Boyfriend's being unreasonable about having a pet

[Anonymous]

I’m having a hard time because my boyfriend and we, we cannot find a compromise about something. The thing is that my boyfriend has always loved animals very much, but in the last time he’s obsessed with the thought of having a dog. And besides he’s not interested in just any dog, he wants exactly one breed – German shepherd.

When he first talked about this I thought he was kidding. Firstly, we cannot possibly afford to have a dog, especially such a big dog. We’re living in rented one bedroom apartment with barely enough space for both of us. When we moved in, the owner said we can do here whatever we want, so I guess she wouldn't be against pets, but there’s just no space for someone third. Secondly, I don’t know much about that, but purebred dog is probably very expensive. The food for it, toys, leashes, etc, that’s such a big money. If we do it, we’ll be starving.

We’ve talked about it many, many times. We’ve talked in a good way and we’ve argued. I offered him other possibilities, if he really wants a pet so much. I offered him to have someone who lives in the cage, like rat or hamster, but he says he doesn’t like rodents. Then I offered him to have cat, but he claimed that cats aren’t loyal animals and that they don’t love their owners at all. Then, finally, I said that we could have a small dog who wouldn’t take much space in our home. However he’s obsessed with this one breed- German shepherd. He says that they’re wonderful animals and the best breed ever. I don’t know if it’s true.

If you want to know my own opinion, then I can say I don’t want a pet at all. I like animals, but not in my living place. I can honestly say that I don’t want to constantly clean my clothes from their fur, I don’t want to clean up the mess they make, I don’t want someone slobbering next to me, I don’t want to get up early in cold winter morning to go for a walk with dog. That’s how I feel about having a pet, but for him I could probably put up with it. The only problem is that he must agree to something as well. We cannot have a large dog or we won’t have where to live ourselves.

I don't know how to make him see sense. He's upset because he thinks I don't like something about this particular dog and I'm upset because he doesn't want to look at other pet possibilities. He's stubborn and I know he won't throw this out of his head so easily. What to do?

[Borg69]

Owning a pet is a LOT of responsibility. IMO a German Shepard in a one bedroom apartment wouldn't be fair to the dog or your neighbors... assuming your landlord would allow it. Many places will only allow a pet under 20 lbs. The food, supplies, and vet trips for a German Shepard would be pretty expensive. You'd have to constantly take it out for walks/play/potty trips.

Cats CAN be loyal. I am on my second Maine Coon cat. They act a lot like dogs and follow you around the house, and "talk" a lot. Mine even plays fetch !!! Maine Coons also don't jump up on things as much as other breeds of cats. Mine is indoor only, and has a litter box.

[Anonymous]

I forgot to mention, we don't live in the USA, but in Sweden. The owner of our flat didn't say anything about animals and I suppose she wouldn't mind, but we cannot allow it.

[meninlove]

I would check with the landlord first, because if it's not allowed then either the dog would have to go, or you'd all have to move. Add up the costs of the first years' worth of shots, the cost of purchasing the dog, and the costs of neutering etc. Look at the total together. The dog will need to go out at least times a day. The dog can't stay for 12 hour periods alone, or there will be messes to clean up, as well as the poor doggies loneliness. There's a lot to consider....

[Iceblink]

I think it is wonderful that your boyfriend has a love for animals, but he is being kind of selfish in his want on of one. If you have little space and are just getting by taking care of yourselves, you and you are boyfriend are not ideal candidates for pet ownership, for the sake of the animal. Also, don't make assumptions that the owner of the flat wouldn't mind. She rented the space to two people without pets and you kind of owe it to her to ask about pets. She might not have stated rules against it, but you could find she doesn't want to renew your lease when that time comes or if you are not in a lease, giving you appropriate notice to move, especially a small apartment with a large dog.

[MRossW]

Your living space is not suitable for a German Shepard, but having had dogs nearly my entire life, I understand his desire to have one. I would suggest that you agree to the dog on two stipulations (after all, you are in a relationship and negotiations should be a normal process): first, you both agree to a plan for affording and moving to quarters that will be better for the dog; second, you both agree on your (specifically YOUR) responsibilities for the care of the dog, and do not buy into his, "You won't have to do a thing! I'll take care of everything all the time, 24x7x365, rain, snow, hail, accidents on the carpet..." Real life isn't like that with pets and partners.

[MRossW]

Sorry, didn't mean to imply that your partner has accidents on the carpet.

[TwisttheLeaf]

First and foremost, you need to contact your landlord and make sure that pets would be okay. You then need to make sure LARGE pets are okay (because a lot of landlords are ok with pets, but have a limit on the size they'll allow). There's no use talking or arguing about whether or not to get a pet until you know for sure that you're allowed to have one.

After you've done that, you need to stress to your partner how unfair and abusive it is to a large dog to have one in such a small, enclosed space. It's cruel. There's nowhere for the dog to run or roam, no yard and no real space at all. Small dogs handle small spaces much better, and even with small dogs you run into a multitude of behavior problems if they don't get enough space.

Third, just because I have a cat so can contest to this. Many cats act indifferent, that doesn't mean they don't love you. My cat shows me (er, ok it's my sister's cat but she decided years ago that I'm her human) that she loves me with cuddles and loves, nuzzles and wanting to sit close to me or on me. Joining me when I sleep or just staring at me adoringly. This is from a cat that started out with the name Melanie but was renamed "Meanie" years ago because she's a crazy ass bitch. If you get a cat with a good personality, good temperament, and treat it well.... they love and adore just fine.

[Uneunsae]

Agreed, there's no point in even discussing it before you know your landlady's policy.

My cat also loves me very much and even follows me around the house. She cannot bear to be away from me at all. If I go spend a day with a friend, she vocalizes how angry she is that I would leave her alone half the day. So I call her my wangbimama, or "her Highness the Queen". LOL

[Camfer]

Call up a veterinarian and ask how much a visit costs just for a checkup. Ask how much shots are, how much a license is, and how much it's going to cost to feed a german shepherd. Ask how much indoor space you'd need to keep that breed happy, how much alone time a dog like that can handle, how much exercise the dog would need. Ask how much it costs to board a dog if you go away on a trip.

Write up a budget on just how much this dog would really cost. Show this to your BF. Tell him it's neither practical nor affordable at this stage in your lives.