"Do you have a girlfriend?"

[SHOman93]

I think you handled it right. I'd wait till the friendship is a bit more established. It isn't a big deal but I'd wait just so you see how he behaves more to see how accepting he is. Or you can bring up topics that allow him to express how he feels about homosexuals and once you get a read on how he feels decide to tell him or not.

That's what I was thinking. Waiting till a little longer and telling him. AND DAMNIT. WHY DOES EVERYBODY ALWAYS THINK I'M STRAIGHT. Lol. It would make it so much easier if I was obvious. But then again, being obvious has it's own drawbacks.

If your sexuality ruined your friendship its not a friendship worth having and if you don't tell him you'll always be holding something of you back

That actually crossed my mind. And makes sense. All the friends that I had before I came out are still friends with me after I came out. So, I guess I'm not use to being rejected from a frienship due to me being gay. I'm not use to a lot of things.........haha

[Camfer]

I think you handled it right. I'd wait till the friendship is a bit more established. It isn't a big deal but I'd wait just so you see how he behaves more to see how accepting he is. Or you can bring up topics that allow him to express how he feels about homosexuals and once you get a read on how he feels decide to tell him or not.

Well, there's that other perspective, thinking it's no big deal to be in the closet versus it's no big deal to be gay. If all gays decided to come out based on the predicted reactions of others, we would have made no progress.

The sooner you tell someone, the sooner the relationship is based on truth and trust. If the guy doesn't want to be your friend because you're gay, then he's a whack job and thank goodness you're rid of him!

In the US and whole heck of a lot of the rest of the world we have the opportunity to stop acting like being gay is somehow pathological. We can live our lives so that bigots understand that the problem is theirs, not ours. You don't help people by coddling their prejudices.

[SHOman93]

Camfer, I really appreciate your response. It has definitely given me more determination to be true to myself. I think I will tell him. We are supposed to study again this Tuesday and I might tell him. Idk, he seems nice enough but whatever the reaction, I'd rather tell him then hide it. Thanks again.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

So you want to wait until your attached to him and tell him, so if he has a problem with LGBT it will hurt more when it makes it clear he has no tolerance?

The other aspect to this, is each time you try to hide your sexuality to him its going to be recorded, and when you do tell him the automatic thought is that you were playing him.

There is something intrinsically wrong with leading a person who you are trying to befriend to believe one thing about you when you are the opposite of that.

Get it out there and over with. If he has a problem with LGBT now is the time to know so you can walk away without being invested in a friendship.

If he doesn't have a problem with it then you know you got a better chance of friendship.

[Camfer]

Right on SHOman! Let us know what happens!

[Borg69]

I recently started hanging out with this guy from my chemistry class.
Then he randomly asked me if I had girl friend.
He then asked if I was looking

I too have been annoyed by straight guys basically asking, "Are you screwing a woman now? Plan to anytime soon?" Right off the bat. Uh... what? Is this a survey? A pop quiz? An audition? An interview? Should I put this on my resume? Am I being interrogated? Harassed? We've basically just met and you don't even know my last name yet. You need this level of intimate Intel WHY? Do YOU need assistance procuring a female or pointers in bed? Are you going to ask me out?

It's that marital status thing... he could think, "I met a cool guy who knows cars", or "I know this cool guy who works on cars AND is getting pussy!". Now you're raised to Superman hero worship levels. Cars AND pussy? What more could ANY guy want or ask for??? Dude!

[meridannight]

in those circumstances i just say, no, i don't. and, no, i am not looking.

and you have plenty of time to tell him about your sexuality. you're just beginning this friendship. as you get to know him better you'll know if and when you want to tell him. concentrate on the friendship aspect for now.

[meridannight]

one other thing:

some others have offered that you're sort of leading him on by not specifying that you're gay. while i agree it would probably benefit the image of homosexuality if all gay guys were always open about it, i also think we're not quite there yet even in the developed world. and even if we were, there will always be guys who just don't think it's anybody's concern which way they're leaning.

you shouldn't outright lie. but when you limit yourself with a simple 'no, i don't have a girlfriend' or a bit more ambiguous answer, then it goes both ways. they are leading themselves on by assuming that answer means you're a straight guy not looking for commitment, rather than a gay guy who is not into women at all. they KNOW there is a possibility a guy can be gay. so who is leading whom on here is a bit more blurred than as clear cut as it would seem.

if however, the friendship has reached the level where you two discuss your own personal sexual topics and romantic relationships with other people, then yes, that would be leading him on if you still hid your preference for men.

and, yes, i understand your reluctance to not be open about it. i have a similar thing. i don't, as a general rule, tell people i've just met and who i still consider more strangers rather than people in my inner circle. but once the friendship has gained depth and they still assume i'm straight, i kind of start feeling like i'm the one leading them on rather than them doing most of the assuming about it. at that point i usually tell, or start hinting that i'm gay, unless i have a good reason not to.

[dynamodean]

I think it is definitely important to be true to yourself and establish relationships based on honesty. I don't think you necessarily did the right or wrong thing as everyone has their own timeline and comfort zone as to when to "come out" to someone in your life. If you have an easy going and good relationship with him, I think he could be the perfect person for you to come out to. He wasn't really your friend to begin with if he drops you just because you're gay. You might be surprised to find that he really doesn't care.

If all goes well, you can use it to build your confidence and then come out to more people in your life.

[SHOman93]

I just want to say thank you all for the responses. There is nothing better than having some really good opinions on something before you make a choice.

Like I said earlier, I am just really sick of having to hide who I really am. I did it for 18 years (I actually came out to a small group of really close friends on my 18th birthday. I told myself that coming out would be the greatest present that I could give myself.) I hid it from my family, my friends, strangers, my co workers, everybody. And now that I'm so open, I hate still keeping it a secret. I'm actually kind of mad at myself for not saying something when he asked. I think it was the fact that I was in place that I wasn't comfortable with (his house.)

I'm gonna tell him soon. Either that or since I just put a decently sized rainbow flag bumper sticker on the back of my car last Friday, I could just wait till he asks about that.

But the main thing you guys have made me come to realize is that I am in a point of my life that I have enough respect for myself to not hide this from people anymore. I know that I'm going to meet people who don't like it and that's just a fact of life.

:dance3:

Another quick question, I'm still kind of confused about the "me leading him on part" I'm not offended, I just want to understand. Leading him on to a friendship with a straight guy, is that what you guys meant?