Unexplained Guilt with Older Man

[MoonLemon]

(I hope I did this reply thing right)

NO NO NO. Never Bareback, never will. If any guy even suggested that I would run.

Just as an update, the guilt has subsided a lot. I get the dynamic of the whole thing a lot more now. A couple close friends of mine also helped me clear up my feelings. I've learned to just enjoy the ride, really. He's cruising around a little more than I'd like in a FWB (I only care because of my own health) , but he seems scared to death of giving any STD to me, which is comforting.

Thanks for the advice everyone! It was actually really helpful for me to clear up my own thoughts and get over any stigmas I might have been feeling.

Adjusting to living on my own in week is more on my mind anyway!

[Bluelight]

Do you think that maybe you're feeling sad because deep down, you actually DO want a relationship? But perhaps you're avoiding one because it wouldn't be an easy undertaking at this moment. I don't know, I've never been with anyone before, but I have felt the above in the past.

Also, you might want to consider what kind of complications this might create for a future boyfriend; will they be comfortable with the fact that you've been sleeping with this guy? Of course, there's nothing wrong with it, you are a human being with human needs and desires, but just keep that in mind... you might wanna put a decent block of time between this sexual relationship and your next romantic one.

[MercerMerry]

You mentioned that you were "getting over the guilt" of sleeping with this man.....what guilt might that be? Regardless of whatever the age difference might be, you are both consenting adults and obviously have an attraction to each other. Could the guilt be about being gay in general? You spoke of your parents wondering where it is you've been spending so much time....do they know you are gay? Also, the overwhelming concerns about STD's (oops...I guess those concerns are never overwhelming)....do you have a lot of other sexual contacts? He seems to enjoy other dalliances...perhaps you might (deep down) want an exclusive relationship and the realization that it isn't meant to be is weighing heavily on you. Seems you enjoy the good times (sex/sleepovers), but get down when he's not around.
My humble advice? Do a little soul searching and see if a FWB situation is truly cool with you or if you might prefer a man of your own, full time. With college looming, it'd be wise to get your head straight and know what boundaries you have with your love life/sex life. I've been with David for 30 years....yes, 30. Met him when I was 22...he was 30. Raised catholic, I felt guilt if I walked out of the house without "sensible" shoes on, so gulit isn't a foreign thought. I've gotten past that, only because I wanted to be happy in life, whatever choices I made or with whomever I chose to love. I hope this can happen with you, too, ML.

[MoonLemon]

"Could the guilt be about being gay in general? You spoke of your parents wondering where it is you've been spending so much time....do they know you are gay?"

Yes, I am out to my parents, they are loving and supportive. I'm also very confident and love being gay

"do you have a lot of other sexual contacts? He seems to enjoy other dalliances...perhaps you might (deep down) want an exclusive relationship and the realization that it isn't meant to be is weighing heavily on you. Seems you enjoy the good times (sex/sleepovers), but get down when he's not around."

well no... I've only slept with 2 guys before; him and and an old boyfriend like a year ago.

At the end of the day I would like an exclusive relationship over a FWB. Not necessarily with him... but in general I do. I do wanna have a family and children eventually... have a nice story with a guy that's like my best friend (it sounds cheesy as hell, teehee). Considering I stopped looking for anyone else to sleep with/ lost in interest in trying after getting this FWB, I probably can't be promiscuous. I like settling down, being comfortable with someone.

I feel fine after sleeping with him now. No guilt or anything (happy, actually. hehe). However, it's gunna take some introspection to see if a similar event in the future will make me sad.

My safety is the number one concern. As long as I don't catch anything , I can deal with the emotional scars and learn from them .