Why can't I get any dates?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

But I am certainly not a terrible boyfriend or inexperienced in sex/love/relationships; when I was a freshman I was in a serious relationship for a year

My shortest relationship was 6 months, my longest relationship 14.5 years. All total I have been in a relationship with 6 guys, the majority lasting around 2 years. 5 of which were serious enough we lived together, not just dated heavily.

I had sex in places that no longer exists, I was having sex well before you were a twinkle in your daddy's eye....:biggrin:

Experienced you say? Are you sure?

My point in this is that experience is relative. I bet you have a lot of new things you can learn and a lot of experiences ahead of you. Unless you have a terminal illness, then pardon my blundering and hurting your feelings and my condolences.

From my position way up here in middle age, I can assure you of a few things.

Love can't be forced. Real love (perhaps true love as well) tends to happen and only at the most inconvenient time, when you are busy looking in another direction it sneaks up behind you quietly then proceeds your bash your skull in with a 20 pound sledgehammer.

Really good love happens when you ain't got no time to have love in your live forcing you to make uncomfortable choices, which assist you in building those later year regrets. Mind regrets are usually not about things we did, but instead about things (and people) we did not do. My greatest regret is Bradley.....

Sure you can go looking for it, but I will assure you that love tends to scurry off and hide when a person is hunting it down. Its not until you are either in a relationship, or just so through with the hunt and decide to give in and become a woman with a whole bunch of cats and die alone and bitter than suddenly love leaps at you.




Another thing (God I always hated these lecture the old people gave me... Now look at what I'm doing - I must be old)

You're just 22. Trust me, most of those thoughts in your head, those ideals, those hopes and dreams and plans and notions about what the world is, what you want from the world, you're particular place in the world is going to change a lot by the time you hit 30.

You, and every other late teen/early 20's individual is/are on a steep learning curve. You are just now learning about the real world and what being a real adult is about. Up until a very short while ago - I don't know, couple months by my watch (time is relative, the older you get the more swiftly it passes, thus years shrink to months, months to weeks, weeks to days, etc)... you were just a kid who was (if you were fortunate to have half to fully sane parents) sheltered from many realities, so most of your views, wants, desires, goals is still pretty much based on your childhood understanding.

EXAMPLE: When I was your age I was flirting with being Republican (Yes I did vote for Reagan), couple years later I was a democrat, shortly thereafter I became moderate third party and that one has stuck... but I did try on a few other third parties for a while. Such as the American Socialists. As I learned, I grew more aware, the more aware I got, the more my views changed, morphed, became more solid and sought to find a balance between my childhood understanding and all of the new understanding from all the data I was getting just through experiences.

This will happen to you, and anyone else your age. It happens in religion, politics, social issues, and in this case in matters of love.

Any guy you meet around your age is going to be in the same boat. As such, love is going to blaze and flicker out at warp speeds. It happens. We change so much as individuals that its really hard to expect anyone who enters into a relationship early in life to make it to death with that person, or to age 30.

Now I'm not going to tell you to rush out there and have sex with every guy you meet and just have fun. I am just telling you to ease up here, give yourself time to learn about people, and learn who it is YOU are and what it is you need in a mate before rushing off to find a partner.

You don't need a partner in your life right now. This is not a race, you are not really competing with anyone to be married off immediately.

Yes I know, you are lonely - well everyone is to one degree or another lonely, most of who are single desire to stop being single. However most of us who are single and can be content with being alone tend to end up not being single faster than those who are single and act like they are lonely.

I hope something of what I said makes sense.

[Jason74]

I have been single for like ten years but have not really been looking that hard at all and I have had relationships in the past from a few weeks to a few months to the longest two being like a year and the last one almost being two years. I know what relationships are like and what you have to give and all that. People say that I am a good catch and all that but I am just a very shy person and its hard for me to start up a conversation with people so I think that most other gay guys in the past probably have thought that I was stuck up or all into myself when honestly that was never the case.

I mean once I get to know someone and I am comfortable then I love being social and its easy but its just that initial meeting that is hard for me. I mean when I first came out of the closet I would go out and drink alot and end up dancing shirtless on the boxes at the clubs and I was wasted so it was easy to chat with people but these days I am more reserved and would never see me on those boxes dancing.

I think that you will eventually find love or a boyfriend or dates and that you shouldn't put too much pressure on yourself. Its like for me if I find a boyfriend cool and if not that is cool as well. I am so used to being on my own that I don't care either way, lol. I just don't get depressed about it or anything like that. I hope that you find someone to date and perhaps you need to use some online resources for meeting guys in your area and just be upfront and honest with them about how you feel.

I honestly think there is that one person that is right for everyone and that we will eventually meet themby making mistakes with other guys. Just be patient.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I am more reserved and would never see me on those boxes dancing.

Only because you don't know how good my imagination is. :biggrin: