Gays who sleep with the opposite sex

[TonyAndonuts]

In a world where being straight is the norm and is expected of you, it makes total sense that someone who's gay would try sleeping with or experimenting with the opposite sex, usually because their not 100% sure of their sexuality or they're trying to keep their true sexuality a secret. But, what about people who identify as gay or lesbian and are out, but would be totally okay sleeping with the opposite sex? I heard from a friend that he has a lesbian friend whose known she was lesbian and has been out for years, but still slept with a guy at this party. I'm just wondering why? I don't know the whole story, but if she's a lesbian and not bisexual, wouldn't she be opposed to that? I know sexuality isn't so black and white, but hearing stuff like this makes me wonder just how big is this gray area? What kind of reasons would an out lesbian have for sleeping with a guy or vice versa? How common is something like this? I also kind of worry about straight people who don't really understand LGBT that well hearing something like this. They'd probably think that if a lesbian girl would sleep with a guy, then lesbians aren't really exclusive after all and dudes can fulfill their little fantasies of sleeping with hot lesbians. Or it could just fuel the argument that homosexuality is a choice and we're all just a bunch of sexual deviants.

I'm not even sure if I'm trying to ask a question, I'm just vomiting my thoughts into a post...

[MrMom]

Well there are people out there - and not just gays - who will fuck anything that stands still long enough. So IDK - sexuality is fluid, people fall into various spots on the continuum. People do what makes them comfortable.
I don't care about other people's sex lives or who sleeps with who, none of my business. Ignorant people want to take the actions of one person and paint an entire community.
I'm gay, always known I was gay, never been with a woman and have no desire to. But each of us is different.
I think you're trying to generalize personal choices. Gays sleeping with the opposite sex is not a trend, it's something that happens on a person by person basis with infinite reasons.

[Melody]

I think those people are actually bisexual and not gay and i'm not talking about people who experiment and are not sure or if they want to keep their family happy so they sleep with the opposite sex . With so much biphobia these days a lot of bisexual people prefer to identify as gay or straight than bi the number one excuse I've heard is I'm 90% gay and 10 % straight or no one is a 100% anything well then if that were true why are their gay people that don't want anything sexual or romantic to do with the opposite sex and straight people that don't want anything to do with the same sex . Yet there are people walking around ok with doing with with both or whoever to me those people are bi and not gay . And I know people aren't going to like me saying this but I find it funny that when it's a man and he's straight and he sometimes sleeps with men people start calling him gay and he doesn't even get the word bi and sometimes men's sexuality get quested even when they aren't doing anything gay . Yet a woman can call her self straight or lesbian and sleep with both sexes and if anyone questions it or says she's bi people throw the word bigot at you or call you judgmental just to shut you up . I think most of the population is bisexual and the rest is either gay or straight but people don't like to hear that because I can tell you one thing I'm a lesbian and I'm not sleeping with guys ever again once was enough .
and sexual being fluid meaning a person sexuality changes over time I see it as being this a woman can be straight all her life and fall in love with one woman same with a lesbian who falls in love with one man and a gay man falling in love with another woman and same with a straight man falling in love with one man or only feeling sexual attraction to one man .
If you like doing it with both sexes you are bisexual period . the sexuality is fluid saying is just an excuse in my book to avoid being called bi because we all know being bi in the lgbt community isn't very popular and people only think bi is 50/50 or 60/50 it's just ridiculous .
bisexuals can be in denial too and this is the perfect example of it .
Most people think bisexual women are more into men so say it's like this if she's 90% into men and 10% into women she's bisexual but many people also have a hard time accepting that a bisexual woman could be more into women and be 90% women and 10% men so somehow this bisexual woman is a lesbian . People talk about this like if people are just tripping and falling an accidentally having sex with each other . what goes into sex is people flirt people agree to what their going to do they don't just bump into each other like a porno and go Oh let's go have sex . I mean get real people we have a lot of bisexual people in the lgbt community hell there are a lot of them in the straight community too . the reason we can't tell is because most bi people either identify as straight or gay .
because can you tell me a straight guy who sleeps with men sometimes is still a straight guy because most of you would be calling him gay .
This is bi eraser to me
bisexuality is having attraction to both sexes it never states how much your suppose to like them and many bisexuals aren't 50/50 there are some but most of them prefer one sex over the other or likes one more than the other and sometimes they go through periods where their attracted to one and not the other .
One thing I don't get is why is everything else as gay and straight seen as fluid but when it's comes to bisexuality it's like Oh no that's 50/50 .
Plus if everyone is fluid shouldn't we be ashamed of or self for being hypocrites to bi people since oh let me guess most people are a bit bi ? I mean gosh if your refusing to date bisexual people for liking both sexes and you sleep with both sexes shouldn't re think things ?
But oh No I'm not bi because I'm sleeping with them sometimes and not all the time or it's just sex Oh please give me a break with that denial mess .

[BlueStar]

Ever heard of the Kinsey Scale ?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale

[Melody]

Men are already starting to think that lesbians can be a bit bi I've had this crap thrown at me by men since my coming out , I've been hit on my men and despite telling them i'm a lesbian it doesn't stop them I have even had one use the everyone is fluid excuse on me as a reason why I should be sleeping with him .
Now I don't think if a lesbian got drunk and slept with one guy she's not a lesbian but if you are a straight guy or a lesbian and your sleeping with guys some times and your a ok with doing it when the opportunity comes up your not straight guy or a lesbian .
I have heard from many guys who had said they slept with lesbians say she approached me first even though she told me we she was gay and i have heard from these lesbians that do this that they go looking for sex from these men .these people are bisexual but identify as gay or straight because that's the sex their more attracted to . I'm pretty sure the more this thing gets spread around the more straight men will harass lesbians and we're already getting harassed already so things are going to get much much worse hell I can feel it .
Plus people will start to think gays and lesbians along where just choosing to be gay I have even heard heterosexual people saying this and I've even heard one say . "well if you have attraction to both sexes then why the hell did you tell us you couldn't change if you tried from being gay was everything a lie then " .

[MikeW]

I am gay and was in a 10 year relationship with a woman. I identify as gay and not bisexual and did so at the time (quite a long time ago, 1970s into the mid '80s.) I was out to everyone that needed to know. Many of our straight friends couldn't wrap their head around it, for understandable reasons. Many gay men can't grasp it either.

Perhaps it helps to understand that there is a difference between sex and love. I fell in love with a woman. I wasn't all that attracted to her physically (and she was a very hot lady by straight guy standards). At first we were just friends but as we grew emotionally closer we realized we wanted to partner and try building a life together. The sexual aspect was always the weakest link in our relationship.

To be honest, much of what drove the decision for me was my dissatisfaction with the pre-HIV 'gay scene' which, in my experience, was sort of brutal. Lots of stuff going on I didn't feel comfortable with at all. I don't only mean the rampant promiscuity but also the attitude most gay men displayed toward one another. I didn't fit in to this scene at all. Did not enjoy 'hook up' situations and was not interested in competitive game playing in the social arena. I had not found a romantic situation that was reciprocal… until I met this woman. I'll also add that in many ways she was an 'atypical' woman; very independent, smart, perceptive and out-going. She had many qualities that I found attractive.

I continued to identify as gay because I knew what turned me on sexually, which wasn't 'lady parts'. She knew this and accepted it and we worked as best we could to satisfy one another's sexual needs. Our relationship was important enough to both of us to work at this. We also had an arrangement which allowed her to seek sexual satisfaction outside the relationship. I could have, too, but didn't. She did but only a few times, always coming back to me, thankful that I wasn't a 'typical' (straight) male. LOL!

Eventually I was the one who initiated the end of the relationship… which wasn't really an 'end'. Rather, we "redefined" it. We're still best friends, actually more like brother and sister. Very close. My decision was in part due to what happened in the 'gay scene' after the HIV crisis… Suddenly, gay men actually wanted to TALK with one another and get to know one another. So, I eventually ended up in my first gay relationship at age 40.

I hear your concern about how something like this can reinforce the perception of bigots that homosexuality is a choice. In this case I "chose" to live in a heterosexual relationship--and throughout history this has not been uncommon for gay men both because of oppression and because they wanted to have biological families. I, however, did not "choose" to be a homosexual. Indeed, I was born that way and knew it from a very early age (long before the word "gay" meant what it does today).

So what I'm saying is there is a difference between sexual orientation and the actual act of having sex. There are straight men who have sex with gay men. I know this for a bonafide fact. They 'do it' but it isn't their first choice. The same can be true the other way around. I 'can' have sex with a woman but it isn't my first choice. And it isn't bisexuality because I'm not sexually 'turned on' by women. At all.

So, yeah, it is complicated and when you throw romantic love into the mix it can become even more so. I've been 'in love' with straight men, for example. Not recommended, LOL! I've been in two LTR gay relationships (both now deceased) and I loved them both. So there's a difference between loving someone and having sex with them. People have sex with one another without any emotional interest or commitment on a fairly regular basis--in part, perhaps, because a mutually loving relationship is much more difficult to find or be open to when it does show up.

Hope this helps

[TwisttheLeaf]

MikeW.... just saying, but that was an awesome, amazing read. Thank you for sharing that with us all.

[Uneunsae]

I don't know, I define my sexuality by whom I fall in love with and also have sexual attraction to. I have never fallen in love with a woman. I just can't love them that way; the best I can do is a close friendship. I can say that I love my best friend, but as a friend. I don't love her in a romantic sense. To me, there is a HUGE difference. To me, being gay is not just liking a man's body. I am attracted to a male brain too.

I can fantasize about having sex with a girl but in RL I don't get turned on my women at all. Does this make me bi? It's possible, but I don't know! I would never rule out dating a girl. I would If I met one I liked!

[TwisttheLeaf]

For me personally.... (I can't speak for the lesbian you're referring to).

I'm bi. I identify as bi because I'm physically attracted to both sexes.

That said? I -prefer- men. I always have. Prior to my committed relationship with Gideon, women were fun. Like a carnival or amusement park ride. But, I don't relate well to them on an emotional level. I also find sex with them.... messy. Both physically and emotionally. Women, more often than men, develop emotional attachment during sex. Physically, the act feels... messier to me, which meant making sure I kept things light and full of fun and laughter as a distraction, and that either I screwed them in the shower or had to shower immediately afterwards.

I also don't respond as 'dependably' to women. One day, I might get turned on by a woman hitting on me. Three days later, the same woman might hit on me and I wouldn't even give her a second glance. With men? If I'm attracted then I'm attracted and it's a dependable reaction to that person.

For these reasons, some -may- consider me gay. Especially in that I'm now in a monogamous relationship with another man for the past 6 years. BUT, because I am (when single, at least) attracted to women, I consider myself bi. Perhaps in her opinion (this lesbian that you spoke of) she defines herself at lesbian but was either curious or bored or drunk, and decided to give the guy a ride. Maybe she just had a reaction to -that guy- specifically. One of those "Well this is odd, I know I'm gay but this ONE PERSON really.... does something for me."

People's gender identification is a very personal thing and will vary depending on who you talk to and a person's background and life experiences, as well as their inner-most feelings about the same sex and the opposite sex, as well as their reactions to individuals on a case by case basis.

This is the problem with labels, yeah? They're generalizations. Not everyone will fit "smack dab" into any form of generalization. Sure, some will. But there's just as many that won't.

[JimmyEcho]

People label to identify. People get all worked up went they are labeled.
Some people don't want to admit what they're labeled as.
O.K. lets just put it this way then. No You are not BI sexual, FINE.

Your just doing a BI sexual act. Your doing what people label as Bi sexual, both genders.
You might not feel that you are Bi sexual, and strongly deny it. However, your still doing a bi sexual act. If you want to change that meaning because Even though you slept with a woman or man, YOU still feel you are only gay, that's fine. But the act itself is still classified as BI sexual.