Becoming a scared parent...

[Uneunsae]

There's a lot I could say on this topic, having suffered terrible abuse from my parents for the first 29 years of my life (I'm 33). But I don't want my bias to overrun this issue.

The only things I feel I really need to say are:

I wish someone would have saved me from my parents. Even DFS turned their backs.

Even though the child is only 3, he will have some scars from trauma that a child therapist can work with so they won't affect him long term. You might think he is misbehaving sometimes, but it's a result of what he's been through.

Make sure that being a parent is something you absolutely want and never resent or take our your frustrations on your child. Someone said to "Never punish your child when you are angry" and that is absolutely true and stellar advice.

Also, never try to live vicariously through your child and/or force your interests on them. The are not you, they are a separate individual and you must nurture that.

Good luck!

[Adam]

Thanks for all the support and especially thanks to Bowyn Aerrow for hunting down all these resources. This all happened pretty quickly. DFS is doing home visits but as I mentioned, the agency here is pretty much AFU.
We aren't terribly religious, but the church idea appeals to me. The child basically went from one not-too normal environment (meth lab) to another not exactly all American family (2 gay guys) - we'd like to make his life as "normal" as possible. He's a very affectionate and loving boy, but he has exhibited fear in several situation, so I think touching base with a child therapist is a good idea.
We're both committed to doing this - we're probably overthinking a lot of it, but this is something entirely new and it's early days. Again,. thanks so much to all of you!