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07-03-2014, 01:07 AM

So I've posted on here before about the same guy but I need some more advice. I met this guy through some app. He works night/evenings (so do I) and was looking for someone to hang out with in the middle of the night when most of the people are sleeping because it can get boring. I had the same feelings so we talked and started hanging out. From the first night we hung out I fell for this guy. I like everything about him. When we hang out we usually just hang out and watch TV or go eat or whatever and at the end of the night he usually spends the night or I stay at his place and usually have sex (he's amazing in bed!). From the first night we met we talk all day everyday except when we're sleeping. We tell each other good morning and good night everyday and just randomly whatever is on our mind. He's kind of a quiet guy so he's not too elaborate in anything he's feeling but I can be the same way so it works out fine. Awhile ago I got up the courage to ask him what he was all looking for between us. Whether it be what we have been doing (hang out, have sex, talk) or maybe a relationship in the future. His response was basically that right now he's looking for friends to hang out with because it can get boring in the middle of the night and that he's bad with relationships because he thinks he's too quiet and that makes people think something is wrong when nothing is and he likes to spend time alone a lot. I said that I can be the same way. I mean who doesn't like time alone. And now we just went on a trip together and had a nice relaxing vacation. I just think about him all of the time. Every second of the day I'm thinking about him and want to see him. It leaves a pit in my stomach because I like him so much. I don't say too much about this because I don't want to drive him away. I have asked if I was the only guy he hooks up with and hangs out with like we do and he did say that I was. The one thing that drives a spike through my heart (which is probably dumb) is that I have the Grindr app on my phone and just use it out of boredom basically and he has it too. When I'm randomly on it I see that he is too and idk if he's using it to hang out with other guys or if he's just on it for the same reasons. Probably nothing though. What I need advice on is what I should do! I want to be with him in the worst possible way but I don't think that's what he wants right now. I feel like I should tell him that I don't think we should hang out anymore. Tell him that I just have too many feelings for him and eventually I would want a relationship but that's not what he wants. This would be the hardest thing I could possibly do to myself right now because I really like him and I like being with him. I'm not sure if I should just keep things how they are right now and see if his feelings change or if I tell him about not seeing him anymore because of my feelings. I just don't know! I can definitely see myself with him long term there's just so many questions and concerns. It would break my heart if I told him all of this and he was okay with not seeing me. Any thoughtful advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance!

07-03-2014, 01:50 AM

Are you just randomly on Grindr when he is, or are you actually on Grindr to check out whether he is?

Have you told him that you have seen him on Grindr?

To me it sounds like you have a relationship already.

So why would you stop seeing him? Are you trying to use some reverse logic on him by saying that you care too much about him to continue seeing him? If so, it is an awesome strategy if you are a character in a book, film or TV. Its a poor strategy for use in real life.

"This would be the hardest thing I could possibly do to myself right now." Huh? You mean it would be easier on you to stick a fork in your eyeball while holding molten steel in your hand?

You cannot will him to change.

Have an adult conversation with him, but do not gush. It was tough enough reading the gush in your post. Don't subject him to the gush.

YES, he likes you. He has been with you for how long? There must be something good that he likes.

Have the conversation with him.
Tell him that you like him. Then listen to his words.
Tell him that you are really happy that he is in your life. Then listen to his words.
Tell him some of your dreams (that do not involve him). Then listen to his words.
Tell him that you would really like it if it worked out for the long term. Then listen to his words.

Most of all, listen to his words.

07-03-2014, 01:59 AM

oh geeeeeez..... I answered this same exact question (more or less) just a few days ago. Let me go find it and re-gift wrap it for you.... if I can find it.

07-03-2014, 02:24 AM

Wooo hoooo! I found it! It's all pretty in depth. Start reading where MikeW first shows up and then things get down to a real serious nut and bolts discussion of exactly what you're talking about.

Sioux Falls? Wow. We're practically neighbors!

Here's the link.
If it helps please make a the check payable to the MÃƒÂªme Chose Charitable Liquor and Keg Trust Fund.

Let me know if you're headed to my neighborhood... Just 5-6 hours away depending.

07-03-2014, 02:38 AM

Your Question.
Does He Like Me?

NO

07-03-2014, 02:42 AM

I'm sorry, I just had to screw with you a little after reading all that gush.

O.K. Yeah, What 50Plus said---ditto.

Borg69 · 07-03-2014, 03:23 AM

Does he like you? Yes.

Is he insecure? Yes.

Is he taking it slow? Yes.

Is he keeping his options open? Yes.

Could he want a relationship down the road if you don't scare him off pushing too soon? Yes.

Do you seem to fall in love too quickly? Yes.

07-03-2014, 03:31 AM

I have more of a comment than a question....

I have to ask if you read the responses to your last question and if you understood that strangers...people you have never met...took the time out to help you...and you didn't even respond to any of them or acknowledge that you read any of it.

07-05-2014, 11:02 PM

As said above, you already have a relationship. I believe that you just shouldn't label it for now, because he is keeping his options open as borge said. What you should do is ask yourself whether your willing to take things slow and not scare him away, if or you can ask him if its possible that you guys fall into a labeled relationship in the future, OR you can think about yourself and leave him with an honest talk because you dun wanna keep yourself hanging, who knows, he could hold on to you if you do that. Or he could be playing hard to get. This guy seems to have had bad relationship experience in the past and he has put up Barriers up due to this.

07-05-2014, 11:36 PM

East Wrote:I have more of a comment than a question....

I have to ask if you read the responses to your last question and if you understood that strangers...people you have never met...took the time out to help you...and you didn't even respond to any of them or acknowledge that you read any of it.

That is why I rarely give advice to people with very low post counts. They usually don't come back or acknowledge advice or comments on their posts. Hell, some people with higher posts counts don't even seem to read anything in their own threads other than what they themselves post.

To the OP - Contrary to what I posted above this (just to stay on topic), you should probably settle down and not smother the guy. You won't drive him off so quickly if you back off a bit. You use Grindr, he uses Grindr. If you're not an exclusive couple, it's no big deal.