hey

[Camfer]

Welcome Triangle72! Glad you found us and please stick around.

Normalcy is overrated.

Grand Rapids was selected as one of the gayest cities in America!

When you're ready, you might check out this group:

http://www.grlgbt.org/network-groups/arcus-youth-group/

It's only for people up to age 20.

College is NOTHING like high school.

[Beaux]

Hi and Welcome Tri,
I hope you stick around and become a regular participant in conversations here on GaySpeak! I think you will find that there are quite a few people here who have gone through some of the same struggles and feelings that your experiencing.
Referencing BowenArrow's comment that you were born gay, I believe that what he was referring to is the fact that a persons sexuality is actually set in the womb. As a biologist, I can assure you that all the pertinent studies done regarding sexuality seem to point to this, but of course most persons don't become aware of their attractions until they begin puberty.
Though I self-identify as homosexual, I would more properly be labeled as bisexual. When I was a young man I resisted my inclinations due to my own upbringing in a very religious and conservative home. It wasn't until, in my mid-twenties, my wife began cheating on me and we divorced, that I began to really explore that other side of my sexual preferences. Ultimately, I fell in love with the man I am now married to, and since I believe in monogamy, I find self-identifying as "Gay" to be more appropriate at this time in my life.
A mission of self discovery is a noble goal for anyone's life. I will not try and argue with you about wether or not you should remain in the closet; the decision to "come out" is very personal one that no one can make for you. I will say however, that the persons I personally know who have tried the hardest to resist/ignore their innate sexual orientation, often find themselves later in life regretting their decision. So, I would suggest you remain open minded during this quest of self-discovery. If you do, I think you will find that things are no where as bleak as they may seem now.
If you would like to discuss any of these issues further, please feel free to PM me. Otherwise, I wish you the best of luck and genuinely hope you find here what it is you are seeking.
~Beaux

[Iceblink]

Hello Alex! Welcome to GS.

I always encourage everyone to someday find the courage to start living as the person he is, which doesn't necessarily mean coming out by making an announcement, but it also means not consciously altering your behavior and words to not be found out. As you get a little older, you are going to find that the among gay men it is quite difficult to find a successful relationship. Hiding who you are makes that even more difficult. It means you have to find someone else willing to live in the closet and then to keep it up means they also have to agree to do this for a lifetime. I think as you get a little older, you will probably find yourself reconsidering never telling anyone. Now that I have said all this about why people should come out, I am advise you not do it at this time. At your age, I suspect you are still dependent on your parents for shelter and support and you do not want to be put out on this street. I live part of the year in Royal Oak, so I know Grand Rapids over there on the holy roller and evangelical side of the state and have spent quite of bit time in GR. There are certainly many, many people like you parents on that side of the state.

[Iceblink]

I really do not know why people expect us to be out and proud, straight people don't announce their sex life to the world. I don't understand guys who's homosexuality becomes their only defining feature. My sexual orientation is my business and it is not an argument of being ashamed of it, it is more of a fact that I am currently happy with people not knowing.

and my father is just as right wing, he is not somebody that I would ever want to come out too, so am definitely not planning to

You're wrong on this. Straight people do announce their orientation and do it often. When they walk in the mall, down the street, or on the beach, hand in hand, they are telling us something about their orientation. When they put they that picture on their desk or in their locker at work of their significant other, they are saying something about their orientation. When they celebrate an anniversary at a restaurant, they are telling us their orientation. When the local paper prints engagement and wedding announcements, that is definitely an announcement about their orientation. When they talk in the break room at work or among friends about a date they have, that is saying something about their orientation. It is everyone's right to come out or not to come out, to live openly or not to live openly, but when those in the closet say "straight people don't announce their sex life to the world," and try to pass it off like they are living their life just like straight people, it is wrong, because those in the closet are not living their lives anything like straight people.

Now let me tell how your post is offensive. Next month I will celebrate my 12th anniversary with my partner and when you say "announce their sex lives," you are portraying that relationship as being just about sex. How dare you. Furthermore, I do not like the criticism of those who live their lives out. It is not about shouting from the rooftops "I'm gay," or walking into work on your first day and in your introductions to coworkers telling them all that you're gay, because straight people do not do that, but what else they do not do is take precautions to hide it. It will not be that long from the day-to-day conversations that occur on that job before you know of every straight person that works within close proximity to you everyday whether or not they are single, seeing someone, or married. It is about not hiding who you are, because could you ever imagine a straight man walking into a store needing assistance in finding a gift for his wife and lying and telling sales clerk it is his "friend" in order to not have his orientation revealed? It just would not happen.

And about this "out and proud" thing, it is not about being proud of who you have sex with, it is about being proud and having the courage to live your life openly in a world that is constantly telling you that you are horrible person, a sinner, and immoral by people that would rather have you hide and deny who you are and either settle down with a person of the opposite sex or to just spend your life single. It is about being proud to not let the haters in this world dictate how you should live your life.

[matty7]

welcome to GS, hope you feel better getting that load of your chest in the first post...sounds like you have been holding that in for a long time - take care and hope you enjoy meeting people here

[East]

You want tips on how to fight being gay? Seriously?

[meridannight]

My family doesn't need to know that I'm gay. It's a private thing only I need to know.

you are 100% right about that. in fact, nobody really needs to know about your sexuality other than you and your sexual partners. in some cases being out simplifies some things, but it is certainly no-one's business any more than the specifics of what you do in your bedroom with your partners are.

Straight people do announce their orientation and do it often. When they walk in the mall, down the street, or on the beach, hand in hand, they are telling us something about their orientation. When they put they that picture on their desk or in their locker at work of their significant other, they are saying something about their orientation. When they celebrate an anniversary at a restaurant, they are telling us their orientation. When the local paper prints engagement and wedding announcements, that is definitely an announcement about their orientation. When they talk in the break room at work or among friends about a date they have, that is saying something about their orientation. It is everyone's right to come out or not to come out, to live openly or not to live openly, but when those in the closet say "straight people don't announce their sex life to the world," and try to pass it off like they are living their life just like straight people, it is wrong, because those in the closet are not living their lives anything like straight people.

but this is correct as well. in fact, this is how some people have found out about me. i don't so much tell people i'm homosexual (apart from my closest friends), but it's when i'm with a guy i like and when i want to express a little physical affection with him in public, i will do that.

i guess the way i see it is that gay guys should be able to do all of those things Iceblink mentions with their partner in public as well, without having to step up to their friends first and inform them of their sexuality. because there's nothing wrong about two guys holding hands or having sex with each other. why in the 21st century in the developed world we are still in a place where two guys holding hands in public get surprised looks from half the people around them is something i will never get. don't you watch TV or read news, people?

[meridannight]

But I don't want to meet other gay people(in real life). It will just be too weird for me. I would like to talk to other gay people on here though. Maybe get some advice over coming my homosexuality. I know what being in the closet means. I plan on staying that way to my friends and family. They don't need to know I'm gay. It'll add unnecessary stress onto them. I love the fact that you think I'm normal. :p It's not surprising you do though because you are gay. And I don't hate you. I like that you took time out of your day to talk to me.

you sound like having the ''i'm the better/more normal homosexual'' complex. you have this attitude where you admit you like guys, but at the same time you come off having a superior air about it. 'don't'-come-near-me-with-gay-guys,-i-have-no-intention-of-meeting-one!' and this thing of yours to dismiss someone's opinion with ''of course, you're gay, you'd say that'' – you are aware there are heterosexual people who also think homosexuality is normal? and you were the one who came on a gay forum. what did you expect? a bunch of self-repressed dudes who will agree with your self-loathing?

most guys here are a lot more experienced than you are, they've been through their own struggles and issues with this thing. thus they know what they're talking about and they are far more competent and superior on this subject than you are. we think homosexuality is normal not because it's some learned coping mechanism of ours to get through the day, but because we've had sex with other guys, we've fell in love with guys, dated them, had relationships and explored our sexuality with them and doing all of that feels normal.

you are speaking through the projections of how the majority sees it. if you seek the approval of the 90% of the population on this planet then good luck with that. we can't help you. if you think that it isn't normal to be gay until that 90% says it's okay, then that is just sad.

i get it you're young and the experience hasn't made it all sink in yet, but i was never like this even when i was 18 and i will tell you that you're full of bullshit. you don't need advice on ''overcoming your homosexuality''. you need advice on overcoming your negative opinions and/or attitude about homosexuality.

[LJay]

Welcome, Alex. Glad you are beginning to get out and see the world a little.

Ask anything you feel like here. You will always get some feedback to make you think.

You must be a sturdy guy to deal with the Grand Rapids winters.

[Frente]

Really? I'm surprised. By the way you look like it looks like you get out much. :p Thanks for the warm welcome my friend. :p Why would I regret it? o-o

You never know People regret the silliest of things