Tired of my boyfriend talking...

[Anonymous]

So I'm together with my boyfriend for 3 years and now we're living together for quite long time already. The thing is that he loves communication so much I just can't stand it anymore. He's talking about everything and all the time. He usually comes home first and I come home late in the evening. I'm tired after working the whole day and all I want is some rest, peace and quiet. I want to read some book or watch some TV. It's all ruined once he opens his mouth. He talks about everything he has done today, what he has seen and heard today, about his feelings and more. Once I said to him "it's all very interesting, but I'd like to rest a bit". He was like "but I'm not bothering you". And he doesn't understand that he does bother me. When he's tired or sleeping I'm always as quiet as a mouse.

Sometimes I offer him to read something with me and he does. But that's not for a long time, he sees something in the magazine and he's like "look!" and starts talking about how we would need whatever has caught his attention.

I'm upset not because he's talking with me, but because he's doing that when I'm all tired and he knows that. And what's the point of talking just about random things? It irritates me. I've started to appreciate moments when I'm at job where I don't hear him.

I love him but his big mouth is slowly driving me crazy. He thinks it's only normal that people communicate. Yes, normal, but not THAT much. What to do?

[matty7]

tell him straight or u may as well end it now - he is just been who he is and u will get more resentful - leave it like that and the outcome is inevitable - blunt but that's all I see

[Iceblink]

You need to deal with this now before it goes too far and gets on your nerve so much that you explode, because the last thing you want to do is come across that you have no interest in anything he has to say. Just calmly explain that when you come home you need some alone time to unwind.

And remember, this problem of coming home to a boyfriend that wants to tell you everything and share his day, that is a problem a lot of people wish they had.

[CellarDweller]

And remember, this problem of coming home to a boyfriend that wants to tell you everything and share his day, that is a problem a lot of people wish they had.

Ya got that right!

[Bhp91126]

...

And remember, this problem of coming home to a boyfriend that wants to tell you everything and share his day, that is a problem a lot of people wish they had.

[]

hehehe
My man for example. I have to force myself to talk about my day over dinner.



You have to force the issue and demand some time by yourself to unwind, or you'll come to hate him.

[Camfer]

I agree you need to tell him that when you're tired and when you're just home from work, you need to chill out for an hour or two before you can really engage in so much conversation.

Then, you have to learn the skill of pretending that you're listening when you're really not. He just wants to talk. He may not really care if you hear every part of it. Men do this with their wives all the time, saying, "Yes, dear," from time to time and watching sports on TV with a beer in hand.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Some people are just chatty and, the fact is? His talking is -probably- his way of showing you that he missed you while you were apart.

That said? I would suggest maybe setting down some ground rules. A boundary of sorts. Tell him that the first hour or two after you get home, you need some quiet alone time. No talking. Just quiet alone time soaking in a bath or just chilling out.

Be firm and get him "trained" to accept it. Every day.

Don't be surprised if after your alone time is up though, that he pounces on you with vigor wanting to be near you and chat you up, etc. He's waited all day to be with you, after all. That last hour or so while you're in reach but he has to keep his distance? It's going to be torture for him a while until he gets used to it.

[Uneunsae]

And if you still can't tolerate it after an hour of quiet time, then this is a compatibility issue.

I cannot date people like this, personally. It's not that I don't like or appreciate them, but everyone has different personalities and lifestyle. I need a lot of quiet. My last ex and I had much quiet discussion that we enjoyed very much, but never the "OMG I have to tell you all about my daaaaaaaaaay!" kind of thing.

[HumbleTangerine]

Your personality types sound kind of incompatible I'm afraid. I honestly doubt this is something you could just talk about in order for him to change; I don't think he'd want to change. I think he's just the kind of guy who loves talking and communication, while you're the kind of person who needs more time on your own.

[Charon]

When you say you come home late, substantially after him, remember that he's been sitting quietly waiting for you. Yes, he's in overkill mode but he really believes that what he's saying should be of interest to you and, in an edited form, it might be. Yes, this is a situation that needs to be dealt with but as tactfully and gently as possible. He honestly feels that his blathering is a form of continuing to cement the bond between you even if his logic is faulty. You might try unobtrusively taping him and then, at a later date, play it back. Remember, he doesn't know how he sounds and at what length. Also, I realize you're tired, but why not capitalize on that? Fall into his arms, tell him how much you love him, missed him and now what you want is to just stand there In Silence and enjoy being wrapped around each other. If he turns on the chatter machine, cover it with your lips and, subsequently, when he looks on the verge of cranking out his day, kiss him. Couldn't hurt, might help. At least it's reassuring to him that you care.