Is it the right way?

[Anonymous]

I am interested in a LDR (long-distance relationship) with someone overseas.

Why not in my own country?
- Country is not LGBT friendly ( no rights for us )
- Most gay guys here are only interested in hook-ups and secret affairs with married men ( men married to women) and dun bother about relationship.
- Most gay guys here tend to follow a trend whereby they marry a girl and lead a fake life but dun mind have a secret affair with other guys. This shows that they consider it shameful to come out as gay and prefer to be closeted for all their life.

That's why I 'm considering to find someone from overseas who is willing to live a true life.

But heres the thing:

There are some websites which cater to penpals. Is it safe/right to try to find a partner through such penpal websites? Cos most dating websites have profiles who only want to meet people from their own country. Is it a right way?

Eventually one day (maybe after a yr or 2) I would like to go to his country and meet him up. =)

Thnks

[MrMom]

I don't know which websites you're referring to. I assume they're sites that are meant to connect people for friendship? Have you looked them over and do they seem legitimate?
I don't think there's anything wrong with registering and trying to get to know some people. Whether or not you would find a BF is hard to say, but no harm in checking it out.
I would just say, use common sense and be safe - be careful of revealing too much personal info at the beginning.
Good luck, I understand the way you feel about living a lie and I hope that you can find something better.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Right way?

IDK. On the relationship sites folk are looking for relationships, on pen-pal sites people are looking for pen-pals.

If I were to use a Pen-pal site I would be looking for just that. If I wanted just sex I would use Grind'r or something that caters to that. If I'm looking for a relationship I would stick to relationship sites.

Yes the whole 'dating a person from another country' is daunting. Few people are going to want to try that, few people are actually interested in LDR simply because most understand that most LDR just don't pan out over the long haul.

Perhaps what you need to do is decide which country you would like to live in and work toward residency in that nation, once there then you can try on the scene.

Mind - many are straight married men looking for sex on the side to guys looking for sex. The whole climate you speak of may be gone, but we get pretty much the same attitudes. It is difficult to find guys who are looking for LTR that are meaningful.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Long distance relationships are difficult for both parties, but they -can- be possible and rewarding if both are invested.

Although I'm not sure a pen-pal site is the -best- place to go hunting for a boyfriend, I'm not going to say it's a horrible idea, either. Gideon and I (who are in a long distance relationship for 6 years now) met on a roleplay site based on interactive storytelling and creative writing.

I would say... don't "put all your eggs in one basket". Maybe try the pen-pal site, but try other dating sites as well. Stay away from places like Grindr, where people are just interested in hooking up for sex.

And, as MrMom said, be careful about what information you hand out about your real life at first. Such as, for example, your full name, your physical address, your family member's names, etc. These things can make you a target for hate crimes, revenge, stalking, etc.

[sdguy]

Might as well give it a shot. If it works out then great, if not you can try something else. This type of a long distance relationship could be pretty difficult for both of you. I know I couldn't do it.

[spencer]

I wouldn't try for pen-pal websites. It could happen but if you're looking for dating I would look for dating websites. Maybe there's an international dating websites that is specifically for people looking to date others in another country? I don't know.

It will at least be important to make sure your profile and the people you talk to know that you want to relocate. I think people often hesitate to date people in another country because neither person may want to relocate. But if you make it clear that you want to move I think you will have better luck.

Definately go for dating websites though rather than pen-pal websites. Pen-pals are more for just making friends with someone who lives far away. But, you might still make some pen-pals if for nothing else the fun of it. Maybe if you find a person to date from a specific country or you have a country in mind pen-pals might help you establish friend circles in that country so once you move you'll know more people than just your lover. Pen-pals are really fun at the very least. But I wouldn't use them for dating, anything can happen though of course.

I would also consider finding what country you would want to live in and move there and then you can look for dating not only online but also in-person and then the LDR won't be so LDR. I understand you may want to find a person first so you can move and have someone to be with instead of just being alone in a whole new country but due to how difficult LDR's are, it is something to consider and you could possibly make just friends online as well so when you go to that country you'll have friends there to have your back through your romantic adventures.

So you got some options. Just remember safety when talking to people online and meeting people online.