Does open relationship really work?

[Bhp91126]

95% of open relationships fail..

And you probably only forgot to post the link to scientific studies on this subject by the American Family Association and the National Organization for Marriage, so other readers can verify that statement?

[Anocxu]

And you probably only forgot to post the link to scientific studies on this subject by the American Family Association and the National Organization for Marriage, so other readers can verify that statement?

Or you coukd consider yourself in the lucky 5...

[Bhp91126]

Or you coukd consider yourself in the lucky 5...

ALL relationships fail until one doesn't

[GBMD9x]

Love or Sex? I think every couples need both of them!

[Steve]

My parents have been in an open straight relationship for about 3 years now, nothing wrong nor anyone has a problem with it. Issues? All relationships have, even if lately my parents are being too lazy to get stressed on theirs, or get jealous on each other. But as to why they started it after 20 years of marriage (monogamy), well this was something I couldn't understand, didn't want to discuss nor cared about. Every couple has reasons...

As for now I'm satisfied with my fresh monogamous relationship, me and my partner heavily depend emotionally on each other.

BlueStar honey, I don't think very many of us want to consider our parents sex life, so don't feel alone. You're right, every couple does have its reasons for choosing the type of relationship that works for them.

I still happy for you about your new relationship. You deserve it because I think you're a sweet man. You seemed at a point were you needed someone to hold you and make you feel loved and special, The closet is a lonely place to be forced to live. I'm glad you're not alone in your pain anymore.

95% of open relationships fail..

I have read multiple statistics quotes from every source from CNN to the Family Research Council (which made me throw up in my c*nt a little bit). For the record, I will not use Web M.D. or Wikipedia as sources. Each may contribute a POV, but I don't trust either websites fact, even when they are attributed to a source.

Anocxu, I want to know where these statistic were published? I have spent the last 4 (even a trip to an out dated place called a library where they have those old fashioned things known as books - a neighbor happens to work at one nearby) hours and what I have learned is that there has never been a definitive study on the viability of open relationship vs. strict monogamy. There is even less written about polyamourous relationships that isn't colored by bias.

Much of my reading involved references to the early 70's and thd practice of swingers, which is the exchange of spouses between married couples. A common statistic I noted was that nearly 1 of 2 marriages end in divorce. There is probably a closer to accurate statistic in a quote below from marriage.answers.com .

Lets get some terminology defined so that we're all on the same page:

First, an "open relationship" is usually defined as one which allows a couple to have sexual relationships outside a monogamous relationship. Various ground rules are established, honesty, communication, etc. are needed to make this a working union.

Second, a polygamous relationship, often associated with multiple Mormon marriage, is an entirely different beast altogether. The Mormons have successfully given polygamy a bad name, through inbreeding, the arranged marriages by elders to underage girls, a strictly paternal hierarchy, a horrible mistake that proclaims women bring love to a marriage - not men, and forced marriages. I won't say that all of these relationship don't work, but the vast majority are unhealthy unions. Polygamy among humans is largely associated with marriage. The norm is that one person, usually a man, has multiple wives, although there are cases where the reverse is true.

Third, polyamory, is a relatively new concept compared to other terms meaning the inclusion of one or more persons in a permanent single relationship. It is not necessarily related to marriage and is not legally recognized in any state in the US ( I have not done research in other countries, but have read nothing to the contrary).

I'm not rehashing my post. Find it here: http://http://gayspeak.com/showpost.php?...ostcount=9.

Mark and I do not consider ourselves polygamous, nor polyamourous. This is not to say we have not had strong feelings with one or two of the men we have had sex with, but rather we consider each other as the single most important person in each others lives. The instances in which we had strong feelings toward a partner outside our relationship were difficult situations, but we resolved them and carried on, just the ttwo of us. We work at our relationship.

I will say I think polyamourous relationships must be difficult to maintain. Mark and I have found it difficult to keep our two person relationship on track; I can't imagine the logistics of three or more in a relationship. I think that its probably possible, but it would take a steel level of trust and love to keep alive.

Keith, in answer to your original question, open, polygamous, and polyamourous, relationships (there are most likely other types of couplings such as symbiosis, and swinging -- the exchange of married couples spouses), but those are uncommon and muddy the waters of your question) are not the answer for everyone. I heartily concur with many previous posts on the subject. Usually open relationships statistically favor gay men. Usually an open relationship doesn't occur to new relationships, but are negotiated only after the issues of time, trust, compromise, and jealousy are addressed. Nothing works for everyone. Nothing is ideal. Absolute terms are usually only useful when qualifying the opposite absolute terms.

I will reiterate my final words in my past:

For us it works. For some people it doesn't. Personally I think it isn't the amount of people in a relationship that make it a success or failure. It's honesty, trust, communication, compromise and mutual concession, not quitting when the hard stuff makes you cry, the amount of time and effort you put in to make it work, and the willingness to evolve over time. A good, healthy relationship doesn't just happen; people have to make them happen.

[COLOR="Red"]In their controversial book Sex at Breaking Dawn: the Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality, researchers Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha explain that the reason humans are not good at monogamy is because we were never monogamous creatures to begin with.
[/COLOR]

-- ellecanada, (from the book listed in quote)

The divorce rate in America is currently at its highest, with 41% of first-time marriages and 60% of second-time marriages ending in divorce. One of the leading causes of divorce is infidelity, where either one or both partners are not loyal during their marriage. In an effort to avoid this issue, many couples have turned to "open relationships," where partners are free to date or involve themselves with others. In Hollywood, this practice has become quite popular. The following article will explore the open marriage of famous couple Will Smith and Jada Pinkett.[/quote

-- Dr. Susan Heitler, Denver clinical psychologist

[COLOR="Red"]
"Homosexual marriage degrades a time-honored institution. Homosexual marriage is an empty pretense that lacks the fundamental sexual complementariness of male and female. And like all counterfeits, it cheapens and degrades the real thing...."

[/COLOR] --Family Research Council, Timothy J. Dailey, Ph. D. (They'll give anyone a Ph.D these days)

-www.polyamory.org
-www.psychologytoday.com -- Stephen J. Betchen, D.S.W.
-dictionary.com
-salon.com -- Sierra Black
-cnn.com (under duress with a large grain of salt. This article was derived from Oprah.com, thus written to appease a politically correct mass audience) -- Karen Salmansohn, via Oprah.com
-cnn.com --Emanuella Grinberg (much better article)
-ellecanada.com -- Simone Paget
-ellecanada.com -- Briony Smith
-nytimes.com -- Scott James
-frc.org -- Timothy J. Dailey, Ph. D (Family Research Council -- complete propaganda, see quote above)
-bbc.com -- Daniel Nasaw
-married.answers.com -- Dr. Susan Heitler

There are more, but y'all must get the point that I did my homework here.

[Pix]

95% of open relationships fail..

I never trust a statistic that I didn't invent myself.

[Anocxu]

I stopped posting here when Bhp got very defensive about my post.

To me it was odd considering he described his relationship as successful.

Did the exact thing to our relationship councelor...

"Where did you get that data?"

Response... "30 years of practice and truly boring expensive seminars".."Not the internet"...

Here I am three weeks later in the same pen.

Been on 2 forums for over 9 years.. not in the habit of messing with folks or disrespecting what they have....
That to bhp.

My posts are simple...
Either clowning around
..because so many of us squeeze the joy out of these forums.. or me being serious. .

[Bhp91126]

I stopped posting here when Bhp got very defensive about my post.
To me it was odd considering he described his relationship as successful.
Did the exact thing to our relationship councelor...
"Where did you get that data?"
Response... "30 years of practice and truly boring expensive seminars".."Not the internet"...
Here I am three weeks later in the same pen.
Been on 2 forums for over 9 years.. not in the habit of messing with folks or disrespecting what they have....
That to bhp.
My posts are simple...
Either clowning around
..because so many of us squeeze the joy out of these forums.. or me being serious. .

Sorry, if you took my sarcasm as being defensive, however your original post felt so out of character, that I wondered whether your account had been hacked. And still, presenting one mans very negative opinion without explanations and qualifiers to this rather contentious topic is like an invitation for abuse. It demonstrates the integrity of other posters and of GS in general that there was no name-calling or worse after your post.

[Anocxu]

Do not want to step on toes...
I clown around ...
I will push folks who deceive or try to take advantage of other caring posters..

Generally I am uber respectful. . Once in a while I get misread as a pompous ass..,
Overall I'm happy with my internet reputation and I truly make an effort to keep it civil and fun.

Ps. Its September. . I have 4 months left to get all of you pregnant.

[discreetserpent]

Hi Keith,

In my opinion, open relationships are more prevalent in the gay community because guys prefer to be straight up and less dramatic. To a certain extent, this is actually admirable in the sense that "cheating" is taken out of the equation. Both of them know that the other person could potentially be sleeping around with others. If both parties in a relationship are adventurous enough to want to sleep with other people then it's their decision. If they can live with the consequences of their action then good for them.

Having said that, I can imagine how complicated an open relationship can be. At some point, jealousy will take place and muddle up an otherwise "perfect" setup. If one party starts to get too possessive it could mean the beginning of the end for the relationship. It could result to secrets and lies, to avoid confrontation and hurt feelings. It boils down to trust. If one person stops admitting that he is sleeping around, then that would be tantamount to cheating.

It is a complicated world and it will make anyone crazy just trying to figure everything out. Just stick to what makes you happy and leave everybody else to enjoy their lives the way they want to.

Hope this helps.

Discreet Serpent