Hi, 35 years old here,in a ltr always considered myself straight, i've watched the odd gay/transexual porn film but nothing more.
Around a week ago i went into a private toilet cublicle at work & someone had ejaculated into the sink (never seen this before or since). I'm aware this sounds strange but its true.
Never seen another mans sperm in real life before & it turned me on so much. Ran my finger through it, then smelled it. I was so turned on i had to relieve myself, whilst doing this i scooped up the other mans sperm from the sink & swallowed it.
When i'd finished i felt disgusted in myself & cant help but think about it.
Am i really gay? bi? or does it mean nothing at all. Im confused.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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Hmmm.....that is hard to say really and I don't think it is my place to define anyone else's sexuality as I think it is complex.
I can tell you one thing though...I am 100% gay and I would never do that...and even the thought of it is very unappealing....so I am not sure what you did would indicate at all that you are gay?
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Hot or disgusting for me depends on whose cum it was. As for any definitions on sexuality titles, only you can decide that for yourself.
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You actually "scooped up" and "swallowed" a stranger's spunk from a public sink and ate it while relieving yourself? Ewww. I'm gay and it would never in a million years occur to me to do that--for sanitation reasons alone. That's not to say that seeing it might not seem arousing.
What impressions start the erotic cascade in our brains culminating in our desire for further stimulation is complicated. Could be almost anything, really. For example, I have a bit of a 'thing' for high-top black Converse sneakers. It's just an erotic association that goes back to my youth.
I don't think what you did says anything about your sexuality. Sexuality is a bit of a continuum, not binary gay/straight, but what you're really talking about is sexual stimulation which is a bit different. A gay man can stimulate a straight man getting him hard even to ejaculation, doesn't mean the latter is gay, just that he can be stimulated by a man.
Being gay or bi means you're attracted to males, usually male bodies in general or aspects of them. Think about what attracts your attention in women. Do men's bodies have similar 'areas of interest' generating 'equivalent' turn-on signals for you? If not then you're probably not gay or bi strictly speaking although you may not be 100% straight (I'm of the opinion that most men aren't but that' just my opinion).
If you're really concerned about this I advise speaking with a professional as the concern could be more distressing for you than the act itself. If you find yourself gravitating toward unconventional sexual stimulation over time, again, you might want to speak with a professional. It's also true that our sexuality isn't a straight line or flat plane, different things 'turn us on' to one degree or another at different times in our lives.
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Thinking back, im also disgusted by this but im not 100% sure i dont want it to happen again. i'm curious to see if i would act the same.
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Finding and coming to terms with your sexuality is never easy for any of us. Take what ever time you need to explore your feelings and discover who you are, and remember is does not matter what your sexuality is and you do not have to label yourself either.
As for your incident in the toilet that is a bit odd, but most of all not the healthiest thing to do. Not trying to put you down here just want you to be careful and take care of yourself.
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Like Wolfpack said, beware of health risks. It's very much unhealthier than practicing oral sex, bcz of the toilet itself... I'd never try what you did & I strongly recommend you not to repeat it. Sorry if I'm mean.
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Camfer put a name to it for you, which with some research should help you in understanding what's going on with your reactions and what you did.
I agree that, if you aren't turned on and interested in the male anatomy, chances are what you're experiencing isn't an inclination towards gay or bi.... but, instead, the discovery of a personal fetish.
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