I want to be a gay man

[eleven13]

I am a young man close to the 30s. I am a straight man mostly. I have this urge often to be gay. Not because I am attracted exactly.

I feel being gay is better. I am too shy and I don't think I can find a girlfriend. I did lose my virginity but there ends the story. I don't think I will ever gather the courage to ask out girls or whatever. I tried to meet guys over the internet. I have had exactly one experience which I didn't particularly like. But my problem is, I think about myself as the feminine person but when it comes to the acts, I am not able to do it so well. That guy was not so pleased, I think. Anyway this was 5 years ago.

Now I go on internet and often chat with guys. Sometimes I go out and try to meet them but then I don't have the guts and go home.

I wish I was gay. If I was gay, everything would have been so easy for me. Right now, I know many men who would want me. But I just never did it with them. I feel I should have been born gay, I just missed that lucky gene. I don't watch gay porn at all. I am only turned on when I imagine myself as the feminine person and watching two strangers on video doesn't turn me on. I am not turned on by the male body exactly. I am turned on the female body unfortunately but I am trying not to think of that.

To add to everything, I was not born in a religious family or anything so I don't really have any restrictions or anything. If I was gay, I wouldn't care.

I feel that if I do it a couple of times, maybe I would like it and become good at it. And maybe that would be my life. And I would forget about women altogether. I think about it all the time.

[Wolfpack]

Sexuality runs on a scale so you do not have to label yourself gay or straight or bi if you do not want to. But sadly you cannot force yourself to be something you are not. You could try to push for sexual relations with men but it may not work or be right for you. Have thought about trying to find a woman with more masculine traits? There will be plenty out there for you to seek out if you look hard enough.

[Borg69]

Wow. This is a first. Congratulations! I don't get many firsts anymore...

So... If I'm reading this correctly, you're either in denial with a bad first experience with someone you're not attracted to, -or- you really are straight, and have such a low self esteem and fear of women that you've developed some kind of "Sour Grapes" stigma about them and so starved for any kind of human touch/companionship that you're willing to "settle" for men.

Do either of these sound close?

[eleven13]

So... If I'm reading this correctly, you're either in denial with a bad first experience with someone you're not attracted to, -or- you really are straight, and have such a low self esteem and fear of women that you've developed some kind of "Sour Grapes" stigma about them and so starved for any kind of human touch/companionship that you're willing to "settle" for men.

Well I would say the second. I wish it wasn't though. I wish I got together with a man early in my life. Maybe I would gone into college as a full fledged gay man or something after a lot of experiences. I could have had a lot of fun. Maybe then, I wouldn't have a problem at all. I wouldn't have to be so sexually frustrated all these years. I did get involved with a woman but that got over fast because of something I said.

I know it sounds stupid but some people say sexuality is a choice and maybe I could choose what I want in life.

[Borg69]

I suppose you could force yourself into some kind of relationship with a man, being untrue to yourself the way so many gay men marry women and pretend to be straight... but... why would you?

What's so scary about women that you can't approach them at all?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

The grass only looks greener on the other side of the fence.

Truth is there are fire ants, weeds and lots of other unsavory things on this side of the fence.

I fear that the majority of gay men around your age are only looking for sex. NOT love and relationships. So the appearance of all this interest is not about you, its about your body, your penis, your buttocks.

[Camfer]

Sounds to me that you are confusing butt play with being gay. You get aroused by the idea of being penetrated, but you're not all that aroused by men's bodies.

Then because you are new to being penetrated, you think that because it wasn't all that successful on your first attempts that you're not gay. Your success at initial attempts at gay sex doesn't mean anything.

They make all kinds of toys you can get to experiment on yourself. I suggest you try a few and start with the smaller ones.

We have one resident straight guy on here who we know has enjoyed a particular item up his butt. Maybe he will join the conversation.

Keep exploring and work on asking someone out on a date.

[Doofus89]

It really just sounds like you need to work on your self-esteem. I wish I could give you advise on changing your sexuality, but magically becoming gay won't make things different nor can you just become gay. You can't just change your sexual orientation like a career or clothing attire.

[Doofus89]

Sounds to me that you are confusing butt play with being gay. You get aroused by the idea of being penetrated, but you're not all that aroused by men's bodies.

Then because you are new to being penetrated, you think that because it wasn't all that successful on your first attempts that you're not gay. Your success at initial attempts at gay sex doesn't mean anything.

They make all kinds of toys you can get to experiment on yourself. I suggest you try a few and start with the smaller ones.

We have one resident straight guy on here who we know has enjoyed a particular item up his butt. Maybe he will join the conversation.

Keep exploring and work on asking someone out on a date.

Oooooohhh, I didn't think of that!

Back to the OP, You say you are physically attracted to women over men. Are you into the idea of "pegging" at all? Where a woman (particularly with a strap-on) penetrates a man anally. Just a suggestion

[Virge]

THis is giving me something to think about before offering up a comment.