Coming out history and need an advice!

[Will101]

Well, i want to make this as short as possible...
5 days ago I turned 18 . And early in the morning at 1am I told her... We were both in her bed alone , and after a lot of mental fighting with myself I told her : MOM... listen to me carefully I love you with all my heart and I want you to love me.. But I'm scared that you wont do it anymore after I... Because ... Mom... I am... * I was speechless for over 2 mins* and she was like... Son... You can tell me... Son... And then I finally told her ... "I am homosexual" in that moment tears were streaming down my face... And she hugged me and told me... That she will always love... That her love is unconditional and that no matter what I am her son... Those were the most amazing words I could hear in that moment... After talking for over 2 hours I left her to go to my room and sleep ( we talked about how it started. Since when I know I. If I had or have a partner , she was curious , the partner part was awkward! ) And this coming out with my mom was so right and amazing.. She was always telling me cute things and being supportive, and saying I love you. She is the best.
So... That was 4 days ago. Now the ADVICE part begins , she come to me while I was practicing piano and told me that she has told my DAD. I freaked out and told her to leave and she stayed but I just kept practicing and ignoring her... After a few mins she left, later I was I my room and she wanted to get it but I didnt , kept on ignoring her . But laaaater that night she caught me in her room so she locked me in there with her. And forced me to talk. At first I was ignoring her and singing songs with my headphones on, then we started to talk . I told her that she betrayed me that she doesn't really love . And she started crying and saying she does and kept on repeating it a lot in the conversation... So to make it short, she feels guilty for not being there for me in all this time and that she needs to be in peace with herself and to say that she at least tried to do something so she wants me to go to a psicologist that could "cure me" ( I complained a lot about this.. Like am I sick?) and she says that if I am that sure I wouldn't have nothing to he afraid of... That's true I know I can't change, also don't want to... I feel embarrassed about the idea of gong to that psicologist, cuz its against my beliefs as a gay person... Like... There is nothing wrong with me... But I am thinking of going just to for my mom.. She says she wants me to reward all the lack of help... BUT she told me even though If I don't change she said she will love no matter what and will always stay by my side *holding my hand* . OH! AND... She told me that my dad (who I spected to be mean and disgusted by the idea ) cried a lot and told my mom that whoever dares to make fun of me , or put a hand of me . He will rip his head off... That was kind of cute and very unexpected from him... Don't know what to thin of him... He was always so distant. SO what do you think? What should I do with the psychologist and my parents? PLEASE HELP! THANKFUL WITH ANY COMMENT.

[Cuddly]

My dad and stepdad were both surprisingly accepting too. This thread made me cry with joy, thanks for sharing. Going to a psychologist to "cure" homosexuality is crazy though. That request should've angered you more than you mum telling your dad about you, in my opinion.

[TwisttheLeaf]

IMO, if she was really supportive, she wouldn't be asking you to go to a psychologist to change your sexuality. She would be accepting you and supporting your choices. Period.

*Shrugging* Maybe decide to go to one, and take her along. Get the psychologist to help support YOU and help explain to your mother that being gay isn't a choice, nor is it a dysfunction. It simply is what it is.

[ETOTE]

Yeah this is confusing.

At first you say she was accepting and told you she loved you and will always love you unconditionally regardless. Then you say she wants you to see a therapist to cure you? Something is missing here.

Your dad's reaction is pretty awesome though.

In either case, I think both your parents love you. Sounds like they just want to make sure you are happy and well adjusted.

Why were you in your mom's room when she caught you in there and locked the door?
Why were you keeping your door locked and not letting your mom in to talk?
Why did all of this odd behavior start happening once she told your dad?

sorry, with the bad grammar odd, inconsistent, contradictory behavior, the OP is difficult to follow.

[Will101]

I was thinking just the same as you twisttheleaf I will be looking for a therapist who can help me make my parents understand all of this. And if they go I will go.
And yeah ETOTE I thought of that too... Like... She said all those nice words and then just screw it all with the psychologist theme... But I guess that she's just worried about my future and not having kids stuffs... But I am being patience... She's nee in all of this.. But she will have to adjust if she wants me to stay.
My behavior was like that cuz I wanted to be the one who tells my dad... Not her... She didn't even ask me before doing that.. I locked the door cuz I was mad at her... Duh... Lol.
And I was in her room cuz I was using her bathroom lol.
Sooo I have to find a psychologist to help me.

[Iceblink]

Agree to go, but make a deal with her and explain that now that you are an adult you will choose the person to see and then go to a licensed person, not some therapist through some sort of organization with a 'cure the gay' agenda. Think of it as not so much as help for you, but help for your mother and help for your relationship with her, who you might want to include in future visits with the person you see.

[ETOTE]

Seeing as you are 18, you are an adult...you can do whatever you want and make whatever choices you want for yourself. Moving out would be one choice I would start with...

I had friends in HS who were 17 and living on their own with roommates.
I also was living on my own at 17 in my own studio apt that I paid for myself

It was precisely because I felt I was old enough, mature enough and responsible enough to be on my own. I was and so I did. My mom was sad blah, blah, blah etc, but she knew I was an adult and could take care of myself, so she let me go. Never moved back.

I really am confused by all this coming out crap to family and parents etc.
I've never had or felt the need to discuss my sexual activity with my parents or anyone in my family
with the exception of my sister and nephew, but only because it came up out of necessity.

No one in my family could care who I bang and even if they did know everything, it wouldn't change anything about the family dynamic or how much they love me. It really is none of their business.

It's obvious you have something good with your parents....

they are not kicking you out for being gay, or kicking you out period
dad is willing to beat people up if anyone tries picking on you or touching you
your parents are still married...

I don't know if your mom specifically said she wants you to see a therapist to cure you of being gay.
You may have either heard her wrong or interpreted her suggestion of seeing a therapist to mean that.

Either way, try also to understand it from your parents perspective as well, they are trying to come to grips with it all just as much as you had to come to grips with it all. I am pretty sure it was not an easy revelation for you that took a whole 5 minutes to digest and you were on your merry way the next day. It will take time to sink in and for them to accept just as it took time to sink in for you to accept.


Rather than find a psychologist, try a real therapist. Like a family counselor or a psychotherapist.
One who will work with all of you and help them see you are still their son and there is nothing wrong with you.

[Jake]

I am a psychologist by formation and I'm gay and married. Dude psychologist can't do shit if from the start you didn't want it. We don't have magic solutions, we don't manipulate your mind. Your mom was very supportive and God knows Alex and I would have love to have that kind of support but we didn't.

Therapists, psychologist are from the very same leather. What you need is a neutral agent that gives speech time ... nothing more.

[Will101]

Thank you so much to everyone who replied, your opinions are really helpful! And now...
Well i will update you all... So i went to the phychologist ( so angry at my mom cuz i thought she really loved me unconditionally) and YEAH she did meant to change me by going there, i mean she was hopeful that the change would be possible. And i went to the psychologist and it wasnt as i spected! She was really nice and understanding and in any part of the conversation she tried to brain washed me or something like that. We just talked about my whole life and stuff. And she asked me why I think am gay and bla blah , at the end of the session I asked her : What's the point of this? Will you try to change me? Turn me to "straight"? And she said "No, there's nothing to change we will just analyze you and try to give a report of you to your worried mom and work on your relationship" guess that's something good to hear! .
But my mom is changing her side! And it really bugs me. Today. She told me she can't believe how relaxed I am and how cold I am at this theme. She said that It is not normal and that i I am "conforming with my state" and I told her that I didn't choose to be like this. I can't change it and that I am perfectly fine. And then she was about to answer me and I just walked away. Didn't want to hear bullshit. ANOTHER thing that I have to tell you guys is that I talked with my father and he was pretty much unexpected. I told me that if I am already sure I am gay. There's nothing to do. But if I have doubts. That's another thing and I told him I am decided and fine and started to argue about why I waited so much and blah blah he thinks I waited so much for me to be truly free of their "chains of parental control" to come out . But my father is a shitty person. OH! My parents split a long ago. Cuz he is an unfaithful asshole and traitor, also Liar. Lol . Like... I nlknow he will je more cold now that he knows.
But I don't care about him. Like. At all. Only mom. I am going to give her time to adjust and all those stuffs , BUT of she doesn't change her mind I guess there's no point on staying by her side. That would mean she doesn't really love over all. I have no problem in living alone ETOTE I am willing to do it if things at home �� are not healthy to live. And I also don't have the need to talk with my mom about my gay lfe. I just told her for her to know everything of me. Cuz I love her.
THANKS AGAIN GUYS! WOULD BE THANKFUL TO KEEP HEARING YOUR OPINIONS.

[Will101]

I just want to know what you guys will do. Should I be patience with my mother, ? How can I explain her I. A way that sue can understand that I CAN'T change... She also thinks that my siblings will be sad because I am gay. But guys.. Trust me. MY SIBLINGS KNOW, or at least so it coming. She sees this as something, after all. I just hope to change her mind.