Straight, but had a thing with a gay friend and confused now

[TwisttheLeaf]

We talked, because he said we could go hiking this weekend and I was like - ok, but don't expect anything more. And he then was like "why are you doing this, first you let me and now you say no". And I realized I want to touch him and to show him some love, but at the same time I know that there are some borders I won't let him to cross. Like, kissing and jerking each other maybe is ok, but that's about it, I wouldn't let him do anything more. And maybe then even though we want it, we shouldn't do anything physical at all, because I believe that at some point it won't be enough for him with just these two things and he'll start to want something more.

Regardless of the situation in Russia concerning how accepting being gay is, it sounds to me like you -do- have some leaning towards being gay. Perhaps you are bisexual. Or, hell, perhaps he's the -only guy- that does it for you.

I wouldn't give up a chance at happiness for social norm, man.

Everyone has limits (sexually) on where they're comfortable. There's nothing wrong with that. I would encourage you to go with your feelings on this. Explore (privately) what you and he feel for each other... emotionally and physically.

It very well could end up being the very best thing that ever happened to you... if you let it.

[shane82]

I think you can be gay but due to place where you live, due to antigay policy in your country you feel bad with this thoughts about been gay. I had the same thoughts about myself couple years ago. If you like to touch him and When he touch you don't escape. Just do it. We live only once.

[VidasParalelas]

Go with the flow. If you like when he touches you, let him touch you. There's nothing wrong with it. Given that you've been friends for a lifetime, you might be very happy with each other.

^

Very well said.