Help please :/

[supasyd]

No, Syd, tablets will not be a substitute for true care and friendship, and you know that. They will, however make you less anxious, and feel calmer and more able to deal with things that make you totally stressed out. Once in a calmer, more collected place, you might get the ball rolling for things you want to change.
As for counselling, I know that some counsellors are not very good at their jobs but you can't paint every counsellor with the same brush, and it seems to me that you should try to find one that doesn't judge you, and who can actually help you to find a way to solving your problems, maybe not all of them, but some of them, to start with. A good counsellor would be one who helps you to see a way to overcoming your problems, your distrust, your anxieties and would help you either see things in another light or help you to find ways of dealing with issues. As I said, and repeat, no two counsellors will be the same, just as no two people will be the same. Give it another try, maybe? And if you don't find the right one, once more, try another? You owe it to yourself not to settle for someone that doesn't fit the bill, your bill.

Am I to understand that your family has not been able to detect the slightest bit of anxiety in you? The slightest bit of unrest and despondency? How can that be, Syd? Are you such a good comedian/actor now?

I'd like to give the pills a go I think because they sound easy and I can't really lose anything. I won't be able to get drunk anymore but that's probably not a terrible thing. My concern with counselling is, I have a feeling i'll just sleep in late and not feel motivated to turn up.....As for my family, most of the time they are too concerned in other things to notice, but I also have been a good actor as well. My mum has picked up that something isn't right I think, but she can't put her finger on it...My two best friends know the most but they have busy lives and are hard to get hold of. I also feel like everybody I get to know now if they ever want to truly get to know me I'll have to write them a bloody autobiography :/

[TwisttheLeaf]

1) You need to delete your ex's number out of your phone and remove him entirely from your contacts. It's not healthy and you're doing yourself more harm than good by holding on as you are.

2) You need to look into getting yourself a therapist. One that you click with. Not all therapists are for everyone and it sounds like you got a crap-ass one in school. It's time to start looking for another. One you are comfortable with that can help you with your self esteem issues, stress, grief, and depression. If you're spending 75% of your time in bed or wallowing, it's time to get help. NOW.

[ETOTE]

Will tablets really substitute trustworthy human beings???

no, they won't.

you need a good friend to help you out, but also a therapist to give you some guidance and clarity. Don't let one bad experience with one completely dictate getting the help you need to pull yourself out of this psychological and emotional hell.

Try texting or emailing one of your close friends to ask for help in finding a good therapist.

[princealbertofb]

I'd like to give the pills a go I think because they sound easy and I can't really lose anything. I won't be able to get drunk anymore but that's probably not a terrible thing. My concern with counselling is, I have a feeling i'll just sleep in late and not feel motivated to turn up.....As for my family, most of the time they are too concerned in other things to notice, but I also have been a good actor as well. My mum has picked up that something isn't right I think, but she can't put her finger on it...My two best friends know the most but they have busy lives and are hard to get hold of. I also feel like everybody I get to know now if they ever want to truly get to know me I'll have to write them a bloody autobiography :/

... like what's happening now, eh? Cheer up, hon. You are seeking help and that's the first step to recovery. The pills you can only get from your GP, so you do need to haul yourself over there somehow and get the prescription...
If your mum has caught on to something, is there any way you could get her to listen? She knows you the best, I'd say, and might help you to seek the medical and professional help you need. Would she support you, do you think?

[ETOTE]

BTW, I do love your avatar, you're a little cutie.

[supasyd]

... like what's happening now, eh? Cheer up, hon. You are seeking help and that's the first step to recovery. The pills you can only get from your GP, so you do need to haul yourself over there somehow and get the prescription...
If your mum has caught on to something, is there any way you could get her to listen? She knows you the best, I'd say, and might help you to seek the medical and professional help you need. Would she support you, do you think?

It's got to the point now where I'm a comedian who makes everybody laugh but finds nothing funny. It's a sadly ironic state to be in. My mum has my best intentions at heart, but she's not very patient and quite critical. She shouted at me for an hour the other day for putting a mug in the wrong cupboard. There's a reason I don't tell her stuff haha

[ETOTE]

^no offense, sounds like you mom may have some issues of her own

[princealbertofb]

There might be a reason why your mum is not very patient. I would suggest you tune into what's bothering her, thus deflecting your problems to help sort those of someone else. Why on earth is she short-tempered? Are there things that you could help solve, for instance, by listening to her wishes and maybe fulfilling some of them? Maybe she's not finding ways of handling a situation which she feels is tense but cannot be eased by your current state of mind? Mums can be very perceptive, but maybe she's holding back, because she doesn't want to hurt you where it would really hurt? So she finds excuses like the mug and the cupboard? It sounds like she's trying to make a point, but she's not getting to the point. I'm sure she has your best interests at heart, most mothers do, but she could be frustrated by the way she's not getting to you, don't you think? Maybe you should trust her a bit more, and give her a bit more credit? I think she'd be very sorry to hear about the trauma you went through losing the person you'd fallen in love with. I think she'd be sympathetic, but it isn't fair to blame people for not reacting to things they have no clue about. Do you know what I mean?

[princealbertofb]

^no offense, sounds like you mom may have some issues of her own

Fair enough, Etote, any person would have their own issues, and maybe she's not wanting to burden her son with them.

[supasyd]

^no offense, sounds like you mom may have some issues of her own

She used to, but she's mostly worked through them, but she's having a stressful time at the moment cause the landlord wants to sell the house (and i'm not legally supposed to be here but nobody has any space for me). Another thing that's been getting me down is my own family seem to have no space for me. My mum can't fit me because she wants a hobby room!! A hobby room over her own son. I would never say she doesn't care but her priorities are screwed....My dad cares but he's not really got a permanent home either, and my sister has a baby (both live a distance away) So I am basically completely alone

EDIT: I find the best way to help my mum is loading/unloading the dishwasher