Scared and Concerned About What Others Think

[Virge]

Thank you so much for all your guys' response. How do you guys deal with issues at work? I feel that that's one of my fears. Sometimes I just want to nod give a f*** about what other ppl say but it's just so hard. It's true what many of you say, that it's a time process.

Skip that "Not give a F**k" step. It's not needed. Once you stop worrying about what others think and concentrate on just being just being the best guy you can be it just all falls into place without a need to put "I don't give a F*ck" on the to-do list.

Dealing with work?
I do my best at work. They all know I'm not heterosexual. Most of them have met my guy. There were all homophobes until I came to work there 3½ yrs ago. It took just a few weeks to gain their respect and for all things to work out. LOL... Now they talk about other people being homophobic... Too funny.

[Borg69]

Thank you so much for all your guys' response. How do you guys deal with issues at work? I feel that that's one of my fears. Sometimes I just want to nod give a f*** about what other ppl say but it's just so hard. It's true what many of you say, that it's a time process.

There are a slew of state, government, and company laws and policies in work places regarding harassment. Make sure you stay professional so that those rules aren't used against you.

[matty7]

I thought of a weird reply to this as most people have covered the other points - Why not imagine if you were 6 foot 6 and built like a wrestler right now and gay - would you be bothered about peoples opinions or what they may say to you - probable not as you have the size to snap there necks like twigs , the words of a stranger cant actually hurt you - its only how you intemperate them that does the damage - and to be honest, most people are too busy bitching about work and friends to worry about you who they may only fleetingly have come across

[Aike]

As others have already said, you probably will be judged whatever you do. If you learn to stop caring, all the better!

However, it might also be a good idea to think about your own self-acceptance. It's easy to convince yourself rationally that being gay is OK but it's much harder to extend that acceptance to the deepest levels of your mind. I'm just throwing this out there because it sometimes happens that we "outsource" our own self-doubt onto others, as if it was them who are judging us and not we ourselves. People who are self-confident tend to care less about what others think (even if they're actually being judgmental).

[TwisttheLeaf]

Everyone has things and/or qualities that they are self-conscious about. Things that make them feel vulnerable, yeah? In most cases, we are our most critical judges of all.

That said, there will also always be people who judge you negatively on their own perspectives and values concerning life and the world around them. Some will judge others for being blonde, or brunette. Some will judge others for being gay, bi or straight. Some will judge others for having straight teeth (ie, he's a snob and rich) or crooked teeth. Some people judge others for being good looking, believing them shallow even before meeting them, while others judge people for being ugly.

This is, unfortunately, a part of life.

It might sound cliche (although that makes it no less true), but you need to work on focusing on how YOU feel about yourself and not worry about how others look at you. Forgive yourself for being gay, accept and be proud of your choices, and those that judge you harshly won't matter half as much.

I know that this can be difficult, yeah? I come from an extremely judgmental, very traditional Korean father who not just judged but berated me on a daily basis throughout all of my life from the age of a toddler to the day he died. Why? Because I am attracted to men. Because I'm not (and never have been) "masculine" in his sense of the word. This could have turned me into a mess of self-doubt and even unconditional self-hatred. Instead, what I took away is that I am what I am. He didn't like it. That's not my problem, but his. This is an attitude you might want to try to adopt. People's judgements about you? They're not your problem, those judgements are the problem of the people with closed minds and closed hearts that are making the judgements. Don't let them make that your problem. You have enough to deal with in your own life without letting them pile their shit and problems on top of your doorstep.

[Alex]

I am champion at not giving a darn shit of what people think of me. Until you meet me for real you don't know who I am and that's that.

Oh that is so true LOL. While I am more concerned than he is, Jake really doesn't give a flying fuck about what others think of him, he walks on our lawn in its boxer brief, drink beer while mowing the lawn and doesn't give a shit in the world about his hairs, he has semi-long dread locks and doesn't sleep with a cap on so you guess that when he wakes up they are all fucked off and yet he doesn't care he'll still go at the mall with his hair looking like he puts all his fingers in the wall jack LOL.