Do most gay men always look for someone "better"?

[East]

See, you were correct then. I am an awful person and gay men aren't obsessed with the gym, their hair, their abs, fashion, etc. It's all an evil illusion concocted by straight people. I only SEE it every day in the gay neighborhood I live in.

Oh yeah, but I'm only a wanna-be attractive person so cannot have a valid viewpoint. And if you're gay you can't point out any negative aspects of the gay community.

I am correct about you having an attitude problem. I hope that you find a way to change it. Attitude is everything.

[Virge]

^^^^^ x 10

Dude, I took a quiz a few nights ago about how to tell if you're gay or straight by the things you like, the clothes you wear and your hobbies. My straight friends scored more gay than I did. So yes, you're correct not all gays are absorbed about all the things you accuse them of being.

[East]

^^^^^ x 10

Dude, I took a quiz a few nights ago about how to tell if you're gay or straight by the things you like, the clothes you wear and your hobbies. My straight friends scored more gay than I did. So yes, you're correct not all gays are absorbed about all the things you accuse them of being.

Gay men are individuals that are as varied in nature and personality as straight men.

The OP doesn't understand that lumping all gay men together continually is the source of his attitude problem....just like racists don't understand that attributing characteristics to an entire race of people as though it is a fact says nothing about the race and everything about the racist.

[Virge]

Gay men are individuals that are as varied in nature and personality as straight men.

The OP doesn't understand that lumping all gay men together continually is the source of his attitude problem....just like racists don't understand that attributing characteristics to an entire race of people as though it is a fact says nothing about the race and everything about the racist.

I'm a bit amused that after all this he still hasn't considered that he might be his own problem. At what age does introspection develop in well adjusted humans?

[ExpatBrit77]

Well i was about to offer an opinion but don't think I'll bother now....lol

[East]

I'm a bit amused that after all this he still hasn't considered that he might be his own problem. At what age does introspection develop in well adjusted humans?

There are a lot of people who own nothing...ever. The good news...we all have the potential to get out of our own way if we want to.... because it is a choice.

[ETOTE]

Whaaa..? Not sure what you mean.

not your post, the thread.
the link should have directed to the thread.

a kink....apologies.

[Cuddly]

See, you were correct then. I am an awful person and gay men aren't obsessed with the gym, their hair, their abs, fashion, etc. It's all an evil illusion concocted by straight people. I only SEE it every day in the gay neighborhood I live in.

Oh yeah, but I'm only a wanna-be attractive person so cannot have a valid viewpoint. And if you're gay you can't point out any negative aspects of the gay community.

It sounds like you need to move away. If you don't like the neighbourhood, what's keeping you there?

I had written a large text about how any being relying on competitive sexual reproduction has means of making itself look more attractive and how you should surrender to the power of said programming and move the fuck on, but sadly that text got eaten up by the loss of my internet connection. But the smaller recap should convey the same message.
Love you. Kiss kiss. Bye.

[bilkiba]

"All you people who say "if you love someone", etc you don't judge only by appearance. Of course not. You must get TO the point of knowing someone before you can love them."

Well... people don't have to be pretty for you to get to know them and come to love them. In fact, they usually aren't. The first time I saw my partner, I didn't like anything about her looks. Not a single thing. I came to like her looks AFTER I started falling in love with her. And I kept talking to her after the initial meeting because she is fun and smart and entertaining to be around... looks had absolutely NOTHING to do with us getting together. I myself am far from attractive. I'm overweight and hairy, that doesn't look good on women ever. But that doesn't matter, because my partner came to love me the same way I came to love her... We met on a forum, for crying out loud.

And don't try to pull "that's different because you're women" because it's NOT. Women and men are just as likely to be superficial as each other, and just because the men around you are superficial does not mean all gay men are. If people are interested in a relationship of any kind, then your looks won't be a factor, at least not if that person and you will actually have any emotional connection. Meaning if you can't find anyone because they're all superficial, you don't want those people anyway, so why even worry about them? Why make a thread about them? Why ask "do most gay men always look for someone "better"?" if you don't want people to answer you with their own observations if they happen to contradict yours?

[ETOTE]

let's try this again....

It is my observation that since so much of what "drives" gay men is appearance based - that even when dating or in relationships many (if not "most") will drop one guy for a better looking one, a younger guy, one with a bigger dick, a nicer ass, etc. if and/or when that chance comes along.

For instance if a guy has no trouble getting partners he will be less inclined to stay with any one guy. Not that straight guys don't go through trophy wives/girlfriends, etc. too but this seems much more common in the gay community. Monogamy is the exception not the rule.

http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=32877

There are numerous stereotypes about homosexual men. If you disregard the flamboyant thing there are still plenty of prejudices left regarding promiscuity and superficiality; the kind of stuff you hear over and over.

Recently I'm beginning to realize that these generalized ideas are upheld not only by heterosexual homophobes, but also a lot of gay people themselves. Recently I've been talking to this gay guy I met on a site sort of like Gayspeak but for Swedish people only. He's 25 and after we had seen each other a few times he started dropping comments like "I wish I had come out at your age, I feel like I've missed so much", to which I obviously replied "Well, you're 25. You have many years of youth left, isn't it a bit too early to hit a mid-life crisis?"

He went silent for a while and then said "In the gay world, I went from youth to middle-age years ago". This made me think because it's not the first time I hear similar sentiments. Whether it be at a gay bar, or just walking past a pride parade, whenever I meet other gay guys aged 25-30 they somehow hint at feeling old already. I also remember when I registered on the aforementioned site (with more than 100 000 Swedish LGBT users) at 16 I would get 20+ messages every day from men in their 40's and 50's enquiring about sex. It got so bad I had to delete my account in disgust. I mentioned this phenomenon in a conversation with my ex (at 18) and he told me that a lot of gay Swedish teens apparently use the site for hook-ups, but once they turn 20 or so interest in them, even as nothing but sexual objects, begins to kind of fade.

Of course there are many exceptions, but apparently a farily substantial amount of gay men seem to fetishize the teenage body even as they grow into their middle ages and beyond. At the same time there's a substantial amount of gay teens who place ridiculously high demands on appearance; expecting their partners and one-night-stands to look like boytoys taken out of a porn flick.

Does this fairly cynical perception of the gay world match anybody else's view? I'm not saying I agree full-heartedly or anything but it bothers me when there appears to be a phenomenon that makes perfectly handsome and young 25-year olds feel too old to be desirable. That makes men feel like they lose the only purpose of existence with the decay of their bodies. That makes men fetishize bodies that are yet to be legal. I can't help but wonder how the guy I've been seeing will feel in 15 years.

I've always been sort of distanced from the idea that youth has to necessarily be the best part of life, since I enjoy so many things in the world that aren't related to the condition of my body. I can't even imagine the angst I would face in a few decades if I only saw my value as a sexual object...

http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=32924

Essentially, we are having the same conversation just from two opposite ends of the spectrum.

East is correct in asserting that Anonymous is lumping ALL gay men into the category of being superficial when it really only applies to SOME. However, Anon is also correct in asserting that superficiality does exist.

The issue of superficiality of looks, appearance and valuing youth though is not confined to just the "gay world", it is also very common in the straight world. The point that needs to be clear here in both these conversations is that it applies more so in the dating realm and more specifically if all you are looking for is sex or a hook up as I've previously mentioned.

I think it just may SEEM more prevalent in the gay world because the gay world is much smaller in general than the straight and usually dispersed in smaller community groupings, it's more condensed so more visible.