Gays who sleep with the opposite sex

[Melody]

I don't know, I define my sexuality by whom I fall in love with and also have sexual attraction to. I have never fallen in love with a woman. I just can't love them that way; the best I can do is a close friendship. I can say that I love my best friend, but as a friend. I don't love her in a romantic sense. To me, there is a HUGE difference. To me, being gay is not just liking a man's body. I am attracted to a male brain too.

I can fantasize about having sex with a girl but in RL I don't get turned on my women at all. Does this make me bi? It's possible, but I don't know! I would never rule out dating a girl. I would If I met one I liked!

I don't think this makes you bi

[Melody]

My issue with sexual orientation labels is defining who you are as a person by them. The stigmas associated with these things are for the most part negative. Thanks to society and all the bs stereotypes that people love to perpetuate and adhere to like a life preserver, they tend to do more harm than good imo.

Far too often I see people being consumed and controlled by their label, then that label defines who they are as a person and dictates their view of the world, their life and everything they do becomes centered around that oh so sacred label. Sex and romance is simply ONE aspect of who we are as individuals, it should never completely define us as a whole.

I agree with some of this but me being not attracted to men and not wanting anything to with them besides friendship is not me being controlled by my label it's just who I am and a part of me and just shows my romantic interest .
I think people who complain about boxes are often people who put themselves in boxes they don't actually belong in then complain about it and then things everyone in the world is like them

[JimmyEcho]

As I've tried to make clear in the past --- I really have issue s about painting sexuality as black white and one shade of gray in the middle and expecting everyone to fit into those neat but irrational boxes. Honestly, to me it's almost like intruding into someone else's life and imposing values that aren't theirs and totally ignoring their views on THEIR sexuality.... It's all about understanding.... which I did a thread on earlier this week...

Please read these 70 words on understanding and see what no one is doing in this conversation
http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=32622

O.K. I'm not poking a stick at this issue.
For me It's worth letting go

[JimmyEcho]

I do see your point Memechose

[Melody]

What I don't get is why do people want to live in a labeless world so bad , I can get someone saying hey I don't want a label but suggesting everyone do the same as them and hate labels as much as them comes off as going a bit too far .
You think it boxes you in , you can't stand them , then why are you using one ?
if you don't like labels then don't use them .
I don't get why people would bitch and moan about how they hate labels while their still using one . Instead they want to drag everyone on their I hate labels bang wagon just stop using it and let the people that like it use it and you ditch it . Labels is not a requirement they are just an option .
Plus labels was base off of real people's sexual attractions How the hell do you think they came into existence you think people just picked them out of thing air ? They were based off existing things .

[ETOTE]

Melody, I completely disagree....

I agree with some of this but me being not attracted to men and not wanting anything to with them besides friendship is not me being controlled by my label it's just who I am and a part of me and just shows my romantic interest .

^if this were true, there would be no need to come out of the closet as there would be no closet. Our hetero-normative society is still being controlled by the straight label that being gay now has it's own subculture and that subculture is being controlled by the gay label.

Can you tell me your life did not change after you came out, if you came out?
If labels did not dictate who we are as people, your life should not have changed...

I see that as a problem as evidenced by your words in bold...who we have sex with imo, is not WHO we are, but simply WHAT we do. When your orientation label defines you, it dictates your thinking as evidenced by our hetero-normative culture...

I think people who complain about boxes are often people who put themselves in boxes they don't actually belong in then complain about it and then things everyone in the world is like them

First of all, I'm not complaining, I'm citing an observation of the world around me and offering my opinion based on that observation.

Second, ironically, you are describing the exact opposite as I have not put myself in a box, if I had, I would be living as straight and wouldn't be on this site as I would have never found it. Most other people who meet me first assume I'm straight, then once they know me they think I'm bi, then get pissed because they then assume that bisexual people are gay people living in denial and say things like being bi is a cop out or say bisexuals don't exist and then say I'm a self-hating gay.

How is that me putting myself in a box? When it's usually everyone else who loves putting me in their own little box to make life easier on them so they know how to deal with me,

Finally, I don't think everyone is like me, I don't presume to know how everyone thinks or what they like or who they are attracted to. I will say though, regardless of what label you use, if people were honest with themselves and really examined their attraction to the people they have sex with, many if not most people still need to be attracted to the person or their personality as a whole before doing something sexual with them that goes beyond the initial physical attraction....that has nothing to do with a label....but everything to do with the person.

[Counselor]

I could sleep with a girl if I was unconscious and hypnotized.

If I knew what was happening there would be underwear between us for miles. Not Miles.

[Virge]

O.K. I'm not poking a stick at this issue.
For me It's worth letting go

I can definitely go with that...
but I guarantee you that within 6 days someone else will bring it up again.

Just think about this.
I'm more interested in finding and experiencing things that haven't been labeled than worrying about the making things fit into labels that already exist.... and conversations like this make me real sure I'm not going to ever let people know when I find and experience things that aren't already labeled. I really work at accepting people, events and and objects for what they are without labels and explanations. Face values work just fine for me most the time. --- it's part of not sweating the irrelevant stuff that doesn't really matter.

I understand the human compulsion to label and define things. It's just part of our collective nature as an inquisitive species that's always trying to establish or decode order in the world around us. I'm just trying to get away from it.

[Virge]

I could sleep with a girl if I was unconscious and hypnotized.

If I knew what was happening there would be underwear between us for miles. Not Miles.

There are tons of philosophers and smart guys all the way back to Rome who've written about what you've just said.

To sum them all up in contemporary language, speaking in terms of absolutes about hypothetical abstractions is a sure way to get your butt bitten when reality sneaks up like it often does.

[Melody]

Melody, I completely disagree....



^if this were true, there would be no need to come out of the closet as there would be no closet. Our hetero-normative society is still being controlled by the straight label that being gay now has it's own subculture and that subculture is being controlled by the gay label.

Can you tell me your life did not change after you came out, if you came out?
If labels did not dictate who we are as people, your life should not have changed...

I see that as a problem as evidenced by your words in bold...who we have sex with imo, is not WHO we are, but simply WHAT we do. When your orientation label defines you, it dictates your thinking as evidenced by our hetero-normative culture...




First of all, I'm not complaining, I'm citing an observation of the world around me and offering my opinion based on that observation.

Second, ironically, you are describing the exact opposite as I have not put myself in a box, if I had, I would be living as straight and wouldn't be on this site as I would have never found it. Most other people who meet me first assume I'm straight, then once they know me they think I'm bi, then get pissed because they then assume that bisexual people are gay people living in denial and say things like being bi is a cop out or say bisexuals don't exist and then say I'm a self-hating gay.

How is that me putting myself in a box? When it's usually everyone else who loves putting me in their own little box to make life easier on them so they know how to deal with me,

Finally, I don't think everyone is like me, I don't presume to know how everyone thinks or what they like or who they are attracted to. I will say though, regardless of what label you use, if people were honest with themselves and really examined their attraction to the people they have sex with, many if not most people still need to be attracted to the person or their personality as a whole before doing something sexual with them that goes beyond the initial physical attraction....that has nothing to do with a label....but everything to do with the person.

First of all the box thing was not directed at you just people who are anti label .
second I'm more than just a lesbian just because I like using the label lesbian doesn't mean I define my whole self by it , I'm a beautiful and smart woman and also kind and sweet . I'm not being sweet here but I'm usually sweet and caring .
Lesbian is the label i use when to describe who I'm attracted to and who I want to date , have sex with and spend the rest of my life with , so I use it so the average straight man will not to waste his time flirting and using his pick up lines on me . even though like you l look straight and they seem to ignore it well most of them .
and actually hun I agreed with most of what you said .