Does open relationship really work?

[Keith]

I always doubted whether open relationship could bring happiness for couples.
In my opinion, Gay relationship is not that different from straight relationship. It`s all about two people falling in love. So since i never heard about open relationship in straight couples, why does it exist in some gay relationship? Is it because that they do not have exciting sex anymore or they just wanna fu*k? I really do not get it.
Like Varyn posted in bf trust issue, they tried an open relationship and it began to stress both of them so they ended that.But why they started it? Once people have FWB or open relationship, how to deal with the relationship with lover? If both guys agree to have sex with others, won`t they be jealous? How can they handle the situation that lover is hugging someone else?
I believe in monogamous gay relationship. Affairs may happen in relationship,but open relationship is too weird. So what do you guys think of this?

[Iceblink]

If it doesn't work for you, then do not do it, but stop using the same kind of judgment on other people's relationships that other people use on you for being in a gay relationship. It really only concerns you and is your business if you are in that kind of relationship, so why spend time worrying about what other people do?

[Bhp91126]

It's been working for us. 21 years at the end of September. Neither of us is interested in or needs monogamy. We both know that we're the others #1 most important person and sex is such a small part of the life that we share together, so a couple of minutes spent having sex with a stranger once in a while don't matter. We never flirt (or more) with someone else while the other one is around and always go home together, but we also give each other room when we are on vacation together.

[Keith]

I am sorry if i said something rude, i did not mean to belittle open relationship. Just i am curious and I do not understand how it works.

[Iceblink]

I do want to point out something about the Varyn thread and their open relationship. That wasn't a relationship of two people who both wanted to be in an open relationship, that was two people trying to use an open relationship as a solution to the problems in their relationship instead of dealing with the actual issues. I know, because I was once in a relationship where we did exactly the same thing.

[Iceblink]

I am sorry if i said something rude, i did not mean to belittle open relationship. Just i am curious and I do not understand how it works.

I think Bhp gave you a good idea about why it works for some people.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Open Straight Relationships.

So yes those exist.

As to why... that varies depending on the couple.

Does it work? That varies depending on the couple.

Its one or both jealous? That varies depending on the couple...

Well basically each of your questions is answered with 'That varies depending on the couple.'

To be fair we can question monogamy in similar fashion. Does it work? Not really, most people end up having more than one monogamous relationships, or even more than one marriage. even in mongamy there is jealousy and mistrust and all sorts of issues.

[East]

A good rule of thumb I use...when the condition of two (or more) consenting adults is met I think anything is fine....

There are ALOT of reasons people get married. Religion tries to define marriage for everyone...and too many people let them. All relationships evolve along the way and if you consider the amount of people who break their vows and lie about it...***cough**straight people***cough***...having affairs for years while preaching morality and family values to the rest of us.....you will realize that open relationships when mutually agreed upon are far better unions that any relationship where one or both people are lying to each other.

[Steve]

Look just because I've been in a monogamous relationship for thirty years doesn't mean we're blind to our desires. Both Mark and I have had guys on the side. We've had guys in our bed together too. Sometimes more than one. Sometimes more than two (although four guys can ruin a good bed in a heartbeat).

We don't make more of a side relationship than it is. Mark is, was, and always will be my first priority. We don't use other people as an excuse to hurt each other, i.e. dragging people into our drama as it were. If we're together and one of us says no, the answer is no. If we're apart, its safe sex or nothing. And we're both deadly honest to each other, even when it is bound to cause grief. Neither of us suffer dishonesty well, and game play is out of the question. It's a non issue to us.

I know that gay people have fought for equal rights and marriage, and believe me, I'm all for it. Mark and I would marry if it were legally possible. Just because we would marry doesn't mean we would follow the stereotypical marriage paradigm. We've let our relationship be malleable.

For us it works. For some people it doesn't. Personally I think it isn't the amount of people in a relationship that make it a success or failure. It's honesty, trust, communication, compromise and mutual concession, not quitting when the hard stuff makes you cry, the amount of time and effort you put in to make it work, and the willingness to evolve over time. A good, healthy relationship doesn't just happen; people have to make them happen.

[matty7]

for me personally I don't think I would like that kind of relationship but who is to say my way of thinking is the norm and the only acceptable way.....that would be ridiculous and narrow minded of me. If it works for 21 years for Bhp91126 then that totally validates your argument on does an open relationship work as it obviously does