Hi

[Bubbles]

Hi I am a 35 year old married man. Looking for advice and guidance on how to come out. It's tough not knowing how you feel and who to talk too, as I have spent most of my life suppressing everything and trying to be straight. I am looking forward to finding people that I can talk too.

G

[Cuddly]

Hi Bubbles
Your status says Bi Man in a Monogamous Gay Relationship, is that true? That status and your post in combination confuses me.
We are quite a large pool of very different gay people, of all ages, nationalities and ethicities. Somebody, somewhere on here, has gone through something akin to what you're going through (and likely what you'll be going through as you come out).
If you want advice and guidance, you'll have to be more concrete. Coming out is always tough, but the way you do it will depend on your situation. Are you married with children? Things like that.
You can always talk to us

Oh and welcome to GS!

[Kha]

Hello Bubbles.
You don't have to come out if you don't think it's necessary, but if you do, just simply do it.
Some people will be with you even closer, beside that there will be also some keep distance with you, that's a part of coming out.

Welcome to the forum by the way, there are a lot of nice guys here to help you.
Cheers.

[Bubbles]

Thanks GS. I didn't realised that I had clicked that. I will change that now.

About myself. I have no kids but a marriage that hasn't been working so well no matter how hard we both try. First step for me was admitting to myself I think I am gay. Now chatting to people will help me navigate this minefield and not cause too much unnecessary hurt.

[Bubbles]

How do you know what is a fantasy or what you really desire? I have always felt attracted to men but never acted on it or experimented etc. So I guess before I end 12 years of a relationship, I want to be sure. We have a decent loving marriage but it is dysfunctional on both sides in terms of love and affection. So I think by being honest here it feels great whilst also getting some guidance.

G

[KingOfChaos]

What do you mean when you say you want to be sure before you end your marriage? Do you mean have sex with a man?
You've said that your marriage isn't working for either of you - so, whether or not you're gay, would you want to continue in the marriage? Try to work on it?
It seems like you need to make some basic decisions here - such as, will you experiment with men before telling her? And if being with a man doesn't feel right, will you stay in the marriage?
I've known a lot of people who won't leave a bad situation until they have something new lined up, and that usually ends up causing misery for all concerned.
Just my opinion, but I think you should decide what you would do about your marriage (whether you're gay or not) before experimenting. Despite all that seems to have gone wrong, she deserves to be treated with honesty.
I wish you good luck with this, it's a rocky road but you can navigate it!

[Cuddly]

I think you should talk to your wife about it. Be upfront about it, tell her you're confused about your sexuality. Tell her you're not happy in your relationship and have a feeling that she isn't happy either.
And then you can see where it goes from there. Maybe she will want to work more on your relationship and maybe give you her blessing to experiment with men (careful, AlohaS got his fingers burnt by his ex-wife's seemingly open, accepting and motivational attitude, which then turned disappointed and hostile when he went ahead and did as she told him).

Either way, we're here to comfort and talk if you need us. As I mentioned in my first post, our combined experiences cover pretty much everything.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

to the forum Bubbles.

A few of us have been through exactly what your feeling at the moment (Was married 15 years before coming out)

This is a good place to ask for advice, however Id start a new thread rather than continue to expand your introduction, as not everyone will read your intro.

Feel free to message me direct if you want to ask a few questions but not in the public forum. Im a couple of timezones away at the moment, but will respond.

ObW
X

[danielb028]

Hi I am a 35 year old married man. Looking for advice and guidance on how to come out. It's tough not knowing how you feel and who to talk too, as I have spent most of my life suppressing everything and trying to be straight. I am looking forward to finding people that I can talk too.

G

Welcome to GS, man!

[Bubbles]

Thanks for all the great advice from everyone. It is good that everyone is so positive but always challenging. Sometimes I don't want to hear the advice but I know it is the right thing but still tastes like a bitter pill.