Crushing on your friend's ex boyfriend

[Anonymous]

My friend moved to another state and he and his boyfriend broke up. Our friendship, which started out as dating, began when he began dating his-now-ex. Now that he's moved away, our friendship is starting to show strain, and I have to let go of these feelings. I don't know how long this friendship will last.

The main problem I'm facing is his ex. He's incredibly attractive, and apologized to me once for being rude to me when we first met. I didn't really accept it and I feel like it's my duty to apologize for the hostility I created and the problems it may have caused. I also feel that his wanting to be friends with me was sincere, and I feel like I should at least try to be friends. And that's the scary part: I have a slight crush on him.

Is this bad? Should I just let this go? I feel it would be completely wrong to date my friend's ex, but if the friendship eventually falls apart, and his ex and I become friends, maybe more than friends, is this wrong in some social code?

(I don't know much about these things, it's rare that I'm presented with the opportunity of dating someone, though I almost never turn down friendship opportunities, especially with other gay/bi men.)

[Bhp91126]

Generally, it is a bad idea to crush on/start dating a friends ex. So whatever you do, be prepared to face the music.

[Borg69]

IMO it's never good to get with a friend's Ex. Some things should just be Off limits... period. There's too much history, baggage, potential for disaster. It's like sleeping with a relative's ex. It's also what helps perpetuate the stereotype that we'll sleep with anyone male.

I find it tacky, desperate, and whore-ish. Find your own guy and stop picking at your friend's scraps.

[Adam]

When I was a demented teen (like 16 - 17) I had this group of friends and we all seemed to play musical boyfriends - couples would form - break-up, and then re-form, but always within the confines of the group. It created high drama, anger and hurt feelings. By the time I met my current partner and bowed out of the dating scene (age 19) none of the couples were still together and none of the people were speaking to each other.
I realize that's an extreme case, but I don't think that dating a friend's ex is ever a good idea. As a previous poster said, too much history, too much baggage.