Dumped, and it hurts so much.

[Wolfpack]

Sounds like he is just not ready to make a commitment with you, or he just wants to keep you on standby incase it does not work out for him with someone else.

Anyway *hugs* your heart will heal in time.

[MikeW]

Sigh.

One of the things I like about this forum is we want to be helpful. The problem is, we don't get anywhere near a full picture of what is really going on in a situation like this. It isn't your fault, OP, it's just a limitation of the medium.

I agree the grinder comment was, as we say here in the US, "harsh." Uncalled for. I also agree his ignoring you and all that is just plain unacceptable behavior. But what we don't know is what is really going on with this guy, what's motivating this behavior. What does it have to do with you? Anything?

I also take memechose's point; it is easy to cut off one's nose to spite one's face. Sometimes what is needed is maturity, patience, forgiveness, understanding, a willingness to endure our BFs 'acting out'.

It can go either way and it is very difficult to advise someone without knowing all the facts and personalities involved. I'm remembering when I first started dating what eventually became my first male partner. At first things were great but then the 'troubles' started showing up. At one point he got very angry at me and started becoming verbally abusive to me in my apartment. I put a stop to that and kicked him out and made it clear I wouldn't take abuse from anyone, especially in my own home. At the time both of us thought it was 'over'. However, although it took some time, we eventually worked through whatever it was that was the real issue there (don't even remember what it was).

The point being that relationships require more than just 'getting along'. They require being willing to go *through* the difficult times, look at them, communicate about them, try to understand them and one another, and work through them by making changes that solve the problem. Of course, there has to be some willingness on both guys' parts to do that. There has to be enough 'interest' in one another TO do that.

A relationship of a few months has brought you to a certain stage. It can either end here or you can take the next step and explore what is really going on. Example: When two men get close, they often encounter their own fear of intimacy--which is more than sex. Intimacy means opening up your soul and being honest with yourself and one another about what your real needs (again, more than sex) are. Many guys unfortunately have no idea how to do this. They've grown up in a culture that focuses on the superficial to the expense of the real heart of who we are and what we really need to be healthy, fulfilled human beings.

So OFC none of us can say for sure, "well you were right to do that," or "no you should have done this…" None of us know for sure. We only know what we know from our own limited experience and very limited knowledge of you and the other guy.

My question is, what do you really want? In life. In this situation. Do you even know? If you don't know or aren't sure, think about it. Do more than just 'think', let yourself feel your way through the whole of it. For IF this is an issue of 'understanding' and 'communication', this is going to come up again, even if it is with a new guy. The situation may be different, different person, different set of problems, but ultimately *every* relationship is going to have its set of problems. Some problems are total deal breaks, no way around it. But others, though they may look that way at the time, *can* be resolved with a bit of patience and effort. You can't know until you dig into it a bit.

I just hate to see guys get so prickly with each other that they push one another away when what they *really really* want is to be loved, warts and all.

[Jake]

sorry I just re-read your post.
Sorry if I'm talking out of turn but this guy is a total f*cker. He spoke to SOMEONE ELSE on the phone when he was with you? WTF? and that comment about it being a good grindr photo?
I say cut him loose and now. I stand by my previous comment about you deserve better.

I can see that some people here are as much emotional than the Ops. As MikeW said in its eloquent post (as always Mike ); we do not have full details of what happened between the two, there's only one side and none of us has witness what went between the two months. Also as I said often and will say it again... TWO Months is not a relationship, a relationship cannot be define in a two months dating, simply because it's too magical, often too sexual. If you loved him that much dear OPS - not that I don't understand your reaction from being hurt, you would have agreed to take a break and go on with that friendship offer. I know just like Memechose said sometime you got to learn to swallow your pride, what defines a real relationship is when both understand that sometimes someday one will fall in the nerves of the other.

Two months or even more years of relationship does bring insecurities and it's just normal. All of you champion of relationship out there you're not going to make me swallow that all is blue sky for you on that front. But for those like my husband and I who have passed the cap of the 5 years relationship AND LIVING together, you have learned to convey your fears and insecurities and speak it off with your love one.

It's a learning curve for you OPS, but don't stop there, yes you were hurt, but love wounds can heal if you have the will for it.

What happened with you and you dude, I served it to my husband in the beginning of our relationship, after being 4 months together, I've started being scared and jealous of his surroundings, but even if I'm a behavioural psychologist, it doesn't mean that those feelings doesn't apply to me. The message your dude said about Grindr sounds to me that it was a bit of insecurities, or even jealousy toward you... which finally got to him and made him say things he may regret now. But there's only one way for you to find out, unblock him and talk it off.

We, the member of GS, there's very little we can do, unless feeling sorry for you. But I may sound like an asshole, but I for say do not feel sorry for you. I feel happy for you because this could have happened in a time where your relationship with your dude would have been much more serious and less physical... and that's hurt much more. I'm sorry for not feeling sorry!

[Camfer]

He probably wants to be friends because he respects you and enjoys your company. Dating for 2 months sounds like a good amount of time to get to know someone.

You may want to consider unblocking him, apologizing for doing so, explaining that you did it because you felt hurt and really liked how things were progressing between you two, and asking for some time apart so you can get over the hurt to some extent. It won't be easy, but it might be the right course of action.

OR, he could be a jerk not worth your time. That is why you take time to reflect on who you are , who he is, and how you two intersect. Making choices when you are filled with emotion often leads to poor choices.

Personally I don't hold someone in high regard if they block all communication. To me, it shows a lack of emotional maturity or a lack of character. I'm not making a judgement about you in particular since I don't know you, but the people who've blocked me in real life, I certainly think less of them for it.

I am sorry for your very real pain from this situation.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

'Give crowns and pounds and guineas. But not your heart away;

The poets always have their fingers on the pulse of these sorts of things....

[MisterLove]

We've all been there before and we all know it's tough. Time heals everything, just forgive and forget and move on with your life. Don't show any resentment either: it's destructive and not worth it at all.

[GuyOverThere]

Great words guys, thanks.

I know maybe blocking him was extreme, but it's a case for me of "out of sight, out of mind". I almost can't bring myself to talk to him. I do miss him and feel sad, but I think it's generally me missing the memories of the things we did together. It was only two months, but we saw each other nearly every day and spent a lot of time together. He made feel really happy.

A week or so back he said to me that he needs me in his life as either a friend or partner. I'll give it another week and see how I feel.

[ETOTE]

I'm suspicious he's met someone else, and just wants to keep me around in case the other relationship doesn't work out.

Were you even in a relationship with him to begin with?
It takes two to have a discussion and come to an agreement to be exclusive and committed to each other.

In agreement with meme, mike and jake.
We don't have all the info, but...
Specifically with knowing someone for 2 months is not a relationship...

What's wrong with dating other people if you are not in a committed relationship?

It is one thing that baffles me at times with some people that think by the 2nd date or something, you're supposed to be in an official, committed relationship with that person you went on a date with. This goes for anybody, guy, girl, gay, bi, straight etc.

Wreaks of insecurity.

[CellarDweller]

I know maybe blocking him was extreme, but it's a case for me of "out of sight, out of mind". I almost can't bring myself to talk to him. I do miss him and feel sad, but I think it's generally me missing the memories of the things we did together. It was only two months, but we saw each other nearly every day and spent a lot of time together. He made feel really happy.

A week or so back he said to me that he needs me in his life as either a friend or partner. I'll give it another week and see how I feel.

You need to take care of yourself fright now. He broke up with you, and you're allowed to not want to see him or talk to him, and he has to suck it up and deal with that.

Don't let him guilt you into doing anything you don't want to do. You just do what you need to for yourself, and if you want to see him/talk to him later on, then you can.

[GuyOverThere]

Yes I know what you mean, Etote. He never called it a relationship, but carried on like we were married at times. He hated that I got attention from guys (especially someone I worked with who was gay). He threw a huge hissy fit when I reinstalled Grindr after our fall out. There were also many times he'd say I was his boyfriend, but other times said he was still sussing me out and it might take 6 months until he'd call me that.

He was a complex guy with many issues.

I will talk to him again in time, but I need a break right now.