Gay Friends or Friendship in General

[LJay]

So what's about that visit Memechose? I'm only halfway across the country.

[Sensibility]

What most people consider "friends", I call "acquaintances". I don't really care too much for this type of relationship because it's very pretentious and people BS a lot. I'm not really one for light, casual conversation. It's just not my personality. BUT acquaintances are the first step to something more serious, and I recognize that. However, if someone stays at acquaintance level for months and months despite my effort to change that, then I end up losing interest.

I prefer having just a few close friends and don't really care much about the numbers. Some people feel they need to have lots of friends.

The thing I think is absurd though is when people behave as if their acquaintances are really close friends. It's so fake.

Wow, I thought you'd quoted something I wrote. Apparently we think very similarly on this issue. Caught me off guard, haha.

Edit: Also, thank you guys for your feedback. I've got some new ideas to think about now

[AdamAndWill]

Will: This is an interesting question. My closest friend is straight. I met him 14 years ago. We came up through academy together and have been friends and coworkers ever since. I never had a problem talking to him about issues related to me being gay. I cam out to him first, and his advice about when and how to come out at work got me through what could have been rough situations. Ten years ago, the words "gay" and "cop" were considered to be mutually exclusive. I feel such a level of comfort with him. I'd trust him with my life (actually, I have once or twice lol).

I do have gay friends, but none with whom the friendship rises to the same level. I think we do ourselves a real disservice if we choose our friends on the basis of gender or orientation or anything but comfort, love and trust.

[JimmyEcho]

WOW!!
DAMMIT, YOU GUYS!!
NO!!, I'm not going to get all sentimental, I'm not going to let myself fall.
YEAH,-- O.K. SO ,I can relate to some of your stories, but we all have been there.
This is what makes us strong, and having a Forum like this is so WONDERFUL.

I just read what I wrote. GAY!!, I'm done.

[Virge]

So what's about that visit Memechose? I'm only halfway across the country.

First I've heard about me heading east LJay. If I said that I must have been high on ginger crack. If you just wishing you heard me say it.... LOL... well.... you might wanna take a whiff of that hand you didn't wish in.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Do you have gay male or if you are a woman, lesbian friends?

In RL, not really. I used to prior to Gideon, but as I started to change and shift from providing a "superficial" amount of myself to my friends to a more genuine self, I slowly ended up filtering out most of the friendships I once had.

Turns out, they weren't friends. They were people who enjoyed hanging out with someone without issues or problems. Not quite the same thing.

Trying to talk to a straight guy about gay things is an exercise in futility. And talking to girls is fun and all but being attracted to the same sex doesn't bridge the gender gap in my opinion. Or the fact that one person is gay and the other is straight.

Do you find your friendships with gay guys rewarding.

Interestingly? (or at least it's interesting to me) I just had someone recently start talking to me on here that had run into the same issue concerning needing a bisexual friend to talk to. I've found that I've really enjoyed our talks quite a lot and would like to consider this person to be a budding friendship. Their inputs are something I value and this seems to be a mutual feeling. Through deep discussions with them, I've learned quite a lot about myself as well as been given the gift of seeing different perspectives on myself and other topics. In truth, they've also made me start to wonder if I'm actually bisexual or pansexual. The label doesn't really matter, but it is an interesting turn of events, regardless... and an educational one. (Interesting article for that debate, btw.)

I also have a second online friend I occasionally talk with about gay topics. Primarily, we talk about his journey to coming out of the closet and new experiences along the way. There are also other interests, of course. I enjoy his friendship as well.

MOST of my "gay discussion", of course, is with Gideon. As my partner, this isn't surprising I would discuss... well, anything and everything with him. If we couldn't have such an open relationship, it wouldn't work as well as it does.

[AdamAndWill]

(Adam) My closest friend IRL is gay. That being said, our friendship has less to do with being gay than with the fact that we have so much in common and that our lives seem to be running along parallel tracks and we share a strong bond of trust. We've been there for each others best and worst moments.

At this point in my life, the issues that I face are not necessarily "gay" issues - just the normal stuff that most people go through. I actually have more straight than gay friends. The whole gay vs straight friends seems like pretty much of a non-issue. Trust is what counts.

[quasiotter]

Although it's been said, I would like to reiterate that there is definitely some comfort in having friends with the same/similar type of sexual/emotional attractions. I think there is a lack of anxiety when talking about queer issues that I find important.

For me:

•*I have a queer male friend, and we are not attracted to each other at all. We are extremely open and candid with each other, and support each other in ways that we can relate to. We weren't aware of each others' attractions until we were already friends. This is my closest relationship at the moment.

• My ex is still my (long-distance) friend. He might as well be straight, because we have such different views on sex, relationships, etc.

• I have two friends with benefits. I honestly, HONESTLY would be friends with them if they were both straight. I immensely enjoy the times where we are just two people talking about our lives.


I signed up for a lot of forums and sites since I broke up with my ex (including this one), for the possibility of meeting gay people to talk to and possibly cuddle with! Since I met the two FWBs, I feel less inclined to meet any more gays. I see these sites now as just keeping the door open to meet great people who happen to identify as non-heterosexual.

[meridannight]

i have a similar thing, i don't really classify someone a friend unless we really know one another. a friend is certainly not someone i only know from the internet, and most people i casually interact with are just acquaintances. a friend is someone i've formed an emotional connection to.

unfortunately no, i don't have a single gay friend. all my friends are straight guys. they're great but there are times i wish i had a close friend who was gay. there are some things that a straight guy is just not able to relate to, and at times i need someone who can do that.

[Bluelight]

I've had a few gay friends, but all of them have made advances on me, and I wasn't interested in any of them... two of them were already friends, both were clearly interested in me, and one kept asking me if I liked the other, which really annoyed me.

Another gay guy friend I had would get really inappropriate once he had a few drinks. The shit he pulled was borderline sexual harassment, and he even made advances at straight guys. I think he was sexually frustrated...

So, I have no doubt in my mind that maybe I'll have a gay friend some day, someone who I can actually call a "friend", but that's been my experience with gay "friends" so far. They all really drove me up the wall.