So many good responses. People have given you a lot to think about and some honest self examination might be a good starting point for you. By honest I mean to look at yourself, your place in life, as objectively as you can. When you're trying to to figure out what you feel inside, why you feel the way you do, it can be a very difficult process. It requires perspective; it requires a way to see yourself as others see you, and that is hard to do given that people usually only measure themselves by their own life experience. I'll tell you the best way I've learned to gain perspective about yourself a little later.
Before we go any further, breathe. Just take a big deep breath and relax. Let go of all that negative energy, that tension, let it all go. Relax. You're in a safe place. People care about you and are trying to help you. Settle back and calm yourself.
Breathe.
mackyboy Wrote:Am I?
Are you anti-romantic? I think you have to define what romance is for you first.
The nature of your question suggests that you are comparing yourself to someone or something. It suggests that you have seen what you think is romance and somehow feel that you can't achieve this state, or that you're lacking something within you essential to feeling or being romantic.
What do you think romance is? One could look at it simply as an exaggeration of feelings, or actions, fond remembrances of places. Another way, perhaps an easier way to think of romance is the difference between seeing a movie you love in black and white, and then seeing it in color. Which viewing gives you the deepest gratification? Which makes makes the subject more alive, helps you sink deeper into the story? Which viewing do you believe would have the most impact on you? Which version do you believe you would be more likely to remember? Which version would you want to remember more clearly, sense the spirit of emotions more vividly?
There is no right or wrong answer here. It doesn't matter whether the movie was in black and white or color. What does matter is the
intensity of the feeling. The vividness, the clarity with which you remember the version you liked the best. Perhaps both versions give you intense feelings, each in a different way.
There are two main things to remember about romance. The first would be the you love the movie. Love is the operative word here. The movie, or whatever noun you choose to substitute instead, is something you
love. Second,
the intensity of the feeling is the core of romance. A deeply intense love causes all manner of behavior, both good and bad.
Quote:I hate watching chick flicks, as much as possible I try avoid watching those films.
First, reducing romance to "chick flicks" is dismissive. What you said gives me the impression that you don't want to face those deep emotions that intense drama usually makes people feel. Maybe the best way for you to proceed is to try to find out why you turn to a negative place, rather than face the intensity of real feelings that make up romance.
The cop out answer men give for hating "chick flicks" is that they think that they're boring, or unmanly in some way. It stems from the flawed belief that when men view or show emotion they are weakened by the display. This is an avoidance tactic, nothing more.
In any case, no one is required to like any specific genre of movie. Science fiction, drama, action, romance...everyone has their favorite type.
What is telling for me is that you specifically say that you
hate watching movies that are about real life feelings: love, loss, betrayal, pain, hurt, etc. That's a strong reaction. Why? If you're having such a strong feeling then I suspect you are probably reacting to something you hold very close to you, something you'd rather not remember. Watching these kinds of movies make the ability to avoid reacting to them, remembering or thinking of things you would much rather not think of, very difficult.
Quote:I hate seeing photos or videos of happy couple, straight or gay.
There's that word again, the red flag word...
hate. Hate translates into fear. This fear is possibly because you would rather not remember something that seeing these kinds of things reminds you of, or perhaps you fear not being able to achieve such a state of happiness within a relationship. Whatever the case, you should probably examine why you react so strongly. I suspect you probably already know the answer, but just don't want to admit it, even to yourself.
Quote:I hate seeing gay couples in public, it makes me jealous.
And again the word hate, but in addition the first clue to why you have such a strong reaction,
"it makes you jealous". These images, these couples have something you want, but for whatever reason you won't admit, can't have. That is the nature of jealousy: you want it, but can't have it for one reason or another. If you conquer the reason that you're jealous, admit why seeing strong love, strong coupling makes you react so negatively, then you may just get a handle on why you think you're not romantic. More importantly, that you realize that you can have what those couples you see have.
Quote:Is this normal for a single gay guy like me or I'm just a freak?
You're not a freak. If you're a freak, the entire world is populated by them. Everyone has issues. Some people have just had a lot more practice hiding their issues than others. At least you had the smarts to ask for help. Advise in sorting out your feelings, in dealing with your issues, can only give you a leg up on understanding yourself, and why you behave the way you do.
Here is where a real freak (see, I told you you're not alone) is going to give you good advise to help you gain perspective on your life. To be able to step back away, and see yourself through the lens of problems other than your own.
Now as for gaining perspective about yourself, I have learned the hard way that one of the best ways for me to gain any scale, to see the size of my life measured against the lives of other people, other situations, I must step outside the myself completely and center my thoughts on another subject.
Let me give you an example:
The last few days have been bad for me. I could use a lot of adjectives like soul crushing, numb, bruise colored gray. Depressed is the correct term. Clinical depression. The kind that doesn't let go of you and you don't care if it does. I really just wanted to go to sleep tonight. Sleep, if I can get my mind to shut off and achieve it, is my refuge. My safe place. I don't dream often, only two or three times a year anyway, so sleep is my safe place away from depression. Away from anxiety.
Instead of sleep I unintentionally went with the more difficult option: to redirect my mind away from myself. And the best way to step outside the box you live in in your head, is to listen to what is going on around you. Listen to someone else, help them if you can, in the most positive, life affirming way possible. There is a quote that has stuck with me through the years:
We teach what we most need to learn.
You are my diversion this morning. I hope I have helped you, because you have helped me.
For that I give you my thanks.
Am I being Anti-Romantic???
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Sagittarius
