When sex wishes are different?

[Anonymous]

I don't want to show my face, because I don't want to be known as "that perverted guy" My problem is that my boyfriend and me, we have so different needs in sex. He doesn't have a very wide imagination. He only prefers few positions like doggy or missionary and that's it. Me, I like lots of things, like BDSM, roleplay, threesome or even sex in public place. I've offered this to him but he doesn't want to try anything new. The BDSM thing he called an absurd, claiming that we're not some crazy masochists and not in prison and that only degraded people treat each other like that. We could make a lot of compromises if he'd like to but he doesn't even want to talk about it. He just advised me to forget about all this nonsense but I can't. I want it. I'm tired of having sex the usual way, always the usual way. It's boring.

Do you have an experience when your partner and you have different preferences in bed and what did you do? I don't want to cheat on him to fulfill what I want and I don't want to break up because I love him.

[jimcrackcorn]

When your in a relationship,,, you sometimes have to give up certain "sexual fantasies" that you want to explore. If your boyfriend/husband doesn't like doing BDSM, threesomes, or public sex, then it is doubtful that he would be able to perform sexually in those situations.

Just be happy that you have a boyfriend and enjoy the sex that you have together. It might help if you start looking at sex as a way of making love to your partner.

[Doofus89]

The ungodly shrek I call my ex-gf told me that she could only get off from being on top. We did do Doggy Style once in the bathroom where she worked. And I was on top once. But, she was a recovering drug addict and lied a lot so there's a few things still shrouded in mystery.

Your boyfriend doesn't sound like the most open minded of people, unless I'm wrong - I apologize. That's just the vibe I get from your post. How have you two talked about exploring sex? Have you sat down and discussed it at all? Or has it been more passively mentioning it?

[Anonymous]

Yes, we have talked but he doesn't want to change anything anyway. He thinks everything is good the way it is. I know I might be able to give up some of my fantasies but do I have to give up all of them? Because he doesn't want anything from what I offer. I know I would agree to try something he had in mind, if he told me to. He doesn't even want to try. I mean, how can you say you don't like something if you've never tried it?

[East]

Over the past 30 years my BF has taken me on a great sexual journey...and apparently we fuck a lot compared to other people.....we still haven't lost interest though instead of every day it is maybe 3-4 times a week....

We do the tantric thing now...I LOVE it...lots of intense orgasms and hands free orgasms

...but along the way we fully explored all of both of our individual and collective fantasies and there was some...not much...resistance .....but the resistance faded and we both found some satisfaction. I think a lot of the things that we fear or judge are actually keys to inner freedom and serenity....

[CuriousPhoenix]

You have a couple of choices that I see. You can go along with your boyfriend and never live out your fantasies. You can break up with him and find some one that is more sexually adventurous. You of course can cheat on him but that's not really a very good choice no matter what. You can continue to try to change his position on trying BDSM. Of course one way to do that is to write a list of all the sexual fantasies you have and find the one he would most likely say yes to or not say outright no. Probably the tamest one and do that in bed. He might realize that he likes that and be more willingly to be more adventurous. Or he could find out he doesn't like it at all and won't do anything else.

A good partner would at least try one of your fantasies because sex and lovemaking is about both of you and not just him getting what he wants. Of course sometimes its all about one you getting off but not usually.

[LJay]

Ask him if he will try something milkly different once in a while, even if it is making out in thekitchen instead of the bedroom...whatever. Don't push it. Just ask him if he could push his limits a bit just as you stay within his, just because you like each other.

You might also look up some Dan Savage columns. This sort of thing comes up fairly often there.

[meridannight]

note: it's funny how the anonymous posters now cue in with an explanation on why they use the anonymous feature ever since Virge made a big deal about it.

but on topic, i am boring too in this sense. i enjoy the conventional sex and i don't need any roleplaying or other more extreme activities for sex. roleplaying would never work in my case since i don't have any fetishes for certain occupations or uniforms or the like. and even if i did, i KNOW who my partner is; i can't play pretend like that. i know it's not real. public place, no thank you. doesn't do a thing for me. threesomes are overrated. BDSM, only the bondage part is something that stirs me. the rest, no. so yeah, i'm not into any of that either, and sexually it just doesn't move me. it's unnecessary and distracting.

i don't know if you can make it work if you're not compatible like that. this is a pretty big thing, it would be for me. if this is really that important to you...you'll probably have to find some other guy. i'd be all for making my partner feel good in a relationship, but this is out of my zone. i could do it, for change sometimes, but it would be an exception rather than a regular thing. and i'd have to essentially force myself to get into it. it doesn't come naturally to me, and i have no interest for these things.

sex life where one partner has to force himself to certain things, and where the other one feels unsatisfied without those things.... sorry, i don't see it working in long term.

[Virge]

From what I've been told by a guy I know well who does relationship counseling you're complaint is one of the top 5 in couples he sees.

He says most people who are not willing to experiment with sex are usually insecure about trying and failing or not being able to get aroused doing something unfamiliar.

Other people don't want to experiment with their partner because they've lost interest in him or her.

I'm not going to try to tell you how to work things out.

[LJay]

Come to think of it Meridiannight, It's been so long that I would settle for a manicure as a sex act. Why be particular? If I tried, I could even be a little jealous of someone getting any flavor of sex, even vanilla, though I think butter pecan would be nice.