My boyfriend, me and a cat.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has became totally crazy in the last time. He's always been a big animal lover, but now he's obsessed with the thought of having a cat. We're living together and I have a different opinion about it. I've never had any pets and I don't want to have any pets. I like animals but I don't want them to make a mess in my living place. At the moment he doesn't work and is looking for a job and we don't have a lot of money which means we cannot afford to feed one more mouth. And it surprises me that he doesn't understand it. Every day he shows me photos of kittens that people are giving away for free. I offered him some other option - there are animal shelters in the place where we live, where you can meet a lot of animals, take dogs for a walk and there are also a lot of cats there. I told him - feel free to go there, spend there as much time as you like, pet all the cats if you wish, but don't bring any home. However he said that it's not the same. We started to have arguments because of this and eventually I told him that if he brings any cat home, we'll have a very big fight.

Now the last few days he was very quiet and huffy. He almost didn't talk to me. When I asked him if he's still upset about that cat thing, he didn't give a direct answer. However yesterday, when I came home from job, he told me that he has been to that shelter I advised him and he has found a wonderful cat there that has been abused and hurt by the previous owner, and he's taking it home whether I want it or not. We had the big fight I was talking about before, I told him that I'm not going to take care of the cat and he was like "well, then f.ck you". It felt like that creature is more important to him than I am.

The day when he promised to bring it home, is tomorrow. We're in a very big argument, I hate it when he doesn't take my wishes into consideration. I tried to help him with his animal love - he can meet them everyday. Why is it so important to have one home, I don't understand? And I also don't understand what to do now. I love him after all.

[LJay]

969 posts and you have to be anonymous about this?

Tell him there simply is no money for a pet and that it would be unfair to you and to the animal to have it living with you. Tell him also that you will be looking for a new apartment on your own because you can't afford to support him. Don't fight about it. Just make it clear.

[East]

I think that you should tell him that you will revisit this when he has gotten a job and has the money to take care of it.

At some point you may have to accept a pet if you want to stay in the relationship but being able to take care if it is an important part of owning a pet.....and he cannot expect you to do that for him.

In the end.....relationships are all about compromise....and sometimes doing things you never really wanted to do...

My straight friend always says HAPPY WIFE...HAPPY LIFE...there is a lot of wisdom there.....

[LJay]

I commend your penchant for diplomacy, East.

[Anocxu]

Why doesn't he get a job at the shelter?
He can spend tons of time with animals... and leave them there at the end of the day..

[Anocxu]

Questions. ..
Is this about a pet ..
Or is your boyfriend on the immature, irresponsible side of things?

[EvenOlderButWiser]

969 posts and you have to be anonymous about this?

The post count belongs to "Anonymous" and has no relation to the OP's actual post count.

"Anonymous" is just that. You can't identify the OP from any of the Anonymous profile detail.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Ok.... first and foremost. To someone that has a need to nurture? Going and petting homeless dogs and cats slated to be put to death is torture. It's not fun. It's not pleasant. It doesn't sate a need in them.

It's torture.

I personaly cannot go to those places. It kills me to know that the animals up for adoption may end up put to death if someone doesn't take them home. It makes my heart very litereally -ache- in my chest.

You told him to go and to be honest? I'm not surprised he met a pet that he can't leave behind. (This is the other reason I don't go to these places, because I want to take them ALL home.)

There is a huge difference between visiting an animal, and -having- an animal. Just as there's a huge difference between visiting someone with a baby, or -having- your own baby. People with a huge need to nurture? They can't do that by -visiting- animals. They need more than that. A bond with a specific animal they can call their own gives them this. (I could also liken this to the difference between going on random hook-ups.... or having a boyfriend. Same concept, different species.)

Instead of looking at this as a thing that it's either "you or the cat" or which one is more important to him? Maybe you should consider that he has a NEED to be filled. One you can't fill (no one can fill all of their partners needs, on all levels. Sorry, but it's impossible.) The cat fills this need.

Feel lucky he didn't want a ferret or a dog or some other higher-maintenance animal. And make damned sure you're nice to that cat, man. Or it will show an ugly side of you he probably won't be willing to tolerate.

That all said? If this is truly a financial issue and not a "I don't want a damned pet" issue? Then ask him to hold off on getting a pet until he has a job. I doubt you will get him to hold off much longer than that tho. Perhaps the goal of having the pet will help him get a job even faster, yeah?

On a side note...

I love Gideon more than anyone else in the word (except my twin sister). If he told me to get rid of my cat (or if something happened to her and I was going to get another and he told me no?) I'd tell him to kiss my ass. This includes if we were living together. *Shrugging.* Some people need a pet. Some don't.

[jimcrackcorn]

I can only speak for myself when it comes to making compromises with my partner,, so if my partner/husband wanted a pet "really, really, really, bad - I would find a way to get him the pet he wanted.

I remember a time when my husband wanted to buy an RV, I knew it wasn't a good idea and it would be a money pit that would set in our yard most of the time without being used,,, but it was something he really wanted,,, so I kept my thoughts to myself and let him buy one. We made two trips in that thing the first year we had it, and put it up for sale the second year.

Was it worth it? Well, we lost several thousand dollars,,, but my husband was happy,,, and keeping my husband happy is important to me. So, yes,, it was worth it.

Sincerely,
Jim

[Iceblink]

Absolutely not! No cat in your home right now! I am not saying this because of anything about him or you, I am saying this for the welfare of the animal. People who do not have the means to take care of a pet should not be adopting an animal. It is not fair to the animal. One of the biggest reason for abandoned pets and strays are from people who thought they could pull it off when they were barely making ends meet in taking care of themselves. It's one of the biggest reasons why those cats he loves so much at the shelter are there in the first place. Be firm and put your foot down and do not allow this. You can revisit this debate with him later when your situation has improved. If you are going to be coupled with an animal lover, it is something you are going to have to seriously consider some time in the future.