I was an alcoholic

[lauj]

I used to be a really bad alcoholic. I lost a lot of respect and some close friends over it. It all started with this guy in my military class. He would get shitfaced every Friday and Saturday night unless he had duty. One night I finally decide to go out with him, I was still underage but he would toss me a drink whenever no one was looking. That night turned out really bad for him. So after roll call I go over his room and to check if he is okay. He was out of it, he was talking and crying I didn't understand him at all. Finally he told me he loved me... I was surprised, I didn't know what to tell him. So I just told him that he should sleep it off. So whenever weekend came along I tried to get as drunk as possible in hopes of reliving that moment. I know how stupid that sounds but I really liked this guy and maybe something might happen again. We started drifting away because of how drunk I would get. He didn't even acknowledge I was there anymore, so I got depressed and started drinking more. I had to pay other guys to buy me alcohol and when I didn't have enough money for it I started taking these motion sickness pills that get you high as a kite. I was lost, so I started just living in my room never going out anymore. Before our graduation day, everyone got really drunk and a fight broke out. That guy was trying to stop the fight and he gets hit in face. He ran outside and I followed him to make sure he was okay. I grabbed him started crying and just held him. He says you drunk again? He put his arm around me and walks me away from the barracks. I'm still in tears. I don't remember our conversation there but I remember what happened next. We stopped in an isolated area by our smoke pit. He holds me and I'm crying a lot harder now. I just missed him, missed all the things we did together before I went over board and I told him I was sorry over and over again. Than he starts touching me gently and kissing me. All this happening in the dead of the night, it sounds like something from a movie, the only thing missing was someone playing the violin. Even the moon was out. I don't know how long we did that for. he swept his hand through my hair and looked me right in the eyes. I thought he was gonna tell me he loved me again but he said we gotta go back before they start looking for us. He gives me one final hug before he walked me back to my room. I remember I cried myself to sleep that night I realized what kind of person I became and will be for years. Thinking if I was just myself maybe things would have been different. Maybe i wouldn't have to wait so long for him to show me some sort of affection. I feel like he only did what he did that night out of pity. I wish I could say that night was a wake up call but it wasn't. I continued drinking heavily for years until I got my DUI. It was sad because the only time I could get any sort of affection was when I was drunk. I'm doing a lot better today, I don't get hammered like I used to and I can stop myself anytime I want.

[Wolfpack]

Sorry to hear you had such a bad problem with drink, and thank you for feeling brave enough to tell us about your problems. It sounds like you are doing a lot better now so continue to push to have a better and happier life.

[ChadCoxRox]

One day at a time it works if you work it. Welcome to more peace in your life and hope you'll stay connected at GS!