Initiating conversation

[marshlander]

...However my idea of more personal questions would be :where are you from? how have you been here ? How you find it? Ask them to tell about where they come from if applies. What do they do for a living ect but in a pace that keep s the conversation flowing. However this could be a bit nosey isnt it? Plus people can be really boored with these questions!

A common greeting here in Norfolk is "All right?" (said with a Norfolk or Fenland accent of course). It's a short step to "How's your day been?" and so on. Most people seem to like to tell you about themselves. If they are bored with that you probably don't want to continue the conversation anyway Besides, if they don't like what you are asking they could always switch the conversation to something else. No, I don't think your questions are too nosy. Asking him when he last masturbated or how much money he earns would be too nosy ...

[andy_123]

Apologies for the late reply everyone, i've had loads to do in the past couple of weeks..

I only have a limited amount of time so there's just 2 points I want to address:

1. Momentum - How do you keep a conversation going once started? I've taken onboard Shadow's idea about switching from general to personal but I still run up against awkward pauses.

2. Atmosphere - In all honesty I do probabaly create a nervous atmosphere when I talk to people, what do you think are the best first steps to take in acting more confidently?

[marshlander]

Apologies for the late reply everyone, i've had loads to do in the past couple of weeks..

I only have a limited amount of time so there's just 2 points I want to address:

1. Momentum - How do you keep a conversation going once started? I've taken onboard Shadow's idea about switching from general to personal but I still run up against awkward pauses.

2. Atmosphere - In all honesty I do probabaly create a nervous atmosphere when I talk to people, what do you think are the best first steps to take in acting more confidently?

You really are taking this seriously! Good for you Knowing how difficult I often find conversation with strangers I'm tempted to say that one way through this might be to practise and be prepared for a few silences while you are learning this new and difficult skill. Actually, these days silence is more rare than hen's teeth and I love it when I find it. More practically, how about coming up with a list of questions that you could learn and hold in reserve? I guess the skill comes in asking questions without sounding like a barrister!

[princealbertofb]

Apologies for the late reply everyone, i've had loads to do in the past couple of weeks..

I only have a limited amount of time so there's just 2 points I want to address:

1. Momentum - How do you keep a conversation going once started? I've taken onboard Shadow's idea about switching from general to personal but I still run up against awkward pauses.

2. Atmosphere - In all honesty I do probabaly create a nervous atmosphere when I talk to people, what do you think are the best first steps to take in acting more confidently?

For question 1. You don't have to drown a person in questions, but generally, you'd have to be able to process some of the information they are giving you. I'd go for a rephrasing phase first. "What you're telling me is.... such and such", then rebound from that onto a new question using some of the processed information. Or go onto a totally new topic, which is trickier to do without it sounding artificial or completely random. The idea though, is to be focused on really getting to know people better and what makes them tick, no? And to genuinely interested or concerned.

Another way of keeping the conversation going is to tell a bit about yourself, which may or may not interest them, and then to turn the subject of conversation on them. Something along the lines of (simplistic example here but...) : "I live in Timbuktoo. I quite like it there. Do you like where you live?"

For question 2. Have you thought about posture? Lie back, let your arm rest on something nonchalantly... take your time to think. Try not to invade their space, unless they let you in. Keep sufficient body distance to make them feel comfortable. Then shift posture if you feel there is more attraction, or more intimacy. This may take some time.

[marshlander]

... For question 2. Have you thought about posture? Lie back, let your arm rest on something nonchalantly... take your time to think. Try not to invade their space, unless they let you in. Keep sufficient body distance to make them feel comfortable. Then shift posture if you feel there is more attraction, or more intimacy. This may take some time.

Or no time at all :eek: . In my case I would generally be sitting on a bar stool with others standing around. Lying back could prove distastrous and it would be impossible to rest my arm on anything ledge-like with any degree of nonchalance. Indeed any attempt to do so might elicit squeals from the young owner of the arm-rest in question and have me barred from the pub .

Other than these minor difficulties, great advice, darling mile: