What to do with multiple dates

[East]

This is good advice, because to lie or hide the truth actually sends the message that in your mind there was something more to a relationship than just casual dating.

Good point!

I had to learn the hard way to straight up tell the truth. Before I figured it out...I would think I was doing a guy a favor sometimes by not telling him though I would never outright lie..just omit

...or maybe doing me a favor if I thought maybe I wanted him to be a potential mate and didn't want to chase him away while I was browsing...or thinking maybe he would think I didn't like him...and 1000 other mind games I played with myself...and it backfired on me a lot.

It is just so much easier to be upfront and honest...and you get the guys who are actually right for you. It really is true when they say it is better to be disliked for who you are than liked for who you aren't.

[Jake]

When I was single, it was always clear that there was no commitments or expectations until the point of there being a mutual decision. Make this clear and there should be no problems. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly twelve years, but when we first started dating, I went on dates with a couple other guys until my boyfriend and I both agreed we were seeing each other exclusively.

Totally agree with that. Dating is dating there's no specific commitment... When you believe that you and your date are entering the second level, then perhaps it's time to set the record straight. But until then you are your own person and you do not belong to anyone but yourself. Even after you're in a more serious relationship, keep in mind that you're still your own person. Per example, Alex doesn't belongs to me and I do not belong to him either, but we certainly agree that if he was to date someone behind my back and not telling me, he would have broken the unwritten code of mutual relationship that we never truly officially agreed.

As a young man around 21 up to 25 I had several dates at once, including my steady girlfriends but I never hid it... I was pretty open and so was she (I was still working in the gay porn business). But when I met Alex and knowing that he could easily do the very same I've got a little jealous and worried lol and I decided not to jeopardize our relationship. I would bring a third wheel only if Alex accepted him and vice and versa for Alex toward me. Through the years we became to much into one another and the third wheel would not feel comfortable at all with the two of us.

[HumbleTangerine]

Eh, I would probably just tell the guys that you're seeing other people at the same time. Dating is hardly a very strong commitment, but nonetheless most guys would probably be angry or hurt if they were to discover on their own that their date is seeing others.

You have evidence of that from the past, so just be honest.

[Charon]

There's a difference, at least to me, between casual dating and sleeping with all of them. True, you owe each of them nothing more than the pleasure of your company however, when you're "double dating" you're being rude to two separate people at the same time. Perhaps you're not looking for a more permanent relationship but what you're doing could make you seem like the town tart. After all, a lot of people know about all this and the appearance doesn't reflect well on you. Honesty would help but be prepared for their reaction. One of the more chilling things that can happen is to find someone we consider a casual friend, thinks of the relationship in far deeper ways. That can and does happen. People can be more fragile than we think and you've set up the situation in which you need to resolve it, hopefully to the satisfaction of most; All just isn't likely to happen. This may be a good moment to cull the herd and downgrade one or two bed buddies to someone you meet for an occasional coffee, perhaps lunch....but in public places where all hands are kept above board.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Well I don't sleep with dates. I have that no sex for 30 day policy. So that whole sleeping with both and sending the wrong text just wouldn't happen with me.

If on some wildly remote chance I may be dating two different men during the same time frame, I would be asking myself what it is I am seeking from this dating thing and then check to see which individual best meets that goal.

Personally I don't do multiple dating, I give each individual their own time frame in order to demonstrate that they are a potential mate or not. Sure they may be out testing the waters and such, I take it a bit more seriously and hold off from taking on any more potential suitors until I weigh the one I already have in the scales to see if they are wanting.

It may be a policy you need to adopt. Honestly can you give an individual a fair shake if you are comparing him to an unknown (to him)? Clearly you can't keep your men separated since you sent the wrong text... Perhaps that should be clue enough how you need to approach the dating scene.

Oh, and while we all have these nifty ideologies that we all know that there is no commitment, the reality is when a person you are dating finds out you are dating others, you tend to end up being weighed in those scales and found wanting.

[Borg69]

I'm not good at juggling... I can only handle one guy at a time. LOL