Dumped, and it hurts so much.

[GuyOverThere]

I've been dating this guy for around 2 months, and things really took off quickly. We seemed to be madly in too each other, and most days he wanted to hang out and go for long walks. Before this we'd been chatting for nearly a year.

Things were going well until around the last few weeks. He seemed off with me and kept dropping me signals like "I'm sure you have lots of guys on the go" - "I loved your last selfie. You should use that as your Grindr pic".

Friday night was a major point. We met up as usual, but he didn't kiss me in the car. For much of the evening he sat on the far end of the sofa and chatted to someone on his phone. He was distant to me all evening and ordered a taxi for me to go home around 3am, after we'd talked about his exes (one of which he says he misses terribly, yet doesn't ever want a relationship with again).

He text me last night to say he doesn't feel relationship chemistry between us, but keeps talking about being friends. Why does he want to be friends?

I'm really upset, as I liked this guy so much. I've blocked him and hope he just goes away.

I'm suspicious he's met someone else, and just wants to keep me around in case the other relationship doesn't work out.

[ExpatBrit77]

so sorry for you huge hugs. all i can say is that I know it hurts.
to be honest there isn't any way of knowing unless you can find the courage to ask him yourself. that's your call.
if your last suspicion is correct, he's an arsehole and doesn't deserve a single moment of your time. you deserve better.

[CellarDweller]

((((GoT)))) Sorry that you got hurt, I wish it had ended differently.

[weegie]

Sadly, it is too easy to give your heart to a guy who is interested only in an organ a bit further down. He will probably treat his most recent partner as he treated you. One day, when it is too late, he will realize that time has run out and he is all alone. For you it hurts now, but that will pass. There are decent guys about, though whether grindr is the best place to find them is doubtful! Good luck!

[AdamAndWill]

Will: I'm sorry, I know that it hurts so damn much. But man, I have to say you have the most sensible and mature attitude I've ever seen in a post like this. You're absolutely right that being friends (which is probably a guilt response on his part) is going to prolong the hurt for you. As painful as it is, what you're doing, a clean break, is the only way to deal with this.

Whatever his reason, it's about him, not about you or anything you did. You're strong and you'll get past this and find someone else who appreciates you more.

[ExpatBrit77]

sorry I just re-read your post.
Sorry if I'm talking out of turn but this guy is a total f*cker. He spoke to SOMEONE ELSE on the phone when he was with you? WTF? and that comment about it being a good grindr photo?
I say cut him loose and now. I stand by my previous comment about you deserve better.

[Cuddly]

and that comment about it being a good grindr photo?

I'm not sure how to read that part. Did he mean for that to be a compliment? Because I read that as a "I've noticed you have Grindr installed and use it actively, clearly you're not interested in me, so why don't you take that selfie and use it to find some new meat, cause I'm not into you anymore!!!".

Blocking him sounds a bit childish, but I guess it's the quickest and easiest way to move on. Simply cutting him off completely.

Either way, I'm sorry about your heartache and hope you feel better now.

[GuyOverThere]

I'm not sure how to read that part. Did he mean for that to be a compliment? Because I read that as a "I've noticed you have Grindr installed and use it actively, clearly you're not interested in me, so why don't you take that selfie and use it to find some new meat, cause I'm not into you anymore!!!".

We had a fall out the other week. He felt like a failure over something and told me to find someone else, despite my pleading that I'd stand by him and help him. I thought it was over then and re-installed Grindr. He messaged me on there to say clearly I wasn't upset over the break up, before blocking me. We got back together after that, but only for a short while, obviously.

I've never cheated on anyone. If I meet a guy I like, I generally uninstall Grindr by the 3rd date. It just feels the correct thing to do.

See what he's like?

[Virge]

Hi G.O.T.

I read this when I woke 2 hours ago and put off answering so I could think about it. The other answers have all been supportive and kind. I'm afraid what I have to say may be less than that when you look at it on the surface.

I was in a very similar situation in 2007. The guy told me I was too inexperienced and too young to be thinking of us as a couple. He said I needed to date around for a couple of years and that we could still be friends with benefits. I was pretty much devastated BUT took time to think it out and take a different route than you're taking so far.

As bad as I wanted to blow him off for hurting me I realized that if if I did I'd have no chance of being around him at all. I accepted things as he wanted them to be, went along with it all even though it was not what I wanted. I made big efforts to put the hurt aside and become more fun to be around, more tolerant of his flings with guys and over time I was the guy he turned to to whine moan and complain about other men treating him like shit. I was also saving my pay so I could travel 8200 miles to see him every chance I had. When he and I chatted on line (with him initiating it EVERYDAY at least once) I avoided discussing my sex life as much a possible because I really had no sex life but there was no reason to let him know that. And he was constantly curious about what I was doing with whoever. I wouldn't even get perved up when we were camming ---- telling him he'd have to wait until the next time I came to see him.... so that led him to start being anxious for me to visit him.

It took 2 years three months and twelve days to break out of all that. it all came to a head when he'd gone through so much drama dating that he was talking to me online about dropping everything just to travel to come see me. I offered to pay and he backed out --- and he went into a couple of weeks of the shittiest moods and attitudes, feeling sorry for himself and texting, camming and emailing me to complain almost every hour (or it seemed like it) So... I did what a friend would do. I flew in to surprise him be supportive and then get back on a plane and fly back home 13 hours later. He was really mad I wasn't staying longer and the way things ended at the airport I left thinking it was over.

I was emotionally exhausted and numb and really didn't care if it did end. I got home 32 hours later and he'd been texting and chatting with my room mate the whole time --- and got my mother's number and had been calling her as well. He'd made a total about face and decided HE didn't want it to end and was getting my room mate and Mom to act as intermediaries to get me to talk with him. He and I talked but I finally started showing all the hurt I'd felt for so long. I think it was 12 days later he got his butt on a plane and came to visit me --- to work things out. We slept together 3 nights in clothes while the talking was done. HE finally came out and said he didn't want to go back to dating anyone else and wanted to see if he and I could really work out a relationship. Now it's 2014. He's moving here in December, and we're already planning a marriage July 2015.

We talk a lot about the 2 year plus ordeal we went through. He says I grew up 10 years in that time and showed how strong and level headed I could be. Then he turns around and says he learned not to be so practical, take chances and get out of his comfort zone. Since then he's really opened up and told me this morning he's not going to bitch anymore about me skydiving and that he'll try doing it...

I'm telling you all this so I can make a point and show you a mistake you've made. In the two years 3 months and 12 days of pure hell I went through I must have thought a couple of thousand times of blocking him, cutting him out of my life. If I had none of my dreams would have come true with him.

You blocked him because you were hurt.
You let your emotions push you into a decision to end something you really don't want to end....
And I wish I knew how to tell you to fix it. I really do.

Here's a funny picture of what you did by blocking him...

"You broke my heart..... so....."

[Borg69]

It kinda sounds like he has some pretty major insecurity issues, and calls things off before they can even really get started. It's a defense mechanism to keep himself from getting hurt. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but seems like he's got a lot of baggage to work through before he's ready for a real, committed relationship.

You're a hot guy with a lot of great qualities. Don't take blame for his faults. It isn't you, it's him.