Gay Friends or Friendship in General

[MikeW]

I agree with memechose that friends and acquaintances aren't the same. Even within the category of "friends" there are 'degrees' such as 'close' and 'best' etc. The most 'rewarding' to me are the 'best' ones and in that category their sexual orientation hasn't much to do with it.

Another way to look at this, perhaps, is that different people meet different 'needs' in one's social life. For example, when one has a partner, although you spend the vast majority of your time with him, fact is he may *not* meet every social 'need' you have.

Even when I was partnered my best gay friend and I met up at least once a week, sometimes with but most times without the partner. Why? Well we had a history that predated the partner, for one thing, but moreover we shared common interests, including one another's lives. I got to tell him all what was going on with me and the partner and he got to tell me all of what was going on in his personal life. But it wasn't just that, both of us had intellectual interests and a sort of 'on going' conversation about them that had been built up over decades. The partner wasn't apart of that.

[Virge]

Thanks MIke...

I thought of two other points about this and I'll make them short.

Forming string friendships with straight people is the only way to fight anti-gay feelings and homophobia. They can pass a thousand laws making homophobia legal but they cannot change hearts.

And something that really made me and the jerk I'm involved with was one night when two of our macho friends came over with a DVD of Brokeback Mountain that they didn't want all their friends and girl friends to know they wanted to see. So Jay and I dropped our plans for that night, broke out the pretzels and wings, beer and piled up in the rec room. When my straight room mate came in he took off his shoes and plopped on the couch with his feet in my lap and head on Jay's knee... and fell asleep. LOL.

When you have straight guys that comfortable around you... you have a right to feel good about yourself.
If it happened with a gay guy... it's not anywhere near the same thing.

[high5]

I had a gay male friend, the friendship was great, first because he didn't hit on me because he was gay, and we'd just hang out or go shopping, but we could talk for hours about anything and are personalities just gelled. In fact I prefer gay male friends to female one's.
Straight friendships can be tricky, especially if you're not out.

[bilkiba]

My best friend is (was?) a straight guy. He knew and understood me better than anyone else. That said, most people who have ever been friends of mine have been straight guys.

[JimmyEcho]

I like these guys
Really good, understanding and outstanding, straight friend!

[Uneunsae]

What most people consider "friends", I call "acquaintances". I don't really care too much for this type of relationship because it's very pretentious and people BS a lot. I'm not really one for light, casual conversation. It's just not my personality. BUT acquaintances are the first step to something more serious, and I recognize that. However, if someone stays at acquaintance level for months and months despite my effort to change that, then I end up losing interest.

I prefer having just a few close friends and don't really care much about the numbers. Some people feel they need to have lots of friends.

The thing I think is absurd though is when people behave as if their acquaintances are really close friends. It's so fake.

[Aike]

I don't really know any gay guys so I can't comment on the merit of having gay guys as friends.

Most of my friends, either in real life or online, are women. I just generally feel more comfortable around women and find myself in places where most people are women (like university, especially my major, and my job). And those people I've shared my personal secrets with have been women.

Having said that, I'll have to add that I don't really feel like "one of the girls" whenever I'm with my female friends. And that has resulted in me feeling more or less like an outsider regardless of whether I'm around men or women.

I really need more gay friends..

[Virge]

i like these guys
really good, understanding and outstanding, straight friend!

great link jimmy!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I too have a clear definition in my head what friend and acquaintance is.

Most of my friends are dead. And I haven't done much to go out and find replacements.

There was a goodly mix of gender and sexual orientation. I'd say that gal-pals were more useful to me for gay related stuff than gay guys. Perhaps its just the way I approach life in general, my failure to see things as gay/straight and see it more like human issues.

I find that every relationship I have with each individual has its own rewards. Its difficult for me to see any one friendship as being more rewarding than any other. Thus I can't say if a gay friend is better than or more rewarding than a straight one.

People are unique, bring different things to the circle...

[ETOTE]

Hhhmmm...

Guess it would depend.

I don't have enough close friends period, especially any living close to me anymore.
However, the close friends I do have (here and abroad) all identify as straight but about half of them I know are not entirely straight as they have some level of interest or curiosity in guys. I have very few female friends as I tend to get along better with dudes and most women I meet (and often many guys)...just ends up being sexual.

Damn, my life is depressing.