What am I?

[lonelyasian]

Hi guys, I am new to this forum and I need advices from you guys, hope you guys can understand because it was a bit confusing and long.

I am a 21 years old Asian boy, I found out that I like men when I was in middle school. However, I have absolutely no interest in young men no matter how charming or perfect they are. I only love middle-aged men with some fat preferred. At one point, I thought I was completely gay; however, I found out that I actually like cute, beautiful girls too, I do like women's boobs and bodyshapes etc. but I have no sexual fantasies on women even I am watching porns, I pay attention to the mature men. I have no idea what my sexual orientation actually is.

1 week ago, I finally try to explore my sexual preference, I found a middle-aged Caucasian male on craiglist m4m hookups and went to his house for sex. He is a top and he said he would like to perform anal sex on me, however, I said I am not ready for that but I could do other stuff, he said he was disappointed but he was nice and didn't force me to do it. In the end, I gave him my first blowjob and left. I don't know what position I should be in, It seems like i am neither top or bottom because i don't want to perform anal sex on men or either they perform on me. The only thing I enjoy doing is whatever I do that I can give him orgasm and hearing him moaning. I don't care even I do not have orgasm at the end.

I feel like I don't fit into anything in this world because I don't meet any category. Thank you very much for you guys attentions. Hope someone can give me advices to address my problems.

[Cuddly]

That sounds pretty gay lonelyasian not to worry, gay is okay.

There are plenty of us who are like you. In both ways. It's quite common to be attracted to more mature men. I certainly fit that category. It is also not uncommon to not want anal sex, giving or taking. I don't fit that description, although it's not something we practise often.
But you should reflect more on why you don't want anal sex. Are you afraid of the pain or of the untidyness? Or both? Or are you simply not turned on by the thought of being fucked or fucking somebody else? As I tried to explain before, it's not uncommon to not be into anal sex and hand-/blowjobs is what alot of couples do, exclussively.

[Wolfpack]

Hi and welcome to gs

First of all you not need to label yourself or to fit onto any catorgory.

Second not all gay or bi men engage in anal sex, so do not get yourself worked up over something that you do not have to do if you do not want to, I am sure that if you wanted to you will find plenty of guys that feel the same way as you do.

You are just at the start of your journey finding your sexuality, so give yourself some time and be kind to yourself. It does not matter if you want to have sexual relations with both men and women or just one sex, go with what feels truly right for yourself.

You say that you do not find younger guys attractive, that is no problem at all just means that you find a certain type of person and/or age attractive, perfectly natural.

Take your time and hope you enjoy further discovering your true self .

[CellarDweller]

you are human, just like the rest of us

[KingOfChaos]

Stop worrying about categories and enjoy who you are. I have a friend who's bi, and he always says he's not attracted to the gender, but to the person.
It's not unusual for younger guys to be attracted to older men. And there are a lot of guys who don't do anal. When looking for partners, maybe you should be more specific about what you will and won't do, so nobody is disappointed.
Also, this first time was a hook-up, which is fine, but as you go on I think you'll discover that sex with someone you care about and want a relationship with is far different from hook-ups. Who knows what you might come to enjoy in that situation.
It's early days for you, so please, forget the categories and labels and concentrate on discovering who you are and developing yourself as a unique human being.
I hope you enjoy the journey...

[Bubbles]

Firstly don't categorise yourself as you are unique and you. You know what you like and don't like, try and be happy with that.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Through the years several polls were done of gay men to find out what they like. I think it averages around 60% of gay men would rather not have anal sex. They prefer oral and only do it because they think they are supposed to.

And that thought mainly comes to us via the porn industry which, trying to cater to as many customers as possible, has that formulaic movie, oral sex leads to anal and the big finish is a glazed doughnut.

There is the Dad/Son subgroup of the gay community where one is usually older (mature) than the other. However that appears to have taken on overtones of the BDSM sort. More like Master/slave or Dom/sub feeling to it.



You have the mindset of a sub/bottom.

The problem with the words Top and Bottom is that they are used primarily to describe role in the anal sex act. However they were initially used as a way to describe the role of a person in the relationship in general.

This was back in the day when society had little issue with gender roles and the idea that the wife submits to her husband was perfectly fine. Today with this insane pursuit of 'equality' and political correctness, folk are loath to acknowledge that in all aspects of a relationship one individual is the leader the other is the follower.

It doesn't have to be the same person leading in every aspect of the relationship - however two leaders gets nothing done because they argue about it, and two followers get nothing done because they are waiting for the other to lead.

The LGBT community is loath to admit it comes from a bi-gendered species and that we are raised and hardwired to act and react within the confines of a relationship based on gender-roles. Accusing a guy who is more submissive to his partner as being 'the woman' is slightly offensive and appears to deny the masculinity of the guy.

Dom/Sub has been tried, but that was quickly taken over by the BDSM community and now we have images of whips and chains attached to those words.

Your attraction to older, therefore more experienced men, suggests you are seeking a strong leader - a provider/protector - one who fits the traditional take on what the 'man's' role is in the realtionship. Traditional as in the ideological Clever Household, or Father knows best household.

It is complicated since there is about 3 billion years of evolution and 10 thousand years of civilization and social structure all muddled up on how people interact in social settings - and a relationship is a social suborder that has rules and laws and needs in order for it to be an effective team.

Perhaps slightly more complicated in your situation because you swing both ways and most likely are cast as the Dom in your straight relationships since bi-gendered couples tend to follow more 'traditional' patterns of relationship functioning. You know, the man is the king of his castle, the woman is the hearth tender....

Which is all fine and well and falls within nominal parameters of human experience - which is a round about way to say 'normal'.

As for what label you apply, that is ultimately up to you. Good luck finding a combination of words that clearly denote who and what you are that everyone understands.

Apparently using terms like bottom or submissive gives people certain ideas about one - assumptions are made and that leads to terrible misunderstandings.

you are human, just like the rest of us

Speak for yourself round~ear!

[TwisttheLeaf]

Nothing wrong with liking middle-aged/older men. Nothing wrong with not being interested in (or ready for, if the case may be) anal either.

Take your time, do what interests you and what you discover you enjoy. Don't let a more dominant individual push you or bully you into something you -don't- want to do or aren't ready for.

And above all?

BE SAFE. There's a lot of creeps out there that will try to pressure you into abandoning safety to please them.

Don't do it. ALWAYS be safe.

No hook up or lay is worth dying for.

[TwisttheLeaf]

The problem with the words Top and Bottom is that they are used primarily to describe role in the anal sex act. However they were initially used as a way to describe the role of a person in the relationship in general.

Today with this insane pursuit of 'equality' and political correctness, folk are loath to acknowledge that in all aspects of a relationship one individual is the leader the other is the follower.

Dom/Sub has been tried, but that was quickly taken over by the BDSM community and now we have images of whips and chains attached to those words.

Could be its own topic, all on it's own. And is the thing that Gideon and I seem to trip over the most when relating to not just the gay community, but society in general, in reference to our relationship.

In fact, there's been a number of D/s sites that we've been kicked off of because they felt I (as the more submissive partner in our relationship) was not... "submissive enough" on the whole and took offense to that.

[HIkerSkier]

1 week ago, I finally try to explore my sexual preference, I found a middle-aged Caucasian male on craiglist m4m hookups and went to his house for sex. He is a top and he said he would like to perform anal sex on me, however, I said I am not ready for that but I could do other stuff, he said he was disappointed but he was nice and didn't force me to do it. In the end, I gave him my first blowjob and left. I don't know what position I should be in, It seems like i am neither top or bottom because i don't want to perform anal sex on men or either they perform on me. The only thing I enjoy doing is whatever I do that I can give him orgasm and hearing him moaning. I don't care even I do not have orgasm at the end.
.

You are what you are. Your task now is to find out what that is. What "position should you be in"? There are no shoulds, other than you should be doing what you like to do.
You have had all of a single sexual encounter - how could you possibly know all he things/acts you might like sexually? Have more encounters and watch some porn.
You're "not ready for anal sex?" Of course you're not. It is very rare that a gay youth is going to know the very first time that he has sex with a guy, that he wants to be fucked. Maybe someday you will want anal sex, but a lot of guys never like anal sex, not matter how long they have been at it. One way to find out is to try playing with yourself, using a dildo, or letting a man finger your ass while doing other sex acts. Go forth and have more encounters - just be safe, and assure yourself that your first partners will be affectionate ones, instead of guys looking for a "Wham, bam, thank-you M'aam" sex.