Homosexual Rules of Attraction

[artyboy]

I don't live my life by rules and just go with the flow. There are not rules towards this. There might be a few silly stereotype gay rules but who cares!

[Uneunsae]

I agree. I am completely against the social games people play. If I am nice to someone, at least they know I am genuinely sincere. They know what they're getting. If someone "plays the game" with me, it's a huge turnoff. First of all, how can they even put on some show to appease me when they know nothing about me or what makes me tick?

I dislike pretentiousness very much.

People would get along better if they were just honest with each other.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I agree. I am completely against the social games people play. If I am nice to someone, at least they know I am genuinely sincere. They know what they're getting. If someone "plays the game" with me, it's a huge turnoff. First of all, how can they even put on some show to appease me when they know nothing about me or what makes me tick?

I dislike pretentiousness very much.

People would get along better if they were just honest with each other.

^^^ And themselves.

[Uneunsae]

Correct. Introspection is a must.

[artyboy]

I agree. I am completely against the social games people play. If I am nice to someone, at least they know I am genuinely sincere. They know what they're getting. If someone "plays the game" with me, it's a huge turnoff. First of all, how can they even put on some show to appease me when they know nothing about me or what makes me tick?

I dislike pretentiousness very much.

People would get along better if they were just honest with each other.

I've having this problem with one of the guys I'm talking to on PoF, he stop talking to me because I haven't text him via his number though Ive told him I don't like giving my numbers out that quick as Ive only been talk to him two days and don't know anything about him. It is indeed a big turn off for me. Everyone is different so just go with the flow.

[King]

Thank you very much for all of your input, everyone! Especially you, MikeW. To clarify where I'm coming from a little bit -- I am honest with myself and am looking for a man to be in a relationship with (not hook ups). What I am looking for is mutual interest from a likeminded guy my age or a few years younger. What I'm finding is that it's hard to get any interest from the types of people I'm looking for (I consider myself somewhat of a catch myself still), and many people don't want to invest the time talking to a closeted person.

This all started because for years I had tried to date women but just was awful at getting past the first date. Perhaps because I'm more attracted to men than women and they could sense that (though I am not obvious at all). I have only been on real dates with two men so far and they both went well! I still talk to both of them today.

JimmyEcho wrote "Guys are a lot easier to pick up than straight women who play hard to get.
As for texting back , and calling right away. The same rules apply, like being clingy, it's not pretty. However some might like that." Yes, this is what I suspected. I read in a book that humans (men and women alike) are hardwired to want what is scarce. I believe that you make yourself less scarce, and therefore less desirable, when you are readily accessible (ie answer texts quickly, agree to see the other person when you want to, and this may mean the first time they suggest).

I just wanted to hear from other people the input that they had. I heard a lot of "be yourself." Being yourself is great, but IF you are excited to see/talk to the other person and that leads you to become more accessible, it may end up driving the other person away I'm afraid. An interesting story that I have that relates to this -- one of the two men I went on a date with was an attractive 21 year old. Nice guy, too. We just had a couple of drinks on our date and talked, and afterwards expressed mutual interest through texts to each other. I would periodically text him, maybe once a week (and I would always be the first to initiate contact), and would suggest we meet up again. He always said he was busy and I believed that. But this went on for many weeks and I eventually just thought, "Oh well, I guess he just isn't interested...you can always make time for what you want to do, especially if you have many weeks to do it!" So after I stopped contacting him, I get a message from him many weeks later saying he was sorry he declined meeting again so many times but would like to hang out again. We agreed on a date and eventually ended up hooking up pretty extensively that night. May have been a bit too much too soon but the point of the story is that I don't believe I would have even seen him again if I had continued to initiate contact, thereby making myself less desirable.

And I strongly dislike having to play games to build attraction. If it were up to me I would always be myself only, and that is straightforward communication -- yes I am interested or no I am not interested. Yes I would like to see you again or no I would not. Communicate clearly, no BS! But communicating clearly/being yourself appears to not give the best results, albeit from my very small sample size of experiences.

Sorry to be longwinded!

[Bluelight]

I have to say that both those things (too nice and too interested) really make me lose interest in a guy right off the bat. I went on a date with this guy who was very interested, and he was really persistent and determined about it, which at first I thought was okay, he was just being forward, but it went a little too far. He would chat me up every time I logged onto facebook, and it just got really annoying because he was just so clingy. Also, he insisted on paying for dinner, even though I insisted repeatedly that I didn't want him to. It was like he thought he could secure his chances of dating me by paying for me, which right away is a big red flag for me.

So yeah, "too nice" and "too interested" are bad by themselves, and they are a terrible combo. It makes you feel cornered, like any positive attention you give them only convinces them that you're falling head-over-heals for them and that if you start ignoring them you'd instantly shatter their hopes, and they'd probably do it all over again to some other poor guy or girl.

[Uneunsae]

^ But it's a good thing he was being himself (too clingy) because that prevented you from getting involved with that kind of person. It showed you a bit of his personality.

[King]

Wow, Bluelight, that is some interesting perspective! Thanks! I'm not at all like that (like I said, one text a week or so or even less than that), especially at first. When you really start to develop feelings for someone the interest is harder to conceal but that's something I guess I need to work on.

And what you said about paying on a date is exactly the reason why I don't do it. It makes it seem like you are trying too hard to his favor and money is all you have to offer. On the two dates I went on, both men were younger than me and very attractive, and I did not offer to split the bill on either.

[princealbertofb]

Hello, Chris (King) and to GaySpeak. It seems to me that the rules you are discussing here pretty much apply to anyone, male or female. I'm sure we all like being taken care of and having someone who gives us attention and some form of admiration. I don't think this has anything to do with gender, more something to do with courtesy always being rather well received.

But in truth, excessive interest can feel like being stalked and robbed of one's privacy, identity and freedom. But are we talking about that? It's probably the old rule of giving someone enough 'breathing space', not smothering them, which can be a difficult act to balance, especially when one is really keen.