I just got a PM from someone who asked me to tell him - honestly - what I would do if Adam wanted a threesome. My immediate ( and very non-politically correct) reply was, What would I do when? Before or after the funeral?
And I'm trying to think that through. And all I can come up with is, I've gotten past the point where I can separate out the sex from the loving. I don't even know if that makes sense.
I'd love to hear what other guys who are in long-term, committed relationships think. Or just anyone for that matter. This damn forum is making me think too much.
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Well...there is no one right answer for everyone because we are all different as are the dynamics in each of our relationships....
In general...I think jealousy and insecurity and fear are like any disease...they will slowly kill you and make the quality of life hell. Situations such as threeways can help you confront and overcome your deepest fears and insecurities.
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It's funny how (for some of us) our viewpoints and ideas change about certain things as we grow older.
I was always the monogamous relationship kinda guy with concrete ideals/rules/constructs about how things "should" go...no ifs, ands, or buts, no compromising, etc.
After being in a relationship for five plus years now, that old mindset is basically thrown out of the window. When you really love and care about someone, it's not so easy be so cut and dry about everything. Part of the deal is compromising and tying to understand where your partner is coming from.
If my partner came to me and mentioned the idea of trying a threesome, I would first question what his intentions are, why he wants to do it, etc. just to be sure he's not wanting to jump into something like that for all the WRONG reasons.
At this point in my life, I can honestly say that I would not be opposed to it. But I wouldn't agree to such a thing until I'm sure we're both on the same page, and get all the "housekeeping" done beforehand. Threesome don't seem to be something just any couple can do well without having dead set rules on the table at the start.
tl:dr...your mindset about such things can (and sometimes WILL) change over time. I'm not opposed to the idea, but I will make some inquiries first.
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Pretty much the same as you.
We tried it once at the beginning of the relationship. Problem was, we were just so focused on each other that having a 3rd in the equation was awkward and just.... felt wrong, yeah?
Now, years later? No. FUCK no.
Just no.
And chances are if I asked Gideon for a threesome (which as you can tell, from my reaction above, would never happen) I'd end up with a broken nose, a body-print dent in the wall, and a very sore ass... in that order. Then he'd probably go after whoever the 3rd was supposed to be and break their neck. ((Dude is -very- possessive and protective of what he considers his..... which, well, is me.))
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TwisttheLeaf Wrote:Pretty much the same as you.
We tried it once at the beginning of the relationship. Problem was, we were just so focused on each other that having a 3rd in the equation was awkward and just.... felt wrong, yeah?
Now, years later? No. FUCK no.
Just no.
And chances are if I asked Gideon for a threesome (which as you can tell, from my reaction above, would never happen) I'd end up with a broken nose, a body-print dent in the wall, and a very sore ass... in that order. Then he'd probably go after whoever the 3rd was supposed to be and break their neck. ((Dude is -very- possessive and protective of what he considers his..... which, well, is me.))
Will: I don't know Gideon, but I can tell you that I like the guy - a LOT. Maybe we were separated at birth lol. But yeah, it feels good to know that there are people who get it. I'm not good at sharing, at least when it comes to Adam. And BTW, he is NOT asking for threesomes - he's probably going to strangle me when he finds that I've inserted him into this.
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TwisttheLeaf Wrote:Pretty much the same as you.
We tried it once at the beginning of the relationship. Problem was, we were just so focused on each other that having a 3rd in the equation was awkward and just.... felt wrong, yeah?
Now, years later? No. FUCK no.
Just no.
And chances are if I asked Gideon for a threesome (which as you can tell, from my reaction above, would never happen) I'd end up with a broken nose, a body-print dent in the wall, and a very sore ass... in that order. Then he'd probably go after whoever the 3rd was supposed to be and break their neck. ((Dude is -very- possessive and protective of what he considers his..... which, well, is me.))
(Adam) You and I are definitely on the same page. For me, it just feels wrong.
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East Wrote:Well...there is no one right answer for everyone because we are all different as are the dynamics in each of our relationships....
In general...I think jealousy and insecurity and fear are like any disease...they will slowly kill you and make the quality of life hell. Situations such as threeways can help you confront and overcome your deepest fears and insecurities.
(Adam) In fairness to Will, the dynamic here has less to do with jealousy than with re-establishing trust, and since I'm the one who was careless with that...well yeah, there's still some insecurity on his part I think. So yeah, as I've said, a work in progress.
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AdamAndWill Wrote:Will: I don't know Gideon, but I can tell you that I like the guy - a LOT. Maybe we were separated at birth lol. But yeah, it feels good to know that there are people who get it. I'm not good at sharing, at least when it comes to Adam. And BTW, he is NOT asking for threesomes - he's probably going to strangle me when he finds that I've inserted him into this.
*Chuckles* Nice to meet you, Will. (And Adam) I definitely get it. I don't share well with others...at all. I'm also, as Twist says, very possessive. This doesn't usually(or not always) stem from feeling threatened or insecure though, sometimes it stems from simply being protective. And I am that too, in spades.
I'm also very clear up front that I am a possessive SOB. I'm not apologetic about it, it's just who I am...and I am very lucky in that Twist actually -enjoys- my possessive nature. It makes him feel loved, cherished...special. And he is...absolutely.
I didn't follow the whole beginning posts before the two of you registered together, but I did get a few glimpses and just want you to know, I get that too. I don't think I would be nearly as okay with Twist being here if I wasn't here too...He started in another forum that I did -not- like. It didn't feel like a safe atmosphere for him(IMO) and I just could not rest easy about it...which is why he found this place and asked me to come with him here.
You're not alone, dude. *Grins* And nothing wrong with appreciating what you have and protecting it.
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I think it is great if your relationship is so 'tight', you're both so into one another, the thought of sharing your love making with anyone else just doesn't even compute.
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AdamAndWill Wrote:(Adam) In fairness to Will, the dynamic here has less to do with jealousy than with re-establishing trust, and since I'm the one who was careless with that...well yeah, there's still some insecurity on his part I think. So yeah, as I've said, a work in progress.
I wasn't really thinking of Will or anyone in particular when I made the post. In fact...this was my experience. I do think fear and insecurity are a disease that can cripple someone and one that will make anyone's quality of life diminish...I know because I have been there. Letting go of my fears and insecurities was a long and very hard process..but worth every bit of effort I dedicated to it. Free you mind...and the rest will follow.
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