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Ok, so I'm gay and I've a boyfriend, he's 18 and I'm 19 years old. The thing is that his parents are completely against our relationship. Once they found out we're together, they're doing everything they can in order to separate their son from me. Yes, they're homophobic and they said they won't let me to stain their child. His parents doesn't let him to go outside the house to see me, if he wants to see his friends, he must invite them to his house, not me, of course. If he does go out alone, it seems that someone is always following him or looking out for him, because it happened once that just as we had met in the park, suddenly out of nowhere his mother appeared and ordered him to go home immediately. When he didn't listen, she just pulled him into the car by force. His father even threatened to shoot me if I ever approach his son again. He said he'll never allow me to turn his boy into a f*ggot like me. They even check his phone for text messages and calls. The only way how we can communicate, is Skype chat and also only when it's late night, his parents are asleep and he quietly turns on his computer under the blanket. We're having sleeping troubles already from spending almost the whole night talking instead of sleep.
My boyfriend is legally adult and maybe you'll ask why is he tolerating it. It's because he's still studying and he completely depends on his parents' money now. Once they told him - if you want to be with that fag, go and live on the street then. He doesn't have any other relatives and I cannot take him to my place either, because I'm living in a small one bedroom apartment together with my grandmother.
It's very hard for us to meet in person because of his parents' control. Once he climbed out of his bedroom's window at night and then we could kiss and hug each other for a short time. He managed to get back and his parents didn't notice, but we can't do this all the time.
What do you think? How can we be together?
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Ouch.
As much as I'd love to give some god-sent amazingly helpful advice, what is there to say? What could you possibly do? This is your boyfriend's parents' problem. It's out of your hands, more or less.
Courses of action available:
#1, your boyfriend keeps studying (maybe gets a job on the side) and eventually finishes with enough money to move out/in together with you.
#2, your boyfriend talks to his parents about this. He's gay and born that way and they cannot lock him in his room and expect him to be turned straight. It doesn't work that way.
#3, you get a job and get a place large enough for you two (and your grandmother if necesary).
#4, you split up.
That's all a bit harsh, I know.. Sorry.. I really wish you both the best, but I can't see any other possibilities.
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If he's 18, he probably has several years of school ahead of him.
His parents are not going to relent.
It comes down to whether or not you feel you can go on living this way.
As sad and heartbreaking as it is, some things just don't work out.
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Adam Wrote:If he's 18, he probably has several years of school ahead of him.
His parents are not going to relent.
It comes down to whether or not you feel you can go on living this way.
As sad and heartbreaking as it is, some things just don't work out.
^^
This
I'm sorry to say but as long as your boyfriend is dependent (financially and otherwise) on his parents, this situation won't change.
I do not suggest him becoming independent until he has either 1) finished his schooling or 2) figured out a way to continue his schooling without their support.
Sadly, love doesn't conquer all, no matter what the fairytales tell us.
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Read Romeo and Juliet, so you learn what NOT to do in this situation.
Surely your BF can be resourceful enough to find ways to spend time with you without his parents finding out.
Your BF should find a way to get into college and stay in the dorms instead of at home. Then he can more easily live his life.
Are you sure your granny won't accept him coming over? Not sure how old she is, but there are plenty of older people who wouldn't give a hoot who you love. Bring him over briefly and see how it goes, but stay out of the bedroom the first couple of times.
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Anything that you can do to be together will need to be behind his parent's backs. As one of advanced age, EVERY SINGLE THING that you do will be found out. That maelstrom would be far worse than what you are going through.
If you do really like each other, then keep it quiet and keep it private. And all night skyping is not going to help anything. Find other ways to talk, and realize that you don't have to talk for hours at a time.
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I paid for my own schooling by the sweat of my brow. I worked, long hard dirty hours in hard labor to pay tuition and books and eat and keep a roof over my head. Yeah it was a shitty roof, yeah the food was lousy... but I managed.
I did house painting, I did roofing, I did carpentry and hanging and taping drywall (the dustiest and heaviest thing you can do in construction)
I also managed to rack up debt in the form of student loans... and promptly pay off my student loans - and I paid off those loans while tweaking on mountains of meth and drinking oceans of alcohol. My life kinda side tracked from 'THE PLAN' what can I tell you, shit happens....
Dependency upon his folks is not altogether a real thing there. He is making an active choice to take the easiest route to whatever education fulfillment he has chosen.
No its not easy to carry full units/credits and a job that pays - especially if you are doing construction or other hard labor... its exhausting... But, it is an option. Plenty of people manage perfectly well working their way through higher education.
If he wants his freedom he needs to reach out and take it, claim it and then keep it by the sweat of his brow. Freedom is not given, it is taken - it is worked for and then you have to work to keep it.
Clearly, he feels that the price of his freedom is the tuition and comfy home life he has...
HE needs to decide what he wants, and you need to stand there and tell him he needs to decide.... Wait if you want to, that is on you... but you two need to come up with a plan of action, either you wait the 4-6 years of schooling is done, or he takes an active role in his own life and claims his own life.
His folks ain't gonna change no time soon... Don't expect that to happen. If they are following him around and ordering him around like he's 8 instead of 18, then you can be certain that ain't going to change until he demonstrates to them he doesn't need them in his life, by going out and grabbing life by the balls and telling them to stick their bank accounts where the sun don't shine.
THAT will send a clear message to them that if they want him in their lives, they are the ones who are going to have to compromise because they have no power over him anymore.
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Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:His folks ain't gonna change no time soon... Don't expect that to happen. If they are following him around and ordering him around like he's 8 instead of 18, then you can be certain that ain't going to change until he demonstrates to them he doesn't need them in his life, by going out and grabbing life by the balls and telling them to stick their bank accounts where the sun don't shine.
THAT will send a clear message to them that if they want him in their lives, they are the ones who are going to have to compromise because they have no power over him anymore.
So... wanna go out for dinner sometime?? 
You're right though. But that's quite a mouthful for a 18 year old. Getting a job isn't necesarily an option; there might not be any available to him. I like it though and hope it's something he can do.
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I feeling twisted, here's one way out there. Do you have any close friends that are girls.
If so, Have her act as you boyfriends Beard a few times in front of his parents, and you say that you and him just base ball card collecting friends, or, my lil Pony card collecting friends, or door knob collecting friends.
Whatever.
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Well, all I have to say is that karma's a bitch. Someday, they will lose their son because of their selfish ways, and that will most likely hurt them far more than they could ever hurt him.
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