Having problems with guys that I meet in clubs

[BlueStar]

With pleasure baby!! I need some more company

First things first, you gotta reach 50 posts. By doing so:
- you get access to private messaging
- your posts won't be moderated
- you get access to the small chat box in the home page
- a private instant chat bar will appear at the bottom of your page screen and you can see who's online
- you can post anonymously in some forums that have the feature.

How to reach 50 posts quickly:
https://gayspeak.com/forumdisplay.php?f=43
you shall begin with this one https://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=33610

Wanderer, also if you need anyone to share your thoughts with, let me just know. I always hate seeing people who feel lonely or isolated.

[East]

How honest can I be?

[Wanderer95]

Very honest I don't want people to sugarcoat it, otherwise I would have never came here to ask for their opinion :d

[Virge]

Very honest I don't want people to sugarcoat it, otherwise I would have never came here to ask for their opinion :d

Wanderer... those words give me major respect for you... Let me give you a heads up on something. Click the thumbs up on East's message to give him a reminder to come back and give you the views of a guy who's been around long enough to have seen about everything that can be seen.

Before he beats you over the head with hard core reality let me take a soft punch.

I hope you watched the videos I posted of Spencer and Dustin. It all looks like a fairy tale romance, doesn't it. I haven't met them yet, but they're on the short list of people my man and I want to meet after he gets here in December. I can tell you something they'll agree with.... It's never as much a fairy tale as it looks like to get a solid relationship off the drawing board... in fact it can be the hardest, most painful experience of a lifetime.

You'll feel more vulnerable and weak that you ever imagined you could feel.. You'll go through periods where you'll rationalize it's easier to call the whole thing off than go through what can feel like giving up everything about yourself for something you can't envision ever working out. If you do that you're fucked.

You go into it with no exit strategy because if you leave yourself an easy way out you'll take it the first time things get tough. You'll have a tough time in learning to trust the one person in the world you should trust with your fears and worries instead of friends who're going to tell you what they think will make you feel better rather than.... the brutal hard core truth.

I know this because my man and I went through 3+ years of emotional HELL getting to where we are now. Now we're here... the fairy tale story seems to be what others perceive until we tell them otherwise. Now he and I laugh and joke when we talk about the hard times which gives the wrong impression about how tough things were for us back then.

MikeW has a quote in his signature line from me before I changed my name to Virge from Memechose.... It's the best thing I can tell you about when to know you and another guy have what it takes to make a relationship....

". . . we approach our relationship as the boss and we're just employees of the relationship. WE have to work to keep the boss happy. What the relationship wants or needs always comes first." -- memechose (Virge), 9/06/2014

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I'm 48 years of age and I have been with 8 guys sexually willingly (we don't discuss the unwilling parts).

Out of those 8 six were honest attempts at relationships. Well honest on my side of things - there is a bit of doubt with some of those guys. The other two was my honest 'I'm through with love' attempt to be a slut... both times were not satisfying and I figured out rapidly that 'just sex' don't do it for me.

Out of those 8 men three of them I met at a club/bar. Two of those were the one night stands.

The rest I met at other places, like at work, at parties thrown by mutual friends, at AA meetings - oh yeah I did a lot of bars and clubs my time.

I hate to tell you this, but as a gay male love is stacked against you: http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?i=IS04C02

Such things as the average length of a serious partnership for gay men is 1.5 year and the other side of the horror story:

"In addition, 10.2 percent to 15.7 percent had between 501 and 1,000 partners. A further 10.2 percent to 15.7 percent reported having had more than one thousand lifetime sexual partners."

I am a rare gem amongst gay men, I only go to bars to get drunk. Most other gay men go to get sex (and drunk to make it easier to pick up other men). Relationships that do happen at bars/clubs are usually ones between alcoholics who end up having a rocky relationship that implodes in short order.

The majority of the long term couples I have known have met outside of bars and clubs, places like camping, hiking, dinner parties, work, LGBT social activities that didn't include copious amounts of alcohol, libraries, book stores (no not the pornographic ones).

I can think of only three couples who met at bar and clubs that ended up in a long term relationship, two of them were the 'designated drivers' for their parties - meaning they were both there to render assistance to their drunken friends. The remaining couple had a long term relationships that was 'very interesting' as in they were both seriously deranged and appeared to not mind things like flying crockery, screaming for hours and all of the other insanity they had.

So. What are you looking for? Relationship? Then stay away from the bars and clubs - dragons and other dark things dwell there. Sex? Then stick with the grinder, there is no two drink minimum.

Relationships and love and stuff like that tend to happen on their own time. I'm sorry, no one has figured out the dark magics necessary to force love to happen when they want it.

Go ahead, feel free to look at our extensive member list - the majority are single. This isn't an accident or happy coincidence, single is the majority of LGBT. Either we are a picky lot, or (which is most likely) we do not have as many venues which do not include copious amounts of alcohol to met decent people.

[East]

Very honest I don't want people to sugarcoat it, otherwise I would have never came here to ask for their opinion :d

Uh...OK....

Gay men are not much different than straight men....

A lot of them (but thankfully not all of them) want to f*ck the whore and marry the virgin.....the Madonna/Whore complex...there is a gay version of that....

Bottom line...a lot of men will write you off as a slut if you go home with them and they will have no interest in you for anything other than sex. I used to love those guys myself because I had no interest in a relationship so it worked fine....

I know it sounds weird since they were in the bed with you but a lot of men have a disconnect button when it comes to their own behavior...not sure why.

I could go on but I am not really good at the wall of text thing and it would require that I do a wall of text...