advise required, is it wrong my boyfriend watches porn? And I kick off at him

[Flustrated]

Hi guys,
New to this but would like some advise to my current situation!

Ok so been with my boyfriend for 6 months now, I've moved to a new city to be with him and we live together! (Maybe to soon for some but I feel like he is the one)
Anyway.. My BF is a great guy, and I'm very much in love with him, and him me I hope!

The thing is.. Since being together several issues have occurred, maybe due to my own insecurities but all the same still matter to me!

So...
He has had several profiles on Grindr, etc which is the past however the apps have reappeard on his phone twice, he's denied downloading them and given me excuses each time, he also has a lot of past, which I expect.
He's previously posted on website to meet guys or hook up, he's advised that he hasn't though, but posted 3 comments over 3 days,
Still has accounts on sites, and opens new ones!
Has many different email accounts, and doesn't see what the problem is that I get annoyed and upset that he has them. Also hasn't deleted any accounts no matter how many times I've asked.
Still has several hook ups stored in his phone and hasn't deleted them!
Has changed settings on apps so I'm unable to see if he is online!
Constantly and I mean constantly looks at guys walking past, starting with their waste and working upto their face, when questions Denys doing it!

Another issue of mine is that all of his friend he has now he's slept with, and it makes me feel uncomfortable that each one has seen him naked and slept with him.

He's told me he watches porn, which I don't agree with, as our sex isn't that often and to me it seem like he would prefer to watch porn than sleep with me.
I've spoken to it about him and we have blazing arguments due to my own insecurities.

I'm not getting everything out on here, although I'm trying to i can't seem to put everything into words, as I'm Flustrated and upset that we keep arguing about this.
My questions to the forum and the people that which to answer are;

Do you think it's an issue that he constantly watches porn and we don't have sex that much?
Or when we do, he's not satisfied or doesn't cum.
Does anyone have any advise on insecurities, and how to over come them?
He has suggested I go to counsiling as in my past relationships I've been cheated on so I find it difficult to trust!
Am I over reacting about everything?
There's many other things I could type on here, and will explain more should I received responses.

I know this probably seem like I'm a controlling, obsessive etc etc.. I'm just after advise and to see if anyone has experienced this themselves and what they did to over come the issues, did the break up etc...!

Many thanks to those who do response much appreciated.

[BlueStar]

Depends on the relationship... Is it really monogamous, or open?

From my experience, I stopped watching porn and surfing on gay dating sites from the moment I got in a relationship. I don't know why but I like to be controlled, I find it cute when my boyfriend is more than just jealous on me.

As for yours, I don't get that you're obsessive nor controlling at all. For him to seek porn more than having sex with you is a serious problem if your relationship is monogamous like you stated. I suggest that you seek professional help, like a counselor for the both of you. If you feel like he's the love of your life, you can't take a gamble on it.

[TwisttheLeaf]

To be honest? I think porn is the -least- of your problems here.

Grindr, hookups, visually "shopping" for partners (why else would you start at the crotch and move up from there?), etc?

Living together or not, he definitely doesn't sound as if he's settled down with you. At all.

And whether you want him to or not? You won't be able to force him to do so. He's either ready or he's not... and he definitely doesn't sound ready in my opinion.

[Iceblink]

Since you're supposedly in a monogamous relationship, you have some serious issues you need to discuss with him and if I were you, his watching porn would not the issue I'd be most concerned with. (Edit- I was typing this as Twist posted something very similar.)

I do have a question. I know what grindr is, but I've never had a reason to use it and for that matter not dating sites either, so I have to ask without an account are you able to see if a person is online or not without having an account yourself? I know on some social media sites and some forum sites you cannot.

[Cuddly]

To be honest? I think porn is the -least- of your problems here.

Grindr, hookups, visually "shopping" for partners (why else would you start at the crotch and move up from there?), etc?

Living together or not, he definitely doesn't sound as if he's settled down with you. At all.

And whether you want him to or not? You won't be able to force him to do so. He's either ready or he's not... and he definitely doesn't sound ready in my opinion.

Basically what I was going to write.

In my opinion, it's fine to look! Be it on the street or on porn, as long as it isn't overdone. But having profiles online means that he's actively searching hook-ups or atleast intends to keep that option open. In my opinion, you are entitled to demand that he deletes these. They're not social media. They aren't for sharing pictures of your dinner with your friends. They're for finding fucks.

Ofcourse, it's not right to change someone, but if he's not willing to agree to such a fair compromise, then he's just not boyfriend material in my opinion. Sorry

[Buzzer]

Grindr has absolutely no defensible place in the life of anyone who isn't single/uncommitted.

[Gideon]

My opinion? The main issue here is that he's not respecting you as his partner. There is nothing wrong with porn or having his own friends, etc, but he is going to extremes here and it almost seems like it's being done to -push- you, to make you react.

He's making you insecure and "overreaction" or not, that insecurity is not okay. Not if he's allowing it to happen and not even trying to help you get past it, but instead seems to be rubbing it in your face, so to speak.

I would have a real conversation about this, not a pissed off/angry conversation but one where you can sit him down and speak to him calmly about how all this is making you feel. If he is still defensive about it or blows you off? Then that's probably a red flag that there are some real issues here...and not just yours and your insecurities.

Good luck, man.

[CellarDweller]

My opinion? The main issue here is that he's not respecting you as his partner. There is nothing wrong with porn or having his own friends, etc, but he is going to extremes here and it almost seems like it's being done to -push- you, to make you react.

I agree totally. You say you're monogamous, but he doesn't seem as committed as you.

[jimcrackcorn]

Man-O-Man,,,, you two are going to have a hard time making your relationship work.

You are snooping around on his personal media devices trying to see if he is cheating on you,,, and he is not letting go of his porn sites or grindr apps.

You two need to work out an amicable solution to your problems,,, or seek out a good relationship therapist before you both drive each other crazy!!!

You have trust issues,,, and he may have a porn addiction (which may be why he doesn't have sex with you as frequently as you'd like). Plus your boyfriend doesn't seem to want to give up his grindr app which isn't a good thing to keep when your in a committed relationship.

I wish both of you the best of luck, and hope you can work thru these problems before the relationship is destroyed.

Jim

[wayward]

This is painful to relate, but I don't think your relationship is workable. You've admitted insecurity and suspicion, and I would suggest your "partner's" behaviors are similarly motivated, even if he seems at peace with them. What I hear is that you should both consider therapy, both personal and partner therapy. I don't see a way to avoid animosity in the relationship. If he refuses to consider discussion over the issues, you should get away from the situation. Even so, I think it is very important to talk with a professional. It can be debilitating to go through this without help.