Why Does She Do This?

[shadow77]

I’m a 15 year old girl and my best friend is 19. I’ve had off and on feelings for her for a year and a half and we’ve been best friends during that whole time.

I’ve already come out to her and she’s supportive of me. She’s straight and doesn’t have feelings for me, and she has told me this. I also know that because a couple of years ago, she had a terrible breakup with an ex-boyfriend and it really kind of destroyed her. She was very passionate about him, so I know that she’s straight.

We’ve been friends for a year and a half and I just came out to her a couple of months ago. Before I came out and also after I came out, however, she acts weirdly around me. She seems really playful and sometimes it has crossed my mind that I think we’re flirting with each other. She has made joking suggestions before to us kissing or going on dates.

But the thing is, she is a very caring person and I know that she deeply loves me, but just not in that way. And I know that she would never intentionally do something to hurt me. She even told me that she didn’t want to make me struggle or hurt. But she still continues to act this way around me. She basically flirts with me and calls me ‘babe’ and she has told me before that I was the best thing that ever happened to her. The way we text each other just strikes me more as the way two people dating would instead of two friends. And she is always constantly touching me. And she also teases me a lot. I just don’t really understand why she’s acting this way and why she’s doing this.

[Borg69]

She's young and trying to figure out whom she is too. She also could be over compensating in trying to show you she's ok with your sexuality. Women are also typically known to be more tactile and open with other women. I'm sure she's unaware she's sending you mixed signals.

[MikeW]

I'm not sure she is sending you mixed messages so much as that's how part of you is receiving them. Not sure about that but could be. I've had straight male friends who were clearly straight but also very flirtatious; for them it was fun. One in particular was a real dick-tease, long-haired blond surfer type, strikingly good looking. I allowed myself some fantasies but made damn sure I never *once* allowed myself to think it could be anything more than that. One time he suggested we stop flirting (we worked together, he being my assistant manager) and I agreed to this. After he flirted with me five times without any 'back at ya' response from me, I said, "If you're not going to stop, I'm not either." Besides, it was kind of funny (as long as I didn't take it seriously).

Don't know if that applies to your situation, though. Impossible to tell. Maybe you just need to talk with her about your feelings or maybe you just need to be clear in yourself about where the two of you are with one another.

[ETOTE]

Having a boyfriend and being passionate in the relationship doesn't mean she is straight.
But you are both very young and still figuring things out. I would just not read too much into anything, roll with it and play along, enjoy the friendship, fun and flirting. Make a game of it, see if you can outflirt her.

[Anocxu]

Girls are generally playful with each other... Am i right?

Your friend is vulnerable so she could be sending all kinds of signals.

It would be so much easier for you just to be your friend. Your agenda at this point is a relevant until she heals and on till she finds her way.

Let's take this stance ... Just be a friend :-)

[Anocxu]

Girls are generally playful with each other... Am i right?

Your friend is vulnerable so she could be sending all kinds of signals.

It would be so much easier for you just to be your friend. Your agenda at this point is a relevant until she heals and on till she finds her way.

Let's take this stance ... Just be a friend :-)

Apologies for the typos guys I'm driving and using speech to text at red lights lol

[Iceblink]

I'm not sure if she has feelings for you or not. It's kind of difficult to figure that out based on the limited information you have given us and because part of it could be your interpretation might be somewhat influenced by your feelings for her. What I do know, if she does have feelings for you, she has good reason to worry. You are 15 and she is 19. The age of consent is 16 in your state.

[Melody]

Maybe she wasn't straight to begin with and is starting to figure herself out

[Foxhall]

I think it's kind of a red flag to me that she - not so long ago - experienced a terrible break up. Sometimes - and this might not be the situation here - people who have experienced very difficult relationships or devastating experiences within those relationships can use people they're not sexually attracted to - but who might be sexually attracted to *them* - as like...safe targets to exercise intermittent feelings of flirtation almost to sort of test it out again.

It's rarely meant to be malicious, or even hurtful, and I think she may be (and again, who knows, this is a difficult situation to read) testing out her boundaries - and she might not even realise she's doing it.

I would always suggest open communication. Have you thought about simply saying, 'recently, some of the things you're doing feel a little flirtatious, and I don't know if that's me misinterpreting, or something else?' If you both have a solid friendship, you're going to survive that kind of communication, even if it's awkward and difficult to do. Especially because you're not trying to push yourself on her, you're trying to clarify to avoid future hurt feelings; I doubt she wants to be hurting you!

Those kinds of conversations are sometimes the hardest to start, but if you can get through them, they're often the ones you look back on as a sort of pivotal point that helps strengthen the friendship. We can't tell you why she's doing what she's doing; she's the only one who can really do that, and from a lot of the replies here - there's a lot of different thoughts on the matter as well. She's the only who can give you the clear answer you need.

[Steve]

I try not to read anything in to how other guys may act with me when they are fun and flirty. I'm not particularly fond when people try to buttonhole me (cute, huh?) because of my behavior, unless my behavior is upsetting to them. At that point it becomes a separate issue and needs talking about.

I think sometimes so called straight friends flirt simply because they know I'm gay and they can let their hair down around me. They don't have that strict "I'm a straight guy code" that exists between many straight men that subliminally states that they can't be flirty and fun with one another without it appearing uncomfortable or odd.

Then again some people are simply heteroflexible, or straight until shit happens. You also get spaghetti girls - rigidly straight until wet. Don't let it bother you too much and don't act on it until you've discussed it with her... with words and not tongues on nipples or snatches. It is easy to ruin a good friendship through miscommunication.