The Ones I Let Get Away....

[Charon]

I took my first lover when I was 13 and he lasted 16 years until his death so I'm not new to the lover keeping business. In fact over 57 years there have been four, two deceased and two parted as very good friends and still are. But there were two more who's pleasure I did not accept even thought at the time I was very much tempted. The first was a professor at a university at which I was lecturing. As often happens on the "guest lecture circuit" you're the guest of one of the faculty and, usually, their wife but their was no wife in this household. It was also winter and only burning down the house would have kept us completely warm. We'd had some fairly direct discussion about...this and THAT which is why he asked if I might be warmer if I bunked in with him. I did. At the end of week five of a six week contract I was offered a full, tenured professorship and I thought about it. I told my host and bedmate and, as you might imagine, he was taken with the idea, delighted, pointed out I wouldn't even have to look for housing, I was already living there. I liked this man, I liked him a lot, we made each other laugh, we had adjacent scientific interests and...we had very good sex. Week six was not so fun. Students, who hear of everything, enouraged me to stay, faculty encouraged me to staff and "my" professor....figure it out. But, although I stayed an extra week at war with myself I left. We were both devastated but in the long run, two gay men living together in this town would have been disastrous. I've held off where this was as there's a symbolism that wasn't to become apparent for many years. This was the University of Wyoming in Laramie. Let us pause and remember Matthew Shepherd.

Gentleman #2 was 27 years younger than me, a European and in all ways a charming companion. We both spoke all the same languages, had similar interests, he was wealthy, had a lovely home just outside Milan and....there was really no reason not to say "Si". But I didn't. Now I'm involved with another man, younger than myself, but this time is different. He's like no other man I've ever known, quiet, affectionate, shy, in some ways weird, but his fondness for me comes across at every moment; That sort of thing can be very persuasive and, happily, it's returned. The only slight problem here is that I'm given to accept contracts for lectures in other places. In theory just now I should be in New Zealand but I cancelled that because, well you see, there's this man....

What's your verdict? Should I have kept one of the two first offerings or am I looking at the real thing in Levis, gardening gloves and a tendency to not want a tan line? I await your comments with interest. Charon

[TwisttheLeaf]

Can he go with you when you lecture? Could he handle the separation if he can't go with you?

I would say that let the other two go. They're in the past. What you have in front of you... if it feels good and feels right.... if it feels like what you want. That's where you need to be.

[ChadCoxRox]

I'm confused as to what the real concern is? Are you saying you've shirked business obligations, or fear you will need to, for the benefits of a relationship? Sorry to be confused.