06-19-2014, 01:56 AM
Hi. I'm going to apologize in advance because this will probably be quite long and somewhat random and i'm not how sure how well you'll be able to answer this exactly. I was just hoping maybe you could give me some tips or just any thoughts about this. So i'm a girl and there's this girl that I've had a crush on for about a year and a half. We ended up being lab partners by chance just because everyone else picked where they were sitting and we were basically the 'leftover' people. I thought I could sense us forming a bond during that time, even though we didn't talk to each other much. But I could just feel a connection with her, you know? I felt this connection even before I completely realized that I had feelings for her. Oh and just so you know, nobody knows that I have feelings for her. My friends used to teasingly tell her that I was better than her sometimes and she would look kind of flustered. They don't really do that anymore though. For a while, she didn't pay much attention to me, but around sometime when we became lab partners, I would notice that our eyes would meet occasionally. It began to happen more often and it still does now, even a year later. I'm not sure if it's just coincidence or if she's noticing me staring at her or if she is actually intentionally looking at me. I don’t think that it’s just coincidence though because it happens constantly. Almost every day to be honest. Whenever our eyes meet, she quickly looks away or she holds my gaze and I usually have to look away. I mean, she could just think i'm weird or be a little creeped out by me, but if that were the case I think she would try to avoid me more? But I guess everyone is different and they have different ways they respond/react to things. This girl that I like also says my name frequently too. Whenever we talk or she makes a comment about me, she always seems to say my name. It might not be much, but I just notice that she seems to say my name constantly. There was one time earlier this year when I was looking for my friend during lunch so I went over to her and her friends table and asked if they had seen my friend. She said, "No, but you can sit with us." She always makes sure that i'm included in things and stuff like that. I'm a very quiet person, so it might be that she feels bad for me and is trying to make an effort to be my friend, but I don't know. She's also a Christian (like me) which makes everything even more complicated. I'm having enough trouble struggling with my own religion as it is, so if she were like me, I know she'd be struggling with it too. After I got my hair cut awhile ago, she told me that it was pretty. And there was one time when she said about me, "She should be a sheep…cause I like sheep." By the way, that was a thing where my friends were picking animals for everyone. I keep overthinking that and what she said, but I feel like it's probably just nothing. She probably wasn't saying she LIKED me…she was probably just saying she liked me as a friend or a person in general. But I feel like it was kind of weird at the same time, because why would she say something like that? No one really goes around saying they genuinely like sheep, so I think she was mainly trying to say that she liked me in the phrase. And there was another day at lunch when my friend left to go somewhere, so she was just over at the other side of the table with her friend and she said, "Get over here," to me. In a teasing sort of way, not a mean way. And then she smiled and said I looked lonely. And one time during a pep rally, she suddenly appeared right in front of me when I wasn't paying attention and she looked into my eyes and made some sort of a face at me. And also, a couple of times when I have looked in her eyes, I've noticed something different in them. I don't know exactly what it is or anything, but I just feel like there's something different in her eyes when I look at them. She also made a comment about us being psychic and telepathic which was not too relevant to the conversation at the time. From what I've noticed with her, she doesn't seem to show too much of an interest in guys. I mean, I have noticed her say a couple of times that 'so-and-so' from a particular show or movie is attractive, but that's about it. She's not like the other girls in my grade who go on and on about guys and obsess over them. And it still might not even mean that much, because I know that i'm gay, yet I still see some guys and think they're attractive. But I’m not attracted to them and I've only ever had real feelings for girls. It's also a little bit confusing because through facebook and social media and things, I occasionally see her friends posting things about 'being supportive of gay people'. I mean, I bet it's just nothing, but her friends do seem to be a little bit more involved I think. But I don't know. There was one time when we were walking through a hallway and it was really jammed and she was in front of me. She looked behind her briefly, but I didn't see any of her expressions because she quickly turned around again. And also, interestingly enough, she has begun to say hey to me in the hallways a lot. I know it might not seem like much, but I can definitely sense a change because she didn't ever say hi to me before, and then all of the sudden she just started greeting me almost every day. She seems at least slightly interested by the concept of being gay and she comments about it occasionally when it's brought up. She never says anything negative about it. There's another girl in my class who I suspect to be gay and this girl also responds in the same way that she did. Also recently, my crush sent me a friend request on facebook. I noticed that I was one of the first people she added, but maybe that was just coincidence or maybe I just responded more quickly than others. Even though we're friends on facebook, she doesn't like any of the pictures that I post and for some reason I thought that she would. And one day in class recently, she was talking to my friend (my friends are also her friends) and she said something in Spanish (since we're learning Spanish). My friend didn't say anything so my crush said "You don't know what that means do you?" My friend didn't say anything. And then my crush turned her gaze to me and said, "Megan knows what i'm talking about." I just simply replied, "I didn't even hear what you said." She laughed when I said that and I thought that was kind of weird because I didn't think it was really even that funny. And then she said, "Don't tell Hannah that." (Hannah was my friend who she was talking to before). That whole thing was a little weird because it wasn't like a normal conversation. There was something different about it…like in the way of how we were talking to each other. I don't know. It was like playful or something. And around the time when she had started saying hey to me constantly, she came up to me in the hallway while we were waiting for our teacher and said hey to me. I thought it was a little bit weird because her friends were there, but she just said hi to me. And all of the other times she had said hey, there was no one else around. She dresses femininely sometimes, but sometimes she also dresses in a sporty kind of way. She used to wear baseball caps a lot when she was like 10 or 12ish and she just kind of seems like a tomboy. Oh, and also she just recently shaved her head for the cancer fundraiser thing. She also uses words that other girls in my grade typically don't but guys do. Words like homies, bros, swag…etc. But I guess that doesn't hold too much relevance though because i'm gay and personally, those words irritate me and I don't really like them. She's also on the softball team. Most of the things I mentioned above about how she dresses, talks, or her sports are really just me trying to stereotype though, so i'm not sure how accurate it really is. Because I know that the stereotypes don't apply to everyone. And don't apply to most of us, actually. And there have been a couple of times where i'm pretty sure that I saw her checking me out. Like looking me up and down. It's only happened a couple times and i'm still not completely positive. And a lot of the time, it seems like she makes more of an effort to be funny and make me laugh when she’s around me. But I’m not sure. But anyways, i'm really sorry that this was probably really random and you might not know what to say. But I was just wondering if maybe you could give me an opinion of the situation? I know that everyone is different though and it's hard to know unless you actually know the person. But i'm not close enough of a friend to ask her anything that personal yet though. But I was just wondering…is there a way to tell the difference between when someone's just trying to be friendly with you or they're genuinely attracted to you? The thing that would make the most sense would be if she was just trying to be friendly since I don't have many friends, but that doesn't completely make a lot of sense. She's a little bit on the quiet side herself and it's not really like her to befriend people just like that. And plus, I've known her for around two years, so if she were trying to be my friend why would she just NOW start trying to be friendly? Thank you so much for your time and help. It really means a lot
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