Having problems with guys that I meet in clubs

[Wanderer95]

Hello all,

So I've moved to Manchester in the UK for university and people had been asking me why I chose the city and I've been telling them that the engineering school is good and that I liked the city. The real reason is that yes the university is really good, but also the city is very gay friendly and everyone is very accepting, something that I was missing on in my home country, however I seem to have a problem with all these bars and the vibrant scene life.

The problem that I have is that until now I've only had Grindr, which is very different from going to a club because with it you know what you are getting yourself into - you know if it is just going to be a one time thing, or you are going to be friends, or it is going to be a proper date. However I don't really know how clubs and meeting people there works because in all of my four visits to the gay bars here I've been able to meet a boy/man to hook up with and by 3-4 am we are if not drunk, at least tipsy, so I would invite the person over to my place, which he would accept and once at home we would kiss, cuddle and have oral, but both of us will not initiate sex in any way, I personally do not feel like having sex with random people anymore. And then it would be 5-6 am and we'd fall asleep. In the morning we would wake up, kiss, exchange numbers, I'd sent them off to the gate of the park (my house is in a tiny park as I love nature) and they will always say that they will call me , but never do.

The problem that I have is that I liked* some of these people and would have loved to take them on a proper date or cook them dinner, and just to get to know them better. I specifically really liked the guy from two night ago and like three hours ago I texted him to ask if he was feeling better as he was not feeling alright when we woke up but he didn't answer to my text * I just don't understand whether I am doing something wrong or these people just thought that it is a one night thing. And I'll be really grateful if you could explain to me how does meeting people in clubs work - how do you understand if they want just a hook up or they will be happy to go on a date too as I don't mind kissing or giving oral to a guy, but that in my mind doesn't stop me from wanting to go on a date with him another time, which I don't know if is the case with othee people.

I'll be really grateful if you could be just honest and to share your experiences, or just any tips that you may have as clubbing is all new to me...

Thank you very much in advance )

[LJay]

Your experience does not sound that different from what happened when I was doing the same scene. Clubs and bars are pretty well known for one night stands. There are exceptions. You might try playing a bit hard to get and talking to guys and then arranging to meet them in the next day or two. This may get you just as many disappearing acts, but maybe a few will hang around. Another way of doing it is to show u earlier in the day or evening and get to know people without them developing beer goggles at closing time--maybe stop by fo a sing drink just to see who is around.

Another thing to do is to shop around for situations where there are activities which bring guys together, like sports or discussion groups or coffee houses or volunteering. In other words, take advantage of the university town's gay friendliness.

[Bluelight]

Well, to be realistic, no one's gonna be sober at 4 a.m., sex would probably be initiated at some level (usually when I hook up we end up making out and then it just kind of snowballs from there), and more times than not, they won't be looking for anything more than sex. It's a tough world for us hopeless romantics. Meanwhile why don't you just try the casual sex thing and see if you like it. Might as well, because if you sit around waiting for love to happen, it won't. Same thing if you go out pursuing love, it most likely won't happen.

[Virge]

go out to have fun, socialize and meet new people. Keep your expectations low. That way you'll be disappointed less often and surprised a lot more. Do things besides go to the bars or play on Grindr. What things? ANY THINGS. Get out and do anything you can to keep from sitting at home meeting no one. Go places with friends, both gay and straight. Meet their friends.

The more couples I meet it's funny how many of them knew each other from bars but met away from bars and hit things off and worked out relationships. Here's two guys who met in the bars but never got to know each other until they met through a friend... and went on their first date to Home Depot shopping for some home repair ideas.... then... two years later this happened...




here they are on Ellen



And a longer interview. You can look at them and tell they're totally in love.



and their wedding....



Dec 27th, 2005 a cute gay guy was putting the moves on my straight best friend. My straight friend introduced him to me. July 11th, 2015 I'm marrying the guy my best friend introduced me to. No Grindr involved. No Bars.

[Virge]

I typed 2005 as the year I met Jay. Wrong. It was 2006.

[Steve]

I saw the video and interviews on Ellen, Virge. Loved it and them. Made me want to watch Dirty Dancing again.

...so I would invite the person over to my place, which he would accept and once at home we would kiss, cuddle and have oral, but both of us will not initiate sex in any way,

Not to be picky (OK, call me on it: I'm a picky bitch), but having oral is having sex. Ask a charismatic impeached US President, he got called on that.
Q: What two instruments does Bill Clinton play? A: The saxophone and the whore-monica.

Follow LJay's advice Wanderer. Universities usually have many great social group options.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I'll be really grateful if you could explain to me how does meeting people in clubs work - how do you understand if they want just a hook up or they will be happy to go on a date too as I don't mind kissing or giving oral to a guy, but that in my mind doesn't stop me from wanting to go on a date with him another time, which I don't know if is the case with othee people.

I think that you're "shopping" in the wrong venue if you want something more than just a one-night stand. Clubs, in my experience, are where you go to find a quick hook-up for a blowjob in the alley/bathroom/wherever or a quick roll in the hay. It would be hard to take anyone I met in one seriously. This is the case whether it's a gay club or just a general dance club, etc. Just not the right place to go looking for anything more permanent, IMO of course.

[Wanderer95]

Haha Stevie this was a really funny post, you made me laugh, thanks

And I also wanted to thank all of you for the tips and advices, I'll try to follow them and I think the best thing is also to lower my expectations, so that I'm not disappointed all the time. I looked up the LGBTQ society and I'll join it next week so that I can meet more people and start making friends, just to get to know more people, which is never a bad thing.

[Wanderer95]

Oh and Virge, I saw your PM, but I am not allowed to reply to it as I am new and need to have certain number of posts, so I will send it to you as soon as it lets me

[Virge]

Oh and Virge, I saw your PM, but I am not allowed to reply to it as I am new and need to have certain number of posts, so I will send it to you as soon as it lets me

I remembered you're w newbie and posted it above.. the correction on the year I met Jay... seems like forever...

Hurry up and get your points Dude! I'll send Bluestar to coach you. He's the reigning post whore at the moment