I need to get this out in the open. (LONG POST)

[CellarDweller]

There isn't much more that I can add, all the guys here have said it all.

You seem to be in love with the idea of being in love, and in the process, are putting your boyfriend through hell.

You need to see a therapist, to sort out why you are behaving this way.

This may seem harsh, but if you truly love your boyfriend, you'll let him go, since you can't seem to stop hurting him. That's not what love is.

[Borg69]

You're being very selfish. Monogamy and faithfulness is a choice. You're not ready to be in a committed relationship.

[LJay]

Oh, memechose, I did leave room for you when I wrote nearly impossible. I realize it can happen that long distance relationships work out, but I tend to think that is the exception rather than the rule. If the OP wants that then he has to come to realistic terms with it, whatever they may be in his--and his boyfriend's--case.

[Virge]

Oh, memechose, I did leave room for you when I wrote nearly impossible. I realize it can happen that long distance relationships work out, but I tend to think that is the exception rather than the rule. If the OP wants that then he has to come to realistic terms with it, whatever they may be in his--and his boyfriend's--case.

I was just having fun with that Ljay. That's all.

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There is something really important that no one has thought to tell LostinLove. I'll make it brief and to the point.
If you don't give up all the social media bull crap and concentrate ONLY on the relationship all you're doing is setting your self up for another failure.

You're going to have to make that sacrifice. Instead of using social media to meet people you really really don't need to meet you should be using it ONLY for what's important. Use it as a tool instead of your circus.

[TwisttheLeaf]

There is always going to be a niggling "the grass is greener on the other side" feeling. It's a part of being human and most people have it about at least one important factor of their lives.

The fact is you need to weigh things out and accept you can't have both.

Are you happier with your relationship with your boyfriend?
Or are you happier single?

These are your choices. You CANNOT have both.

So choose.

And once you have chosen? It's time to stick to that choice.

If you choose your boyfriend, you then make decisions on EVERY little thing you do that relates to speaking to or communicating with other men through the view "how would this make my partner feel"? If the answer is "bad", then you DON'T DO IT.

This isn't a matter of being commitment minded. It's a matter of making a choice and using self control and consideration of another to stick to it.

And the fact is? If you don't think you can do that? Then you don't belong in a relationship. Period.
Especially not a long distance one where trust is an overwhelming factor of the relationship's stability.

[meridannight]

have you talked to a therapist? you are not capable of controlling your behavior from the looks of it, you cheat even though you don't want to. therapist might help or it might not, but at this point it's worth it to at least give it a try.

and have an open and honest discussion with your partner on this subject. so far you say you think he might be feeling this or that. ask him what he actually feels. ask the brutal truth. it's not going to be a pretty thing to hear but you guys need to open up on this subject before your relationship is destroyed.

and you need to decide once and for all if you want to be in this relationship or not. if you do, it means no more cheating. and no more putting yourself under ambiguous circumstances where sex might happen but you tell yourself ''oh i will just meet him to talk''. don't kid yourself. make up your mind on what is really important to you and get all the help you need to stick to it.

[Steve]

I don't have much to add. Meme took the long post out of me. I'm not one who will often sit in a position of judgement. You do need some cold hard truth though. I don't think anyone was really mean to you, but rather incredulous. Some members told you exactly what they would have done in response to your actions. You need to think about each response here, because pretty much everyone made a point worth considering.

Were it me, I would listen to meme, Bhp,, Bowyn, and Twist very carefully. There are lessons in each of their responses. You must learn form your history. You can't learn from your mistakes until you understand yourself. Therapy is a must for you. Think of visiting a therapist as talking with an impartial sounding board who will help sort your feelings and give you insight into your actions. Your boyfriend probably needs to see someone to talk about his issues and needs as well. I would start this process before you head out of country.

[East]

If you are wondering what you are missing out on...you don't belong in this relationship and you should end it.

He will survive...so will you.

[HeartAmethyst]

Hi, there. Firstly I just want to express my sympathy toward your situation. I fully understand the pain of an inner struggle. As you mentioned that there is a part of you that want to explore more about dating different kinds of guys. I personally think it is natural for us to want to explore before we make a decision on anything, especially something as important as relationship.

Yes, in a moral sense, I think you did very wrong to your boyfriend. He sounds like a very nice person. I think timing a critical factor here. Imagine if you meet this guy ten years later, after you have been through so many different guys, then you could appreciate him fully.

However, if we put aside the morality and just focus on you as an individual who is struggling with his life. The last thing you want to do is to blame yourself for any of these. We make errors and cause disasters, then we get up and move forward.

All the other fellow speakers have given marvelous advice already. Personally, I think it's better for you to sit down with yourself. Let the emotions roar inside of you for a while. Write down your thoughts or type them in the computer. Read over them, that way you could see things much more clearly. You may want to figure out what you want the most in terms of relationship first, not what you think you want the most, instead go deep into the thoughts you wrote down and investigate them, and see what feels the most authentic to you. If you can't figure it out in one day, then take weeks or even months to do it. There's no need to rush. Until then, I believe it's the best for you to still keep in touch with your boyfriend, but don't discuss too much about the nature of your relationship. You can instead talk about the things you both are interested in. Lastly, my best wishes to you on the road to love!