Scared and Concerned About What Others Think

[jay2812]

Hello everyone,

Lately I've been getting really bothered by the fact that I am always afraid of what people think of me. Like I feel that they judge me because I'm gay. Like if I'm at the store or at a restaurant, ill feel uncomfortable being around people. It usually happens around guys that seem masculine. I do not know if it has to do with the fact that I use to be bullied by a lot of guys when I was in high school, for being gay. I am out to my friends and my immediate family. My mother passed away when I was six from Lupus/Cancer and I live with my dad and sister. They are very accepting of me being gay and support me on the matter. But I just feel that people will always criticize me for being gay, I feel that I can't even sometimes finish college because Ill always encounter someone who will judge me. Its really been having a toll on my everyday life. And i truly need some advice. Like how is it that I can not care or let it get to me. Please advise me. Thanks guys

-jay

[East]

Well...the first thing I want to tell you is that all of your fears are true. You WILL be judged 'til the day you die by other people...

The good news ...if it isn't because you might be gay...it will be for a host of other reasons....

So I suggest this exercise to rid yourself of the demon that tortures you with this crap...

Ask yourself (honestly)...do you judge other people? Be truthful...at least to yourself. If so...you are in league with most of the rest of the people on the planet that regularly size up.... evaluate... and come to conclusions about other people every day.

..and the next time you feel you are being judged...identify with and humanize them and remember that you judge as well...and then silently wish them well and go on about your way feeling a little more secure and comfortable in your skin with each and every time you let it go and see it for what it is....

I promise this works...I have practiced what I preach and long ago came to terms with this and it is worth the relatively little bit of effort it takes to not see yourself solely, if at all, through other people's eyes...

Other people can only define you if you allow them to.

Good Luck!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Jay,

People will criticize you for the rest of your life because your 'that way'. I'm sorry, but the consequence of being an openly gay male is to be the object of distaste and hatred.

You just need to grow a thick skin or learn how to drink like a pro... I'd prefer you to do the thick skin thing as drinking just doesn't pan out.

Understand that Today is much, much, much - I can't express how much - better than yesteryears gone by. I have high hopes to live long enough to see homosexuality become so run of the mill that haters who hate homosexuals will be a rare thing indeed.

How? That depends on you. I do it by letting bygones be gone - Meaning I let the past remain where it is - as much as I can, and I just figure that everyone has an asshole, I mean an opinion... (same thing no?).

Walk on with your life... Its not that hard.

Time will learn you how to do it... Experiences from my generation just do not apply to yours - thus most of what I learned as coping mayn't actually help you. Life is a process of growth, and each generation has to define its own process.

[LJay]

The judgment of others is something that everyone has to live with, whether gay or straight or whatever. Your healthiest response is to be yourself and to be charitable to others. This applies regardless of your station in life. If you are true to yourself others will notice.

[Virge]

This will take some time to sink in ........

What good does it do to worry about things you have no control over? No one has control over other people's thoughts. All you can do is concentrate on being a person who makes good impressions on others and even then some people will still get an bad impression of you. It says more about them than you.

As for me I accept that I annoy the F**k out of 50% of the people I meet but losing sleep over it or even spending one minute worrying about it cuts into my own self generated happiness with this jerk called "me" that I have to spend all my life with.

When you find people who accept and like you for who you are... surround yourself with them and return the favor.

[Borg69]

Tall/short, young/old, rich/poor, dumb/smart, black/white/Brown, happy/sad, hairy/smooth, fat/thin, ... you WILL be judged for EVERYTHING... forever.

The fortunate thing is, you get to be indifferent to what strangers think.

Do you really give a rat's ass what someone you don't know thinks? ...and if you do care, want to change their opinion? Show confidence (not arrogance).

[Uneunsae]

You may need therapy to deal with the issue of bullying. I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder as a result from horrific bullying in school.

[Jake]

I am champion at not giving a darn shit of what people think of me. Until you meet me for real you don't know who I am and that's that.

[Steveonthelake]

Great advice by "East", Jay. I have followed the same principle. It is unfortunate, but it's human nature and only by being aware and hitting the "reset button" can we make any progress.
I am running into a situation at home myself....my family has been very supportive so far. I live with (and help take care of) my Mom who is suffering from Parkinson's Disease. We have caregivers that come in during the day/evening while I am at work to help her in every aspect of her day-to-day living.
The guy I have been seeing wants to meet the family and was in the area, so we stopped in so he could meet my Mom. Unfortunately the caregiver on duty is a bit too nosey and was put off when "Tim" and I went upstairs just to hang out. She called other caregivers, which resulted in a call to my Sister, implying that I was shacking up with this guy and "disrespecting" my Mom.
I've cleared things up with my sister and I suspect had I brought a "nice young lady home" that the caregiver could give a rat's ass what I was doing. This person isn't even a family member and is doing some major damage without even knowing the full story..........people judge, that's the unfortunate way of the world.

[jay2812]

Thank you so much for all your guys' response. How do you guys deal with issues at work? I feel that that's one of my fears. Sometimes I just want to nod give a f*** about what other ppl say but it's just so hard. It's true what many of you say, that it's a time process.