Am I being Anti-Romantic???

[mackyboy]

Am I?

I hate watching chick flicks, as much as possible I try avoid watching those films.

I hate seeing photos or videos of happy couple, straight or gay.

I hate seeing gay couples in public, it makes me jealous.

Is this normal for a single gay guy like me or I'm just a freak?

[Bhp91126]

As long as you have this negative attitude borne from jealousy, envy and loneliness you will repell other men, instead of finding a bf. You have to be a happy single, before men will consider you date-able.
Once you find it in your heart to be generous, you will stop suffering from jealousy, envy and loneliness and become more romantic.

[AdamAndWill]

(Adam) I don't think this has anything to do with being romantic, but rather with having a negative outlook. What Bhp91126 said was absolutely correct. If you grudge others their happiness, you're less likely to find happiness of your own. When I was single, I loved seeing happy gay couples - it gave me hope of finding that kind of relationship for myself. I figured that if they could do it, why not me?

I know it isn't easy, but you need to try to develop a more positive and generous attitude.

[Borg69]

You're too young to be so bitter and jaded.

[mackyboy]

As long as you have this negative attitude borne from jealousy, envy and loneliness you will repell other men, instead of finding a bf. You have to be a happy single, before men will consider you date-able.
Once you find it in your heart to be generous, you will stop suffering from jealousy, envy and loneliness and become more romantic.

Thank for your advice. I do need to be more optimistic and try to be more approachable. Thank you.

[mackyboy]

(Adam) I don't think this has anything to do with being romantic, but rather with having a negative outlook. What Bhp91126 said was absolutely correct. If you grudge others their happiness, you're less likely to find happiness of your own. When I was single, I loved seeing happy gay couples - it gave me hope of finding that kind of relationship for myself. I figured that if they could do it, why not me?

I know it isn't easy, but you need to try to develop a more positive and generous attitude.

Thank you for your response yeah I'm trying dunno why do I have this grudge its just that I have to many insecurities and stuff and yeah its not easy. its making me sad now.

[mackyboy]

You're too young to be so bitter and jaded.

I'm already 24, no longer a boy.

[MikeW]

People often take on negative attitudes because they are afraid that they can't have what they really want. We call it "sour grapes". The phase comes from an ancient Greek story teller called Aesops:

Driven by hunger, a fox tried to reach some grapes hanging high on the vine but was unable to, although he leaped with all his strength. As he went away, the fox remarked 'Oh, you aren't even ripe yet! I don't need any sour grapes.'

It's a very short wisdom tale about human nature (not about foxes). Often when we can't have something we set it up in our own minds, "well, I didn't *really* want it anyway". It is a way of *avoiding disappointment*. If I don't try to get what I want, I won't be disappointed when I don't get it.

So, in your case, it may be that you're afraid you can't have what you want so you tell yourself you don't want it and, moreover, you RESENT those you see around you who seem to have it.

If you really don't want a relationship, it's a whole other matter. It's fine NOT to want a relationship IF that is who you really are and how you truly feel. It may be all you want is sex and you're happy with that. It may be you don't even want that, and you're happy with that.

But if you're happy NOT having a relationship or not having sex or whatever, why feel negatively toward others who are happy? If you are happy what's wrong with other people being happy in their own way?

So, in your case, I suspect you just haven't been totally honest with yourself about what you really feel and want. Maybe you have the idea that you can't have what you want and so it is best not to want it. Hurts less.

The first trick in being able to *have* what you want is to let yourself know that you *want it*. The second trick is to *imagine* yourself having it. The third step is to begin making small movements toward *allowing* yourself to have it.

Good luck and welcome to GaySpeak.

[mackyboy]

People often take on negative attitudes because they are afraid that they can't have what they really want. We call it "sour grapes". The phase comes from an ancient Greek story teller



It's a very short wisdom tale about human nature (not about foxes). Often when we can't have something we set it up in our own minds, "well, I didn't *really* want it anyway". It is a way of *avoiding disappointment*. If I don't try to get what I want, I won't be disappointed when I don't get it.

So, in your case, it may be that you're afraid you can't have what you want so you tell yourself you don't want it and, moreover, you RESENT those you see around you who seem to have it.

If you really don't want a relationship, it's a whole other matter. It's fine NOT to want a relationship IF that is who you really are and how you truly feel. It may be all you want is sex and you're happy with that. It may be you don't even want that, and you're happy with that.

But if you're happy NOT having a relationship or not having sex or whatever, why feel negatively toward others who are happy? If you are happy what's wrong with other people being happy in their own way?

So, in your case, I suspect you just haven't been totally honest with yourself about what you really feel and want. Maybe you have the idea that you can't have what you want and so it is best not to want it. Hurts less.

The first trick in being able to *have* what you want is to let yourself know that you *want it*. The second trick is to *imagine* yourself having it. The third step is to begin making small movements toward *allowing* yourself to have it.

Good luck and welcome to GaySpeak.

Thank you, Thank you for your advice. After reading what you wrote, I realized that yeah maybe I'm not being honest with myself. Wow, everything you said, it just hit me hard.

[MikeW]

Thank you, Thank you for your advice. After reading what you wrote, I realized that yeah maybe I'm not being honest with myself. Wow, everything you said, it just hit me hard.

I'm glad to be of help if I can. That's why I'm here. That's why many of us are here. And the wonderful thing is we're all different. Different ages, different ideas, different cultures even.

So maybe you need to let yourself know what you want in life.

For example, the fox was trying to get the grapes but couldn't jump high enough and so he convinced himself he didn't want them anyway -- even though he was hungry.

But what if the fox had a friend who was a crow and the crow helped him get the grapes down from the grape vine?

Getting what we want means having some idea what it is. Then we have to see how we prevent ourselves from having it. Then we may need to be creative in finding ways to let ourselves have what we want.

Of course, too, life isn't always a bed of roses. Sometimes we don't or even can't get what we want. Then we have to learn other life lessons about loss and how to cope with life.

But you are very young and don't need to think about those things, not yet. Rather, think about what is possible for you. MUCH more is possible for you than you know. To let yourself have it begins with a change of attitude toward yourself (what you're capable of) and others (what they're capable of).

Like friendly crows, we're here to help if we can.