Universal Laws

[Steve]

Universal laws

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
Variation Law -If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Bio-mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena- At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
Law of Logical Argument-Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.

[palbert]

So many truths in those ....

[Virge]

hahahahhahahahahha!
Some of those need EMPHASIZING

Universal laws
[SIZE="5"]
Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. This applies to lube in the bedroom as well. [/SIZE]

Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings or there's a knock at the door or someone needs to come in and take a shit

Law of Logical Argument-Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

[CuriousPhoenix]

These are so true. Especially the law of Stadium Seating (Arena and Theatre). It doesn't matter where or when I sit down. I am a big dude and it's going to be difficult for me anywhere. On Saturday, I went to a football game and had really good seats but the section we were on the benches had like 50 seats and we were right in the middle. The stadium had to have been designed for short and skinny people because those are the only people that could have sat their and not been squished.

[Virge]

These are so true. Especially the law of Stadium Seating (Arena and Theatre). It doesn't matter where or when I sit down. I am a big dude and it's going to be difficult for me anywhere. On Saturday, I went to a football game and had really good seats but the section we were on the benches had like 50 seats and we were right in the middle. The stadium had to have been designed for short and skinny people because those are the only people that could have sat their and not been squished.

[SIZE="5"]**sigh**
A two hour football game?
Try getting comfortable for 22 hours of air travel
with 37 inch legs...
roundtrip...
2 - 3 or 4 times a year....
and get off the plane without walking like
you have two artificial legs[/SIZE]