Sooooo.... hi! I guess.
Umm... Yes. Well. I'm 20 years old and closeted. Very awkward socially, but I do have a few friends (let's just say I don't get invited to parties very often... like at all)... Never dated or even KISSED anyone. I don't think I'm UGLY, per se... I think my personality probably detracts from my looks (even in the mirror!). I suspect the way I interact with people is semi-consciously designed to push them away (so please don't be offended). I'm a very guarded person and am afraid to let people know about who I am (I don't even have a facebook!). I'm not depressed (Really!).
I joined this forum for practice in becoming a fully functioning member of the human race. I hope I'm not too far gone!
Sorry in advance!
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Welcome to GS.
Just take your time, get to a peaceful acceptance of self, and things will start falling into place.
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Posts: 2,137
Threads: 3
Joined: May 2014
Reputation:
1
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign: 
Aries
Mood: None
Woohoo! Party at Jerpy's let's go!
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First off you ended your intro post with the words "sorry in advance." You don't need to be sorry or apologize for anything you say in here. Stop that. Also you have nothing to be ashamed of here with us. There are good people here who have been through way more than you can imagine right now and there's not one of them who can't empathize with you situation.
Reading your words give me "survivor's guilt" for having had it so easy compared to you. As I read your words all I could think about is a painting that has hung in my dad's office since before I was born. He's a doctor. The painting is of a early 20th century rural doctor treating a little boy with a hurt elbow while all sorts of other patients with all sorts of obvious problems and illness sit waiting their turns. Down at the bottom of the painting there's words in Latin.
Homo sum. humani nihil a me alienum puto. "I am a man. I consider nothing human alien to me."
I bet everyone here will treat you like that. I'd be disappointed if they don't and might get ticked off about it if they don't.
From what you've told of yourself I think there's all sort of issues going on that you'll want to talk about. Self image? Self esteem and self confidence? Anxieties about what others think of you? Maybe some problems accepting yourself as gay and letting others know and how to do it? Making and keeping friends? How to handle things with guys you're attracted to? How to improve appearances? and a bunch of other things.
So here's some suggestions on how to bring them into the forums if you want to.
Go ahead and write down a list of things you want to talk about. Put together some words about each of them and decide which ones you want to deal with first. Then start. Just be sure to make it easy to read and by that I mean try not to "wallpaper" when you start typing. >> divide things up in paragraphs no more than eight or nine lines long. That makes it easy for all of us to read. Some of us spend a lot more time reading than answering. Sooner or later you'll see where someone writes a 70 line sheet of wallpaper and see how hard it is to read.
Also --- it won't take you long for you to connect with some people more than others. When that happens you can contact them privately through private messages to ask questions about navigating here in GS or things you aren't completely comfortable talking about in the forums. Remember that GS has just gone through some recent changes that caused problems with the instant real time messaging option. They're working on getting it back up and running. When that happens communicating privately with others will be a breeze.
One of the best features about GS is the probationary period --- but you're probably going to get impatient with it. Relax. It's only until you rack up 50 posts, either starting topics or writing comments. The reason it's a good thing is because it is an obstacle for the pervs and trolls who usually get frustrated and leave in less than 24 hours if they stay that long.
I'm going to try to stay away from you awhile because I KNOW the type of people my personality annoys the most and you definitely fit that type. hahahahahaha! I have a tendency to come off like I'm mad when I honestly hard never am. I'm also loud rude, make the sickest jokes --- and pick on people (just in fun)
So welcome to Gayspeak, Jerpy.
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Thank you all for your support! It really does mean a good deal to know there are people out in the world that can empathize with my situation. It's been really hard trying to push through all of my problems alone, but I've realized recently that that's really no way to live. I'm afraid that I've become an enigma to other people and that I have become selfish in my relationships, expecting everyone else to understand me and to support me without me asking or reciprocating.
My sister tells me I act like I'm autistic in some regard, and I agree with her to an extent, but mainly in the sense that I have trouble making my opinions/feelings palatable to other people. So if I seem hostile in my posts (I will try very hard not to be) it is not because I am being aggressive. It is because I am a robot~
Once again, thank you all and I hope you all won't just be able to help me, but maybe I will be able to help some of you in return!
Also, there is no reason to walk on eggshells around me! I am very resilient and know how to take sarcasm! How else do you think I'd last this long?
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