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The Devil on the bridge
#1
A man standing on a bridge seems to be contemplating suicide. He has lost his job, his home, and his car.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, an evil image with a cape appears and asks the man what his problem is. The man replies that he has nothing to live for…everything is gone.

The evil image in the cape tells the man that he is the devil, and he would grant three wishes in return for a blow job under the bridge.

The man thinks for a minute and agrees to the terms offered. First, he says he needs a new home, and the evil image tells the man that he now has a 6-bedroom house with baths at 316 Oak View Lane.

Second, he says he needs a new job, and the evil image tells the man he is now Senior VP at IBM…

Third, he says he needs a new car in order to get back and forth to work. The evil image tells the man he now has 2 Lincoln Towncars in his new 2-car garage.

“Well,” the evil image says, “it’s time to keep your end of the bargain.”

They go under the bridge, and the act is performed. They both light up a cigarette and start chatting.

“Well,” says the man who performed the deed, “Did you really think I was going to jump???”

With that, the evil image asks the man, “Did you really think I was the devil?”
"You can be young without money but you can't be old without money"
Maggie the Cat from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." by Tennessee Williams
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#2
*LOL* Terrific.
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#3
LOL! Excellent!

Jesus Is Watching You

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,

"Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot. The parrot again said,
"Jesus is watching you."

The burglar laughed and said,
"What's your name, birdie?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

Moses said,

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiller Jesus."
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#4
Both made me lol! Thanks for that Smile
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