hey

[princealbertofb]

Hey my name is Alex. I'm from Grand Rapids, MI. I decided to make an account on here because it's pretty late where I live and I can't sleep. My profile picture is me. I was a little scared to post a picture of me on here but I know no one I know will ever go on this site. I never went onto a gay forum or anything like that before. I've actually never really talked to a gay person 1 on 1 before. At my high school I didn't know anyone who was or is gay. I know one of my mom's friends is gay but I never seen him before. I've been gay since I was 14 years old. When I find out I wasn't normal and didn't like girls I got depressed and kind of became a loner. I've never been in a relationship before. I probably would have dated girls in high school but non really seemed into me and I don't know how to flirt like my friends do. I recently graduated high school just this year. I work at a part-time job at Wal-Mart. I don't plan on going to college anytime soon because of the expenses. Plus I wouldn't like it. I didn't like high school doubt I'd like college. I'm not a very social person. On my free time I'd normally just play video games all day and talk with friends through Skype. I guess the reason why I'm here is to talk to other gay people about battling being gay. I'm pretty good at keeping it a secret and will never tell anyone I know in real life. I don't think I'd want to look for a romantic relationship on here. I don't have the skills to talk and act all romantic. I'm mostly just here to talk with others about the struggles of being gay and maybe get some tips on how to fight it. Well that's it.. I guess. If you read all of that then I'm surprised. It feels kind of weird letting my feelings out like that.

Triangle, Alex, to GaySpeak. You have done the right thing by starting up this account. mile:
Of course, if you ever felt in danger of being outed, you could just change your picture and no one would ever know, unless they were detectives looking for a culprit. But, as it happens, you have done nothing wrong, you've killed no one (as far as we know) and you've got a job and everything and are allowed to drive, and vote etc. Time to take things into your own hands, as any good citizen would. Soon you'll even be paying taxes, so it would be good for your country and your state to hand you some of it back, as it does to the rest of the community.

Michigan is probably not the least gay-friendly place to be. It often comes up as being pretty gay-friendly but, again, I know this is probably in the big cities. Grand Rapid must be quite big and may have a gay community and maybe even some gay organisations for people like you, should you need to get in touch with some real people (ie not the virtual crowd that writes on forums like this). Mind you, we are probably real, some of us, (I'm damned sure I am) but we are also far away, living in different countries, under different laws, and with different cultural and generational experiences.

I hope you will find a way of making your life interesting, and maybe even get to appreciate being an emotional and sexual being some day. You haven't had a relationship at your age? Don't worry, many are the boys of your age who have had no experience of sex or relationships. I would suggest, though, that being a gamer tends to make you a bit of a loner too. Maybe you just retired into game playing because it made you happy, and probably "safe". I just hope that one day you'll find the right person or persons to encourage you to take a few risks... risks of a nature to change your life and your outlook on life.

It took me about 43 years before I found my current partner. I had had a brief gay love affair with an American boy back when I was 21 (had been a total virgin to anything like dating girls etc... although I got on famously with the gentler sex... haha) but this love affair didn't last and I got myself into a straight relationship, (I needed to know, I was curious as to whether I could wing it, it felt comfortable and safe, with an American girl/woman), and that felt ok too, but when we separated for reasons due more to life circumstances than us falling out of love, I swore to myself never to dupe another woman into thinking I was totally straight. My American girlfriend knew about my gay fling anyway. I was sure I wanted a gay relationship and I would wait for it. I waited 18 years of total celibacy, so I know it can happen, even at a later age. It all depends on how patient you are and how urgently you need to find companionship. After all, you could happily live with a life companion without it being a romantic or sexual attachment. Others have done so, but it can be lonely.
That companion could even be a female, or a cat or dog... who knows? But, honestly, I hope you find the joys of having a human relationship with someone who can understand you, protect you, nurture and love you. It's one of the greatest feelings and it does a load of good to your health and self esteem.
Take care, Alex, and keep coming back with your questions and your remarks, and maybe adventures...?
PA