friends, social, relationship, life rant :(

[breakfree]

This has been wrote many times but i want to write a thread in my way, i am desperately struggling to meet new friends and people, yeah i may live near one of the biggest gay cities in the world but that in a way is worse as all my experiences of the gay world are negative, i basically have no social life at all, i have no job either i am in the house all day everyday. I have tried many of the apps out there but i either get blocked or ignored and dating sites i just dont trust either, yeah i have the fact that i am out going for me but all the stories you hear of people match making never happen to me, i do have acquaintances and they know and accept me being gay but we never socialise at all yet they say i have such a great personality, im funny and i know im not ugly either. I admit i am very behind time sexually having not done much with people so yeah there is a lack of confidence there which stops you from making a move on people if you are ever out and you feel well i aint a clue what i am doing sexually so i will look a fool when i have only ever kissed about 5 times, people say grow a backbone but that is really hard to do when you keep falling and you are on your own all the time. I admit i have been in love once yet they do not know and i wont ever tell them as i will lose them totally and at the moment that bit of a friendship is rocky and i fear no matter what i am losing him, Meeting people is a very hard thing especially the way most of the gay world is as people tend to be shallow and piss takers and i admit not all are like that but its hard to find them lads, life is so boring and pointless, all i want is a few friends who are active in making contact with me and want to be my friend and also i would just love a relationship as from my experience of being with the one lad i love when we did have some fun it was so fantastic just holding and being held by him, the sex was fantastic but that intimacy was even more fantastic, holding hands in bed, actually sharing a bed with him i will remember that for my life.

[WolfEyes300]

Ok hi, I know im only young but ill try my best to help as much as I can.
Please don't give up on life, life holds to many secrets and hidden treasures, never give up on that. And I do understand about the " loving a friend who doesn't know and if you told em your scared it would wreck your friendship which is already rocky" well I know you could make the argument saying that I'm too young to know what love is but blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh anyway I have a friend, the only guy I could actually call a friend but yeah I think I'm falling for him but if I told him it would ruin our friendship which I hold so dearly to me but there's other factors involved which are equally complicated but invalid here, I'm gonna say that you gotta risk it... yes it may ruin the friendship you both have but you'll never find out if anything could ever happen if you don't try, risks. .. do you stay safe or do you take a risk and see what could happe, thats all up to you. Have you tried activities or clubs, things that interest you to help find new friends. ha ha its funny, im giving you that last advive which someone recently gave me he he so yeah anyway even if I don't end up helping you, I would love to hear back from yeself. Good luck and have fun!!!!

[Virge]

I'm going to stop responding to any threads started by self deleted accounts so they'll disappear from the forum faster.

Others ought to consider do that too,

[WolfEyes300]

Oh does that mean their not a real person?
And I fear your stalking me memechose... he he should I start running?

[Cuddly]

Oh does that mean their not a real person?
And I fear your stalking me memechose... he he should I start running?

No, but it means they got what they came for and left. Seemingly this guy just needed to vent. He probably won't read our replies, so we shouldn't spend time making them - as Meme pointed out.
Please don't reply - bury this.

[MikeW]

Well, in this instance, he got tired of waiting for his post to be moderated and self deleted and THEN found out it was posted. I actually have a lot to say about this and know for a fact this poster hasn't "gotten what he came for". I suggest if anyone has anything to say to the OP, they do so despite his self deletion. He will read it. I'm going to share my input with him privately.

[Steve]

I really hope this is good advice for you, because I want you to feel good about yourself. I believe in you, otherwise I wouldn't have gone to the extent I have here to offer as much help as I can. Do me a favor: Believe in yourself.

[quote=breakfree]This has been wrote many times but i want to write a thread in my way, {/QUOTE}

As many times as this question may be asked here, each person is unique, and the answers to each may be different. Don't be afraid to ask a question here.

[QUOTE]i am desperately struggling to meet new friends and people, yeah i may live near one of the biggest gay cities in the world but that in a way is worse as all my experiences of the gay world are negative, i basically have no social life at all, i have no job either i am in the house all day everyday.[/QUOTE]

Not to judge you, but you aren't trying desperately enough if you live near a large gay center and can't meet people sweetpea. Google social groups for the area you're next to and I can pretty much guarantee that something will catch your attention. You've obviously had terrible experiences with gay related people and/or situations. The thing you must remember is that you must learn from these experiences. No one succeeds in this life without failing, often several times before they find what they are looking for. Through failure you learn to win. It is a painful process, but don't let failure break you.

While having no social life is unhealthy in the long run, in the short term learning to live on your own and learning to be self reliant are really major steps to living a fulfilling and productive life. The ability to live alone provides a strong basis when you do finally meet a significant other. In this way when you do fall in love with someone, it won't necessarily be a codependent relationship to the point where you can't function without them in your life. You really need to have a strong sense of who you are before you allow someone else into your life.

[QUOTE][COLOR="Navy"]There's one more thing you better understand. I have taught myself to sew, cook, fix plumbing, build furniture - I can even pat myself on the back when necessary - all so I don't have to ask anyone for anything. There's nothing I need from anyone except for love and respect and anyone who can't give me those two things has no place in my life.
-from the movie, Torch Song Trilogy[/COLOR]
[/QUOTE]

Get a job. Even if it is only something you're mildly interested in. This action alone will help you meet people. Also it will provide socialization skills necessary to become a part of a larger group of people. Most importantly, it will get you out of the house. Not to be flippant, but watch this video and really learn from the moral: it contains truth (and humor). I'm serious here, there is a point to this video and it is a good one.

[QUOTE]I have tried many of the apps out there but i either get blocked or ignored and dating sites i just dont trust either, yeah i have the fact that i am out going for me but all the stories you hear of people match making never happen to me,[/QUOTE]

Good. Stop using the internet to meet people. It is a bad idea, in my opinion, especially for someone inexperienced. The incidence of people meeting, falling in love, and living happily ever after, using internet sites is greatly exaggerated. I'm sure it has happened, but the relationships are the exceptions and not the rule. You'll learn in five minutes of talking to someone face to face what you'll only be guessing at when you meet them on the net. The internet provides people the opportunity to show only their best attributes, which are often exaggerated. Looking at profiles amounts to seeing the facades people want you to see, not what they really are underneath. Have you ever seen a Hollywood set in which only the front of a building is constructed, looking real from the front? When you open the door to those fronts (and often those doors are nailed shut because they're props), there's nothing behind them. Or worse, what is behind them is not what the outside represented itself to be. Don't be fooled by looking only at the outside of a person. The inside is more important.

[QUOTE] i do have acquaintances and they know and accept me being gay but we never socialise at all yet they say i have such a great personality, im funny and i know im not ugly either. [/QUOTE]

So ask to socialize with them. All they can do is say no. Well, true, they could be mean and say no, but then, would you really want to hang around with people like that anyway? Especially if they've told you you have a great personality? Either they're not being honest with you, or they don't want to be bothered helping a potential new friend out. They may be nice people to you, but it seems to me if they won't spend time with you, they probably aren't worth the trouble to become acquainted with.

Like I said: Ask if you can hang out with them. All they can do is say no. And don't let that "no" crush you. Remember to learn from the situation baby doll (And it goes without saying here, that I mean you ask good people to socialize with. If you're asking to be a part of some street thug gang, then I'm wasting my time giving you any help).

[QUOTE]I admit i am very behind time sexually having not done much with people so yeah there is a lack of confidence there which stops you from making a move on people. if you are ever out and you feel well i aint a clue what i am doing sexually so i will look a fool when i have only ever kissed about 5 times, people say grow a backbone but that is really hard to do when you keep falling and you are on your own all the time. [/QUOTE]

Find a support system before you go looking to jump into an unknown like a relationship with another person. You need good, honest friends who you can ask (and trust) their opinions about the men you consider dating. They'll have feedback for you upon which to base a decision. You don't necessarily have to take advice as the gospel, but it will help guide you to make a good decision. A good support system, meaning friends first and not random guys interested in one night lays, will help give you the confidence you need to step forward into dating, and sex. Don't be intimidated that you've only ever been kissed. Almost everyone with a healthy perspective on life you'll ever meet had to start somewhere sexually. Usually that start was a kiss. That's a great starting point. You're normal, and just fine in terms of the progress you are making toward a meaningful relationship with someone else.

[QUOTE]I admit i have been in love once yet they do not know and i wont ever tell them as i will lose them totally and at the moment that bit of a friendship is rocky and i fear no matter what i am losing him, [QUOTE]

Not to talk down to you sweet one, but what you describe is a crush. Especially if it's the first guy you've ever loved, it is called a crush. More often than not, crushes are one sided - you love him, he considers you a friend, or acquaintance. This is called unrequited love and is the basis for more broken heart songs than is possible to quantify. He's probably pulling away from you because he realizes how strongly you feel about him and doesn't want to hurt you, or just plain doesn't want to be a part of your life. Crushes are intense, and the guy you may have a crush on may not want the drama inherent in breaking off that one way relationship. Losing that kind of intense love is very painful. It teaches you that when you put your heart on the line for any guy that you have to be careful, because the other guy could hurt you if he doesn't feel the same way. Plus some guys are simply evil and will exploit a crush on themselves to have a willing groupie, a slave, so they can feel superior, worshiped, and adored. It is a power trip for that kind of man. Crushes are painful when you finally face their end. If they were easy, they would be called something else.

[QUOTE]Meeting people is a very hard thing especially the way most of the gay world is as people tend to be shallow and piss takers and i admit not all are like that but its hard to find them lads, life is so boring and pointless, all i want is a few friends who are active in making contact with me and want to be my friend and also i would just love a relationship as from my experience of being with the one lad i love when we did have some fun it was so fantastic just holding and being held by him, the sex was fantastic but that intimacy was even more fantastic, holding hands in bed, actually sharing a bed with him i will remember that for my life.[/QUOTE]

Meeting people you can trust to let into your life as friends or a deeper feeling than friendship, is difficult for most people on the planet lovey. Not many people get a free pass to happiness without all the steps you have to take to get it. Don't stop trying.

Eventually you will succeed. None of us get it right all the time.
And by all means, don't forget that one lad you loved and the feelings that went with it. Those are the things you must strive for to find the next friend, or the next love you meet. If you didn't know how fabulous love could be, why would you ever want to jump through all the hoops, risk all the hurt, to get it again?

[QUOTE][COLOR="Navy"]Give yourself time, Arnold. It gets better... But, Arnold, it never goes away. You can work longer hours, adopt a son, fight with me, whatever... it'll still be there. But that's all right, it becomes a part of you, like learning to wear a ring or a pair of eyeglasses. You get used to it. And that's good. It's good, because it makes sure you don't forget. You don't want to forget him, do you?
--from the movie, Torch Song Trilogy[/COLOR]
[/QUOTE]

I quoted your message so I could refer to it (because I have a terrible memory). I tried to be as benevolent as possible toward your plight. I've been in your place. I think most people here at the forum have been in your place. Life isn't easy. But its worth it.